TOM: Lukas. We have known each other for a very long time. It was never a friendship, but you and I both know that what happened between us at school was awkward, wrong and ridiculous. I need to put it right, for you, and for my own peace of mind. Please help me.
LUKAS: There is nothing to put right, Tom.
TOM: Yes, there is. There is a lifetime of mistakes.
LUKAS: I have a good happy life. You are an arsehole. You need to move on.
TOM: See? There is something we need to fix right there. I was an arsehole. I have spent my whole adult life trying not to be an arsehole. I’m a nice person.
LUKAS: No, you are not. I have asked you to stop. You just won't stop. Please stop.
TOM: No.
LUKAS: Why the hell not? What do you want from me?
TOM: I just want to talk to you. Get to know you.
LUKAS: Why on earth would you do that? I’m still a fucking queer faggot, Tom.
There is a long pause. Not even a speech bubble forming on his screen, and Lukas is almost disappointed, when he should be relieved. He should put his phone on silent. He should block the freaking number.
TOM: And I’m a selfish human being who just wants to feel a little bit better about myself.
He throws the phone across the bed and groans out in frustration. Trust Tom to try to pull on the heartstrings.
LUKAS: WHAT.DO.YOU.WANT.FROM.ME?
TOM: I want to sit down and talk with you. I would love to have you over for dinner, but I understand that you wouldn’t agree to that. Would you have a coffee with me?
LUKAS: No.
TOM: Please.
LUKAS: NO TOM.
TOM: OK, fine. Lovesurprises.se has some brilliant cheesy gift ideas. Did you see the fruit baskets? What do you prefer, the exotic fruits or banana explosion?
LUKAS: DO NOT SEND ANY MORE SHIT TO SCHOOL. I WILL GET FIRED.
He won’t. But whatever.
TOM: No, you won’t. Do you prefer chocolate? The Belgian handmade collection looks amazing.
LUKAS: No. NO NO NO NO NO NO.
Lukas groans. He hasn’t got a clue how to stop this.
TOM: Tell me what you like. Tell me what would make you smile and I promise not to send anything else to your place of work.
LUKAS: I don’t trust you.
There is another pause.
TOM: I know you don’t. You don’t know how devastating it is to know that. I hope you will one day. I hope that we can be friends and maybe one day we can laugh about this.
LUKAS: We will never be friends.
TOM: Then why are you still talking to me?
Good point.
LUKAS: So that I can ensure that I still have a job next week and that Anita in the office won’t reject my timesheets for the rest of the term.
TOM: Would you like me to send Anita flowers? To apologise?
Fuck. This is going from bad to worse.
LUKAS: NO TOM. Please log out from Lovesurprises.se and delete your account. That would make me happy.
TOM: Really?
LUKAS: Yes.
TOM: On one condition.
LUKAS: TOM.
TOM: Just tell me one thing. What do you like? What really makes you happy?
LUKAS: NOT HAVING TO DEAL WITH SHIT LIKE THIS.
TOM: LUKAS.
LUKAS: Just please stop this.
TOM: Then tell me. Tell me one thing you love.
This is when Lukas should block Tom. Not reply. He should just stop. Because it’s not healthy. It’s messing with his head and to be very honest, Lukas was on the verge of smiling a second ago and that is fucked up on so many levels that Lukas doesn’t even want to think about it.
He is happy. He is fine. He works, he goes out for a beer with Simon every Friday. He visits his Mum. He doesn’t worry about his finances, because apart from clothes he spends fuck all on anything. Apart from Netflix. And the internet.
He should buy a TV. He should get a dog. He should pull the duvet over his head and go to sleep. But then he knows full well that he won’t be able to sleep a wink right now.
LUKAS: I love Hershey’s Milk Chocolate bars. The American stuff. I fucking hate KexChoklad.
He shouldn’t have sent that. Because he knows Tom. You give him an inch and he will just take, take and take, mile after mile. He remembers. He hasn’t forgotten a thing. He hasn’t moved on at all.
TOM: I am deleting my Lovesurprises.se account right now.
The screenshot photo comes in a second later. Account deleted.
LUKAS: Thank you.
TOM: Would you reconsider the coffee? I’m buying. Public coffeeshop, one coffee, just to talk.
LUKAS: No, Tom. Goodnight.
It’s almost disappointing when there is nothing else. Lukas just sits there with the phone in his hand, waiting. For nothing. What the fuck is he thinking?
He puts the phone on charge and switches off the light. He is going to sleep. He is going to have a good night’s sleep, and in the morning, he is going to run. Then have breakfast. Then throw away the damn basket that is still on the desk in the Biology room, now empty. He had a good day. His students laughed, and actually paid attention to him even though they were only doing it because he was chucking chocolates at them. He had actually smiled. Tom had made him smile. And he is not quite sure he is okay with that.
He flicks the light on again and picks the phone back up. Types out a message and deletes it again.
Lets his finger hover over the screen. Block this caller. Create new contact.
His heart is racing. It shouldn’t. He is nothing. He is an idiot. He doesn’t need any more damn straight confused men in his life. He is going to stay single. He is going to be the best teacher he can be. He is going to be happy.
Create new contact. Name. Tom. Last name Turdface.
He deletes. Adds Andersson. He is a professional. It might be useful to have Maximillian’s father’s number. In case of health-related problems. He is being responsible. Nothing else. He has no reason to have his number, really. None.
TOM: Thank you for letting me text with you. I appreciate it. Honestly Lukas. Thank you. Goodnight.
MAX
This Queer group thing is doing my head in. Not that it’s a challenge I can’t overcome, since it will be a bunch of nerdy girls who I have no interest in, and some openly queer kid who is probably the girl with blue hair and the rainbow jacket in Year 1. I should find out her name. It would only be polite. I mean, since I am now officially out. Not just to my Dad, but to everyone else.
It’s weird that I never had to come out to my Dad, that he just always knew I was me. That the intense crush on Theo James wasn’t just me being awkward, but that Dad bought into it and didn’t make me feel weird about it. Instead, he bought me every film Theo had ever done on DVD and let me talk through them in awe, describing every feature of Theo’s handsome face in detail whilst he just chuckled and made us more popcorn.
He also took me to the Divergent fan convention in Copenhagen. Just like that, so I could have my photo taken with Shailene. Who of course isn’t Theo, but her lips had kind of been on his, so it was the closest to Theo my pathetic self would ever come. I have a picture of her kissing my cheek. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. Well, that was after I had a panic attack in the queue waiting for my turn and the organisers took me and Dad to the side and then arranged for a private meeting with her. It was like totally awesome. I was fourteen. Everything was totally awesome. Looking back, it was childish and quite funny, but the photo is still on my wall and I kind of love it. My Dad has one as well. Where he is completely embarrassed and Shailene looks like she is about to die.