Trip chuckled gently. “Yeah. But aren’t we all, really? Everyone’s running from something. Even our guests. What better place to hide than nature?”
“Now you sound like a stoner in the woods. This outing really got to you. Go home and sleep it off,” Henry teased Trip with a grin.
Trip raised his hands in defeat and stood up, wandering out of the room. “Message received. At least try to have fun, huh?”
He looked so dejected that Henry felt bad. He turned and half-hugged Trip before he could go. “Thanks, man. I will,” he promised. He was grateful for the push Trip had given him to get out there and date. “I just… doubt I’ll strike it lucky.”
“Why don’t you think you will?”
Henry made a face. For all he knew, he’d end up paired with some super-macho insecure guy he’d never in a million years come out to while alone in a cabin. Or a thirty-something professional in a suit with his life together and a string of gorgeous exes.
As a man who had been off the market for months, Henry was more than a little intimidated.
“I don’t even know if I’m his type,” he said instead. That was a lot simpler than explaining everything.
“Nobody ever knows that. But you gotta take the chance to find out,” Trip told him, the gloom fading into another smile. “And, objectively, you’re super hot. Even I can recognize that. You can’t argue, because I’m an unbiased judge.”
Henry cracked up and smacked Trip’s shoulder. “You’re just trying to get me to cover your vacation this year.”
“Maaaybe.” Trip winked and shouldered his jacket, grabbing his car keys. “Anyway, have all the fun and tell me about it later.”
Henry eyed Trip and shook his head. The rascal was just trying to make him blush. “Go on, get,” he shooed Trip, but he was grinning. “See you next week.”
Packing went a lot quicker without Trip harassing him, but his friend had gotten the wheels turning.
Was Henry running from something? If so, what? Vulnerability, the weight of his own expectations, or the very real possibilities of rejection and harm… those were all possibilities.
Dating wasn’t easy for anyone, but being a trans gay man seemed to add another layer of hoops to jump through. Henry got plenty of interest, which was good for his ego, but turning that into a date… that was where it all fell apart.
Henry had halfheartedly tried for the last year, which mostly consisted of late nights on Grindr when he was in the city between work trips, followed by deleting the app and sharing a bottle of wine with his angst.
Some guys seemingly hadn’t cared, but Henry had psyched himself out before they ever met. Others just went silent. A few had jumped straight into genital questions that made Henry want to curl up and never date again.
Adding “trans” to his profile ahead of time to screen out those jerks was no better. Even if he added “top” too, he still got messages from guys who wanted him to bottom because he was trans, or who even thought he was a trans woman.
It was an anxiety-inducing mess, but escaping to the backcountry only worked for so long. Sooner or later, Henry had to push himself out of his comfort zone.
But this was a lot more pushing than he’d expected.
If they had no chemistry or if he didn’t feel safe, Henry wouldn’t disclose to him, and it would just be any old awkward first date. It was that simple.
But if they did… then what would happen?
The butterflies were back in Henry’s stomach as he zipped up his backpack and checked his watch for the fourth time that minute. He just had time for a quick shower and shave before he left for the airport.
As he opened the bathroom cabinet, Henry’s gaze landed on the box of condoms on the shelf.
He bit his lip, half-reaching for them, hand hovering midair. Finally, he shook his head. “Fuck it,” he muttered and grabbed them. He doubted he could click with anyone that much in just one date… but better safe than sorry.
Trying not to get his hopes up, he headed to the bedroom and jammed it into the backpack, then resumed his shave.
Despite his caution, Henry was excited at the prospect of a real date. He’d forgotten he could feel this excited. If worst came to worst and he didn’t feel up to it, he didn’t have to disclose to his date or do anything sexual. He could just make a new friend.
Rather than plunging in the deep end of dating, this could be a way of getting over his fear of the icy water and dabbling a toe.
But as he splashed water over his face and patted it dry, for the first time Henry allowed himself to admit that Trip was right. He did want and need more than he’d allowed himself to wish for in a long time.
Quite what he was supposed to do about it, Henry didn’t know. But… one thing at a time. He had a flight to catch.
3
Jaden
“You’re fucking kidding me. A plane?”
“Relax. Your therapist said you should push yourself, didn’t she?” Despite his soothing words, Spence was clearly a touch worried himself. There was a wrinkle in his brow, and his grip on the steering wheel was tight.
Like Charon delivering a victim across the River Styx, he was driving Jaden to the airport. Meanwhile, Jaden was planning ways to shank him using only the contents of the glovebox.
If Jaden were thinking clearly, he might have agreed that he was ready for it. Logically, he knew it. After all, he’d been the one foolish enough to tell Spence he wanted to try leaving the house soon so he could start dating again.
Which had led to this whole escapade.
“I don’t even know who I’m going on the date with.” There was no way he could hide the fears that gripped him. What if the guy turned out to an asshole who laughed at him? And Jaden became this stranger’s weirdest first date story for life?
“Relax. You’re doubting my choice of date?”
“I seriously am,” Jaden muttered under his breath, slumping back into the car seat.
As they pulled up in front of the departures entrance, Spence turned to him. “I’ll have my phone on 24/7. So will your therapist.”
“I know.” Jaden wanted to believe Spence when he said he was there for him.
But he physically wouldn’t be, and Jaden had to trust he was okay on his own for the date he’d won. They were flying to Phoenix, then taking a limo toward the Grand Canyon, stopping for a helicopter ride over it, and biking to a cabin for the night.
The thought of all that open air was making Jaden so nauseous he wanted to be sick.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“I can pull around—”
“Park here just to see me through security? No point. Save the parking fees.” Jaden’s voice was tight, but he offered a slight smile.
He did appreciate his brother helping, but goddamn, he could have used some more time to get used to the idea of going out before he actually did it. A week was not long enough to prepare. But right now, it felt like a lifetime wouldn’t have been enough time, either.
Jaden switched his brain off. If he didn’t think about this, it couldn’t hurt him, right? He barely remembered checking in, or even the snaking security lines in the middle of the much too lofty atrium.