While they’re gone I take the opportunity to call my parents. I sit on my bed and dial my mother first.
“Hey, Mum.”
“Hi darling, how’s Sydney treating you? How’s Charlie liking it?”
“It’s great, Charlotte loves it, you should see the way Nick decorated his apartment, she’s in Christmas heaven.”
“HA! I bet. How are you doing? Is everything okay?”
“No. I mean, nothing’s wrong, but Nick told me something and I’ve been running it over and over in my head and I guess I just need to talk about it.”
“Okay. You have me all concerned now. What did he exactly tell you?” I swallow the lump in my throat before I start talking.
“Mum, he had an accident, a really bad one, he came close to not being here today.”
“What, when, is he okay?”
“He’s fine now, it was about a couple of years ago. He was hit by a car while in London.” I sit there for the next fifteen minutes repeating most of what Nick told me about his accident and injury as well as my fears and thoughts. “I’ve been so caught up in my own anger towards him for so long I never considered how he was doing, I assumed he had just moved on with his life but he didn’t, he tried to come to us sooner. I’ve finally let all the anger and hate go. When I think about that night now all I feel is sadness for the time we’ve lost. Charlotte came close to never meeting her father, I almost lost him again.” Tears are running freely down my cheeks. “He tried to call Dad, did you know about that?”
“No sweetheart, I promise you I had no idea, your father never said anything to me. Don’t be too harsh on him, he was only protecting you, you and Charlotte are the only family he has.”
“I know but it still hurts that he never bothered to tell me.”
“Nicholas never forgot about you. Is that what you need, Alannah, to know you are still his first priority after so long.”
“That’s not it. We’re moving on, we’re both in this, we both want the same thing which is to be a family.”
“How do you really feel?”
“I’m sad, sad that he went through that alone and so damn angry at him at the same time. Even if I knew he had been hurt, I don’t know if I would have been there for him or if it would have changed anything between us at the time. He was my first love, my first everything, my fairy tale and it blew up in my face. I’m doing the right thing aren’t I, giving this another chance?”
“Does he make you happy? Forget Charlotte for a moment, you know he loves her and will be there regardless, are you happy?”
“Yes.”
“Then you’re doing the right thing.”
“Thanks, Mum.”
“Anytime, darling. I’ll let you go. Give that granddaughter of mine a big hug and kiss. When are you coming home by the way?”
“In another week I think, just after new year, I’ll let you know. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
I hang up and have my finger hover over my dad’s name for a few seconds before calling. He picks up after the third ring.
“Hey, Anna, long time no hear, what’s up?”
“Well, I’m in Sydney.”
“You are? Why?” He asks confused.
“Charlotte and I are spending Christmas with Nick.”
“I see.”
"I know about the phone call.” I blurt out.
"What phone call?"
"The one Nick made to you a couple of years ago wanting to get in touch with me. You never told me."
"I didn't think I had to. You were done with him."
"Do you know after he got off the phone with you he had an accident, which is the only reason he stayed away for so long. All this time you wanted me to believe the worst about him. I’m not saying he hasn't made mistakes, we all know he has but when he tried to fix them, you stood in the way. You could have just told me he tried to contact you. It was not your decision to make."
"I was being a parent. The first time I saw you after you moved in with your mother your spark and smile were gone, you were a shell of yourself and I blame him. I didn't want that happening again."
"Dad I love you, I don’t want to choose between you but if you can't let this go you're only going to be hurting me and Charlotte. My future is with Nick, he will always be in our lives, please let it go, if I can forgive him so can you."
"Just give me some time."
"I can do that. Hopefully we can catch up before I fly back home."
“Sounds like a plan.”
I get off the phone and let out a sigh. That went better than I thought. I know he's my father and only doing what he believed best for me at the time, would I do the same thing in his position, keep something from Charlotte in order to protect her? I suppose only time will tell.
My phone beeps with an incoming message from Rachael letting me know the package I was waiting for has arrived. I reply that I'll be over soon to collect it. Thank goodness, I was so worried it wouldn’t arrive in time even though I put it through as an urgent request. I send Nick a text that I'm going out for about an hour to meet up with Rachael. He texts back telling me to be careful and that he’s sending a car and driver over. I can’t help but roll my eyes at his over-protectiveness.
The driver who shows up is Zac of all people. I haven't seen him since he was driving me around when Nick and I were engaged. This is awkward to say the least. It honestly feels a little weird having him drive me around again, like I've stepped back into the past except I’m not the same person I was back then and neither is Nicholas.
I'm wrapping gifts in the bedroom where I can hear laughter and arguing coming from what will be Charlotte's new bedroom making me smile. Apparently choosing paint was a hard experience so her walls are going to be two colours. I don't want to imagine what is happening in that room, Nicholas has never painted a wall in his life. I can hear her instructions and demands floating down the hallway.
Running out of sticky tape I wonder if Nick has any in his home office. I head downstairs and step into his study to find some in order to finish wrapping his gift while he's busy with Charlotte. I haven’t been in this room for years. It is exactly the same, not a thing has been changed, well this is Nicholas Moore we’re talking about here, did I expect anything different, the only alteration is the photos of our daughter framed on his desk, the desk that he fucked me on top of, on more than one occasion.
I open his desk drawers in the hopes of finding what I'm looking for. I have no luck with the top drawer and move down to the next one. I open it up and all the air leaves my lungs when I find what’s lying in there. My engagement ring. He still has it? With shaky fingers I reach in and pick it up.
I close my eyes and two images fight each other in my mind, the day he gave it to me and the one where he ripped it off.
A noise at the door startles me, opening my eyes I find Nick standing there.
"I’m sorry, I was looking for some tape." I stammer. I put the ring back, close the drawer and step away from his desk wrapping my arms around my waist.
I look down at my feet but can sense him moving towards me. Out of the corner of my eye I see his hand open the drawers on the opposite side of his desk, pulling out the tape dispenser and handing it to me.