“Mikki, I am doing your toast. Hang on. What cheese do you want?” Axel shoots a glance at Jens. Just asking with his eyes. Hoping that this is okay. That they are doing this right, as he opens the fridge and tries to find something that looks like cheese.
“Mikki likes the cheese in the red packet Axel.” Malena sighs.
“Can we all please calm down?” Jens is trying. Trying to take charge. To be the father here. To rein in this crazy situation before Axel walks out and it all goes to hell.
“I’m calm.” Morten sighs and lifts Marthe into her highchair. “Axel can you do toast for Marthe too? And do we have any cornflakes? I want cornflakes. With yoghurt. Why do you never order yoghurt, Pappa?”
“Because you bloody don’t eat it when I do!” Jens shouts. “Can we all just sit the fuck down at the table for a minute, so I can think!”
“Language, Pappa!” Mikki squeals, and Malena is giving Jens death stares again.
Axel quietly puts a plate of toast down in front of Mikki, who beams and immediately takes the cheese off the plate and licks it, which makes Jens just stare at him.
What the hell is he doing? He can’t even raise his kids to be half normal functioning human beings. How the fuck is he supposed to get them through the trauma of trying? And he means that in the loosest possible way, to introduce Axel to them, and maybe make them like him. He just needs a break here, to take back control. To rein things in.
“Axel, can you come and sit down too please? So, we can do this as a family?” Not that Jens knows if that is the right thing to say, but Axel jolts at the sharpness in his voice, and he looks so fucking tired, like he can barely think straight. He still sits down next to Jens and mindlessly starts feeding Marthe her toast. Just holding up the pieces of bread as she grabs them and shoves them in her mouth.
“Kids. This is Axel. I have known Axel since we went to school together a long time ago. I like Axel a lot. And I hope that you will like Axel too, because he is brilliant. Okay? He is Pappa’s friend, and I like him. That doesn’t mean he will be moving in and replacing Mamma, so stop saying shit like that, Malena.”
“But he will be staying over here? Sleeping here?” Malena is still on the warpath. Mouth tightly shut into a straight line. Arms crossed over her chest.
“I work nights, Malena, So I won’t be around a lot. I won’t be here all the time, but if your Pappa wants me to, then I might stay over now and then. Would that be okay? Would you be cool with that?” Axel is looking at Jens, as though he is asking if it’s okay that he speaks. That he is not out of line.
“Where do you work?” Malena asks. Well, she is not asking. She is clearly interrogating, and Jens is rather proud of his daughter, letting himself smile meekly as Axel replies.
“I’m a midwife, so I work at the hospital delivering babies. I also teach people to be midwives and I do these courses for people who are going to become parents and need to learn how to look after their babies.”
“He also has this cool blog thing on PNN.no. He is like some celebrity midwife.” Jens is trying here. Trying to sell Axel. Axel is cool. Axel is hip. Please love Axel. Because I think I do.
“What does delivering babies mean?” Mikki asks. Mouth full of toast.
“He looks up ladies’ bottoms and pulls the babies out.” Morten looks defiant.
“Bottoms!” Marthe squeals.
And Mikki echoes, “Morten said bottom!” while laughing hysterically and pointing at Axel.
“I don’t pull the babies out…” Axel starts, but he is fighting a losing battle here as Marthe is chanting, “Bottom! Bottom!” Then Jens leans across Axel and shoves a piece of toast in her mouth.
“Shut it kids. Now. Calm down.” Jens is trying. Trying hard.
“Language, Pappa” Malena mutters.
“So, let’s all start over. Properly. Can we all say hello to Axel? Axel, this is the
Sommerfeldt tribe. Kiddos, this is Axel. Now please say hello.”
“Hello, kiddos.” Axel blurts out while Jens thinks that he is attempting to smile. Axel is clearly a mess, almost falling asleep sitting here staring at the cup of coffee in front of him that he hasn’t got the strength to lift to his lips, while somehow strangely still managing to feed Marthe slivers of toast.
“Hello Axel.” they all mutter around the table.
“Now Axel, if you are going to hang out here you should follow the rules. Right, Pappa? We have to, so he should too.” Malena is ruling the roost. Again.
“What are the rules?” Axel slurs. Because he can barely keep his eyes open.
“Rule one.” Mikki shouts out. “We all give Pappa kisses in the morning. It’s the law.”
“I can do that.” Axel laughs. “Easy!”
“Rule two.” Morten is leaning forwards. “Do as you are told. Pappa has the final say on everything.”
“Got it.” Axel nods at him.
“No shoes inside. Hang your own damn jacket up.” Malena sounds tired. “Laundry in the basket, not in your room on the floor. And no friends coming over at night, unless Pappa has said it’s okay. Shopping order goes on a Tuesday, and the shopping comes on Wednesday evenings at seven. Someone needs to be here to grab it. Marthe and Mikki need to be at nursery before eight in the morning. Picked up before six. Morten and I sort ourselves out. We don’t need babysitting. And don’t sit down on the sofa without checking for metal spikes. The sofa is fucked.”
“Language, Malena.” Jens sounds exhausted, even more tired than Axel looks after barely an hour’s sleep. He feels oddly deflated, looking over at Axel who now, frankly, looks pale and ill. Struggling to keep his eyes open.
“Axel go to bed. Go to sleep. I’ll sort the kids out and will call you later.”
“Do you want me to leave?” Axel asks. Looking so sad that Jens just wants to kiss him right there. Lift him up and carry him to bed.
“No. Never. Just go back to bed and close the door. Sleep. Don’t worry about anything else.”
“Okay.” Axel stands up. “Have a good day, kiddos.”
“Axel, kissy-kissy, night-night!” Mikki is blowing kisses at him and even Malena is smiling. Just a small smile. Barely there.
Jens follows silently as Axel stumbles awkwardly into the messy hallway, stepping over bags and clothes along the way before he lets his body fall onto the bed. He barely registers Jens’ footsteps behind him, or the soft caress of his head. The blanket that Jens spreads over his body or the soft kiss on his cheek.
Axel sleeps.
And Jens wonders how his children can be such little brats, while at the same time making him so immensely proud of them. How they make his chest swell with pride. With love. With amazement of how they have turned out pretty okay under the circumstances.
He needs to spend some time with Morten. He needs to tell Malena how amazingly awesome she is. He needs to take Marthe to the zoo. Do some silly ‘Daddy and Baby’ classes with her. She has missed out on so much, all those things that Sofie would have done before she became too ill. Too tired. And Mikki? Darling little boy. Jens gets tears in his eyes just thinking about him.
He walks back into the kitchen where chaos once again reigns. Where Marthe is standing up in her highchair, and Morten is nowhere to be found and Mikki is naked! And Malena is texting on her phone.