“No.” Tom groans, his head still flush against the table, banging his forehead against the hard surface in a steady rhythm that does nothing to help the fucking confusion swirling around in his brain.
“Tell him you need to get laid. And that there is only one person you want to get laid with. Go on, Dad. Live a little. Release your inner slut.”
“I’m not a slut. I am a grown-up and the last time I got laid, I made you.”
He can’t believe he said that out loud. That he admitted to it.
“Really?” Max is speechless. For once. Just staring at him. “Seriously? And your dick is still attached to your body? It hasn’t just shrivelled up and died from neglect? “
“Can we change the subject?” Tom squeals. Because this is not a conversation he is prepared to have right now. Honestly.
“No, Dad. So, let’s get the facts straight. You have been in love with Lukas since you were a teenager. But you went out and shagged around. With girls.”
“I shagged my girlfriend. Then I shagged your Mum. Two girls,” Tom corrects, then dies a little. He needs to stop talking.
“And how many boys did you shag?”
“Shut up.” Here we go. Grumpy Tom is back.
“So, zero men. And you still like the idea of shagging Lukas?” Max is leaning back on his seat. Looking serious. Like he is discussing world peace or something.
“He is the only person I have ever truly been in love with. And I was so bloody young, I have no idea if I am still in love with him, or if it’s just a ridiculous idea in my head, that I would still be. That he would always be the one. The one I was destined to be with. The love of my life. I just want to get to know him and see if there is something there. I can’t do anything else. If I don’t, then I will go crazy wondering what if. What if there could be a happy ending to this mess? What if he gets to know me and realises that I am nice? That I would love him if he let me. That maybe he would learn to love me too if we just tried?”
“So, in other words you are desperate. Pathetic, Dad. There are things out there you know? Like Grindr.”
“What’s Grindr?” Tom is hanging onto Max’s every word.
“This app where you can put in what you like and what kind of blokes you fancy, and people put pics of their dicks, so you can kind of see what you are getting. Then, you meet up and shag. Easy.”
“And you do this?” Tom almost squeals out. “Fuck Max, you are grounded. You are not going out meeting strangers in some back alley just so you can get some dick. Absolutely not. I forbid it.”
Yeah. He’s doing the ‘pathetic attempt at proper parenting’ thing again. Waving his arms around glaring at Max, who is just laughing.
“I would never in a million years use Grindr. What do you think of me? I can’t even make friends and have a panic attack whenever I have to ring and make a dentist appointment. Do you seriously think I would manage to go through with a hook-up?”
Tom breathes. In. Out. Yeah. Suppose not. Thank God.
“Don’t,” he says sternly and pokes his finger at Max. “No Grindr.”
“But you are a fully grown adult and there would be loads of really hot blokes willing to teach you to suck cock if that’s what you want. “
“I don’t. I don’t want to bloody suck cock. I just want to be with Lukas. Okay? That’s all I want. I want to be his friend. I want him to forgive me. And then I might want to suck his cock. “
Smooth, Tom. Really good conversation.
“Good plan, Dad.” Max sighs, throwing the empty sausage wrapper towards the sink. Missing completely as the paper lands pathetically back on the floor next to them.
“I should have bought more sausages,” Tom sighs.
“Yeah,” Max huffs. “They’re nice.”
“Thank you. For talking to me. I should just give up, shouldn’t I? I should leave him alone. He obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me.” Tom slams the laptop shut. Runs his fingers through the greying strands of hair on his head.
“Maybe he is just as scared as you?”
“Lukas was never scared. He’s the bravest bloke I have ever met. Even when I was vile to him, he was always defiant. Pushing back and trying not to let me win.”
“Then tell him how scared you are. Be truthful. Say you are scared of how you feel and ask him if you can just talk to him. You can only be honest, Dad.”
“You say this from experience?” Tom is taking the piss. He knows full well there is no experience. But he doesn’t want to stop talking. Doesn’t want to be alone. Please don’t leave me alone. The vibration from his mobile phone makes him jolt and Max leans over as the screen lights up.
“You added him as LUKAS with a red heart emoji? Oh, Dad. Such a romantic gesture.”
Yeah. Max is laughing again. Fine. He can give him that.
“Yes, it was either that or Twat-Lukas. I thought I should try to turn over a new leaf.”
“Mature, Dad.”
“I know.”
“What does he say?”
“Hi Tom. Please do not send any more gifts. We are not friends. We are nothing. I am your son’s teacher and as such, I need to maintain a fully professional relationship with Maximillian to ensure his education is completed. I will, of course, follow through with my duties to your son, but beyond that please respect my privacy. Best, Lukas Myrtengren”
“Ouch.”
“Ouch indeed.” Tom smiles. “Game on.”
“Dad….”
“I’m sending him chocolates tomorrow. 72 KexChoklad in a gift basket. The perfect gift for the chocolate lover.”
“Dad. Don’t.” But Max is laughing. Shaking his head like he can’t quite believe it.
“I have nothing to lose. I might as well roll with this. Until he agrees to go out for a walk and lets me talk to him. Buy him coffee. That’s all I want.”
“Dad. You are fucking bonkers.”
“Nope.” Tom laughs. “I’m a man on a mission.”
LUKAS
“Myrtengren?”
Fuck. That’s Anita. The school-office-Dictator slash administrator and self-proclaimed God of rules and paperwork. Lukas is never in her good books. He’s consistently late with forms and has totally bought the idea that ‘Online is King.’ Whilst Anita is firmly stuck in the 1970s or something with her obscene obsession with paperwork. And of course, Lukas is standing in the middle of the corridor with nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.
“Myrtengren!!”
Now, she’s mad. Great.
“Yes, Anita, how are you today?” He tries to smile his most charming smile.
“Can you come with me, please?” she snarls. She is not happy. Lukas tries to rack his brain as to what he has done this time. What he could have possibly missed. He has printed and signed his timesheets and submitted last week’s summaries, so should pretty much be in the clear? He hopes.
She stops in front of the reception desk and turns around to face him.
“Myrtengren, Östra Real’s Senior School is not a Post Office. We do not accept deliveries for staff during school hours. You will have to arrange for any items to be delivered to your home address. Consider this a warning, Myrtengren, the next time we will refuse to accept your, whatever you call this.”