“‘When we first adopted Stella, I bristled at the idea of having to share her with you, even through periodic updates and photos. I wanted her to be all mine, especially after her father died, but she’s never been all mine. She’s yours, too, and as I got to know you through our letters, I realized how lucky I was to have someone else out there who loves her like I do. Which is why, when I received this devastating diagnosis, my second thought was about you.
“‘As you know, I don’t have a lot of family, and we’ve moved so much due to my job that there really isn’t anyone else I can ask to finish raising my beloved child who would love her and care for her the way I do.’”
By now, Amanda was rocking on the sofa. She’d wanted to shake things up, but she’d never imagined anything like this.
“‘It’s a big ask. I know that. But there it is. I’m asking, and I thought you might want to hear from Stella, too.’”
Landon shuffled the pages and read from the third one.
“‘Hello, it’s me, Stella, and as you know, I’m twelve years old.’”
Stella. Tears filled Amanda’s eyes as the old familiar ache took up residence in her chest.
“‘My mom and I talked about what we should do after we found out why she’s been having so many headaches.’”
Tears ran unchecked down Amanda’s face. She was filled with disbelief and the strangest feeling of hope that made her feel guilty in light of what they were dealing with.
“‘My mom said you gave me up because you were too young to take care of a baby. Because of that, we thought your situation might be different now, and it might be possible for you to take care of a twelve-year-old who is a good student and a good kid. I really am! I do what my mom tells me to do. I work hard in school and get really good grades. I also play soccer and do dance. Before we consider other options, my mom and I decided we should reach out to you. She called the agency, and they agreed to forward our letter to you because of our situation. They said you checked a box on the adoption form allowing contact before I turn eighteen if anything changed for me. I know it’s a lot to ask of anyone, but if you are as interested in meeting me as I am in meeting you, maybe we could start there and see what happens? If not, that’s okay. I understand this is a very big thing to ask of anyone, especially someone who doesn’t even know me! The agency said if you contact them, they’ll put us in touch. I hope to hear from you, but if I don’t, I’ll just say thank you for bringing me into the world. Love, Stella.’”
Oh my God, Amanda thought. Could she be any sweeter or cuter? She wiped away tears that continued to fall. “Can I see the letter?”
Landon handed it to her.
She scanned the loopy, middle-school handwriting and read the letter for herself, devouring every word all over again.
“She seems like a very special young lady,” Landon said.
“So special.”
“How do you feel about what she’s asking?”
“I’ll do it. Of course I will.”
“You don’t want to think about it?”
“What’s there to think about? She’s my child, and she’s going to need a home.”
“It’s so awesome that that’s your first impulse, but you’re not under any obligation to do this. You know that, right?”
“I do. I know that, but it doesn’t matter. I want her. I’ve yearned for her from the minute I signed those papers. I knew it was the best thing for both of us at the time, but she’s right. Everything has changed for me since then.”
“For what it’s worth, I’d do the same thing in your shoes.”
“You would?”
“Absolutely. So I’m only playing devil’s advocate when I remind you of the list of things you want to do.”
“None of that matters now. The only thing that matters is Stella.” Her voice broke as she spoke of her child.
“That’s a beautiful name.”
Amanda nodded and covered her mouth, trying to contain the sob that came from the deepest part of her.
Landon put his arms around her and held her while she cried, smoothing his hand over her back.
They stayed like that for a long time, until the room had gone dark and her tears had subsided.
“Thank you.”
“I didn't do anything.”
“You were here, and that helped tremendously.”
“I’m happy to be here with you, and I’ll do whatever I can to make this easier for you.”
“I’m going to get to meet my daughter.”
“Yes, you are.”
Amanda thought of the trip to Paris she’d impulsively booked that would have to be canceled. Or, maybe she could take Stella with her.
Stella.
Her child wanted to meet her and maybe come to live with her. Emotions she’d never experienced before flooded her system in a wild burst of endorphins. “Maybe this is why I survived that fire. So I could be there for her.”
“Maybe so.”
“Wouldn’t that be something?”
Landon smiled and nodded. “It’s so sad about her mom, though. She’s going through a lot at only twelve.”
“I know. I thought that, too. This is so, so, so not about me...”
“It's a little bit about you.”
“I just, I wonder… How soon do you think I’ll get to meet her?”
“Probably pretty soon. If you call the agency in the morning, they’ll help you set something up.”
Amanda put her hand on her stomach, which was suddenly full of butterflies. “This day turned out much differently than I expected.”
“My Gramps always says, ‘You never know what’s around the next bend.’”
“It’s so true. I couldn’t have seen this one coming. That’s for sure.”
“Do you feel like you could eat?”
“I doubt it. I’m buzzing like I’ve had a dozen cups of coffee.”
“How about a movie, then?”
“I thought you had to work?”
“I do, but I have a radio, and I’ll get there eventually.”
“It’s fine if you go. I promise I’ll be okay. I’ll sit here and stare at the TV while I think about how I’m going to get to meet my daughter.”
Landon smiled at her. “I’m happy for you.”
“I’m happy for me, too, but I have to remember what she’s going through and keep telling myself it’s not about me.”
He took hold of her hand and brushed his lips over her knuckles. “I’m going to keep reminding you it’s about you, too. Of course it is.”
“I’ll understand if this is too much for you.”
“Huh? What? It’s not too much. Why would you think that?”
“We just started, you know, something… And this sort of changes the game.”
“It doesn’t change anything for me.”
“Even if it changes everything for me?”
“Even if. And for what it’s worth, Butler, Vermont, is a great place to raise kids.”
Amanda smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “Thank you for being so awesome. I’d be losing it if I was alone right now.”