That evening I resisted the urge to check in with Benji and tried to forget what an idiot I’d been. Giving him a gift with a note like that? I didn’t do that kind of thing. Not even for girls. Not even for my most serious girlfriend, Sienna, who I’d dated a full semester before I realized we had nothing in common.
I didn’t have the best dating history, so that wasn’t saying much. After Sienna, I’d played the field. I hooked up at parties when the urge struck, but I rarely made the effort to go on dates. I had other priorities: my studies, my job, my frat responsibilities. It was just easier without giving another person the right to place demands on my time.
Jeremy jokingly called me a player, but that wasn’t it. I just hadn’t seen a future with anyone. How could I when I had barely believed in a future for myself? If it weren’t for Jeremy dragging me by the short-and-curlies, I wouldn’t have made it to college, much less the dean’s list and a leadership position in the frat. I owed him big time because, as a kid from the trailer park on the outskirts of town, I was destined for a dead-end, minimum-wage job. That was all I could see on the horizon without the talent to get an athletic scholarship.
At seventeen years old, Jeremy had single-handedly done the research to help me apply for scholarships, grants, and loans without my parents’ input. Thanks to him, I was on track to receive an engineering degree in May. It was my ticket out of the trailer park for good, my ticket to a better life. I owed my best friend everything.
Which is why you shouldn’t be looking at his younger brother.
No matter how I bottled my feelings, they kept looking for a way out. Maybe that’s what the secret admirer gift was. My way out.
I already knew that, stupid or not, I was going to do it again. It was just a matter of when.
A fist hammered on my door. “Yo, Ace! We’re going out.”
Keith was one of the biggest lushes in the house, and he was always ready for a party. I glanced at my pile of books, which I’d yet to crack. I really shouldn’t get hammered on a school night.
The door swung open and Keith barged in. “Stop jerking off and come be my wingman! The chicks always flock to you.”
An exaggeration. Rolling my eyes, I stood. “What do I get out of the deal?”
“You get laid, man.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You think I need you to do that?”
“Fuck you. I’ll buy you a couple shots,” he said. “But just a couple.”
I grinned. That was exactly what I was after. As a student who didn’t have his expenses covered by mommy or daddy, I needed to save my money for more important things than the next day’s hangover.
Like another gift for Benji.
Maybe. Maybe not.
But I didn’t want to think about that. It made me feel foolish, idiotic, and strangely uncomfortable in my own skin. Nothing a couple of shots of tequila wouldn’t clear up — at least for now.
Benji
Dre grabbed another handful of kisses, and I gave him a stern look. “That’s the last of them for you.”
He huffed. “But I’m helping with your suspect list.”
I rolled my eyes. Dre had read my secret admirer note while I was in class. I should have hidden it away in my desk, but of course I couldn’t use my brain when Ace was there offering to take me to lunch.
I might have had a pile of candy on my bed, but he was even better eye candy. At six feet two inches, he towered over me. He looked the part of frat-boy jock with a strong jaw, an athletic build, and biceps that could make any gay boy cry for him. But his sports days were over; he’d left basketball in high school, and he was way smarter than the average jock. That was probably me stereotyping, but Ace was seriously brilliant, and I wasn’t biased at all by the black-rimmed glasses he wore when studying that made him ten times sexier.
I envied his brawn and his brains, to be honest. College was a lot harder than I anticipated, and I was never a great student to begin with. I loved art, and I was here to find a way to use my art to make a living. I had no intention of giving up my passion for manga and anime, but I wasn’t naïve — or talented enough — to believe I could rely on that to pay the bills.
My future was most likely in graphic arts, but I planned to study animation, videography, and anything else that might transition me into a real career. It was early days, and I had time to figure out exactly which artistic discipline suited me best — or at least wouldn’t make me want to strangle someone. Because working in some office, doing spreadsheets like my dad? No. Fucking. Way.
“I don’t need your help,” I told Dre.
“Hey, you wouldn’t have half those names without me.”
“I don’t even know half these names,” I exclaimed. “You might know everyone in the building, but I don’t.”
“Well, excuse me for trying to help.”
He reached for another candy and I rapped his knuckles with my pen.
“Ow!”
My phone rang and I answered it without looking at the display. Only two people ever called: Mom and Jeremy. And Mom only called on weekends. Ace was strictly a text-only kind of guy.
That meant it was my annoying big brother.
“I’m still alive,” I answered.
“Very funny.”
“Hi, big brother!” Dre called.
Dre had gotten to know my brother when Jeremy had called to check up on me approximately one billion times my first week on campus. He felt guilty for pressuring me to enroll and then bailing. He also knew better than most my tendency to withdraw in strange settings. But I’d tried last weekend and look where it’d gotten me.
A humiliating night ending with gorging myself on ice cream while Ace sat across from me, unaware of just how unforgivably attractive he was as he tried to raise my spirits. I hated the pity, but I couldn’t hate the lips delivering it.
But now you have a secret admirer…
The thought made me smile. My attempt at dating had been a disaster, but someone thought I was special.
“What are you two doing?” Jeremy asked me.
“I was thinking about robbing a liquor store, but Dre refused to be my getaway driver.”
“Oh, good. More sarcasm.”
Dre leaned in toward my phone. “Jeremy, tell your brother to share his candy from his secret admirer.”
“Your secret what?”
I sent Dre a death glare. “Nothing. Dre is committing the sin of gluttony.”
“Sharing is caring,” Dre singsonged.
“Wait, wait, wait,” my brother said. “You got candy from some rando and you’re eating it?”
“Well, Dre is eating it, mostly.”
“Dude, how do you know this isn’t from some creeper? It could be laced with laxatives or … something worse!”
I glanced down at the basket of candy, feeling betrayed. Could it be some kind of honey trap? I didn’t think I’d pissed anyone off enough to poison me. But I was uneasy, thinking about Kaleb. He stood me up; would he go a step further to humiliate me?
“They’re wrapped,” I said, feeling uncertain.
“Don’t underestimate the effort someone might go to,” Jeremy said. “If they’re weird enough to give you secret gifts, they might be crazy enough to unwrap and rewrap candies.”