Chapter 32
Alannah
I run into the hospital through the sliding doors so fast I almost trip over. I'm so out of breath you would think I've just run a marathon. With wide eyes I search the busy area to find Nick standing in a corner looking distraught. He is running his hands through his hair but what catches my eye is the blood on the shoulder of his blue shirt. Our little girl's blood.
“Where is she? Where’s my daughter?” I take told of the front of his shirt shaking him as I speak once I've reached him.
Panic and fear has had hold of me since I got his phone call and I’m afraid to know the answer, afraid to look into his eyes in case it’s bad news so I stare at the buttons at his throat instead. He wraps his arms around me and we hold each other for a moment, each of us drawing strength from the other.
“She’s upstairs with the doctors being seen to. They told me it looked like her arm is broken from the way she fell on it, they didn’t seem too worried but she also hit her head and I haven’t spoken to anyone else yet.”
With his arm around my shoulders he leads me to the elevator and up to the second floor where Charlotte is. We sit and wait for the doctor to come back out and tell us that she is okay and that we can see her.
We ask the nurse at the desk about our daughter but she’s no help at all, all she tells us is that the doctor will be out soon. I swear I want to jump over that counter and smack her. This is my child who's hurt, how long am I expected to wait for answers.
Ten minutes later the doctor and nurse are still with Charlotte and Nick is pacing the corridor up and down in front of me. As I sit on these horrible uncomfortable plastic chairs, I bow my head praying that my little girl will be okay. I watch his feet moving before me back and forth in my line of vision on the ugly green linoleum floor putting me in a strange trance. I feel numb, I don’t want to think, I don’t want to feel I just want to see and hold my daughter. I can hear him mumbling to himself as he continues his pacing.
“If only I had gotten there a few minutes earlier, then she never would have run to me like that.”
I stand up and step in front of him to stop his pacing but at the moment his back is to me.
“I know you’re worried and angry, but it was an accident. Don't blame yourself. You didn't know she would run off like that away from her teacher. ” He spins around so fast with a look of anger on his face and points his finger at me.
“An accident? An accident that could have been avoided. I have been doing everything your way to make you happy. This never would have happened back in Sydney. I should have just made your ass come home months ago. She would have been safe there with security, at home with you or even at the day care centre at Moore & Morgan where she wouldn’t have to run across a fucking car park. I have only been in her life for less than a year and the moment I saw that car strike her all I could think is that that was all the time I would have with her. I'm so sick and tired of this back and forth bullshit.”
My heart plummets into my stomach. I can’t argue. Everything he said is true. His words strike me like an arrow to the heart.
Just then the door opens and the doctor comes out smiling, with his outburst forgotten Nick takes my hand and we rush over to him.
Nicholas and I are sitting on opposite sides of Charlotte’s hospital bed. My baby girl is asleep but she’s fine. Tears of relief have been falling every now and then as I look at her and think of how much worse it could have been if that car was going any faster. She has a broken left arm which is in a cast where she fell on it awkwardly, a small cut to the head where she hit the ground, most possibly on a rock which required a couple of small stitches and some grazes and bruising on her cheek.
She starts to move around groaning in pain. When she fully wakes, opening her eyes, she starts crying upon seeing me.
“Mummy.”
“Don’t cry sweetheart. You’re fine.” I kiss her forehead while wiping her tears away.
“My arm hurts.” She looks down at her cast.
“I know. It’s broken. You had an accident at school when daddy came to pick you up but it will heal and the cast will come off and you’ll be good as new in no time. I’ll get you some medicine for the pain, okay. In the meantime maybe we can decorate it with some colourful drawings or flowers to make it look pretty. What do you say?”
“I guess.” She sounds so down my heart aches.
I look over at Nick who has barely said a word since we came into the room. His eyes are glued on to Charlotte with a sad smile. As I open my mouth to say something Charlie’s doctor comes in to check on his patient. I step away to speak with him leaving Nick with Charlie across the room.
He tells us we will be able to take her home tomorrow morning and to keep an eye out for any dizziness. I thank him as he leaves turning to observe my daughter with her father. He has her smiling and giggling which warms my heart.
Not a minute after the doctor leaves my mother shows up carrying two cups of coffee and tea in a tray and a teddy bear with a pink balloon tied to it.
“Hi darling. How is she?” She asks handing one of the cups to me.
“Fine, just a little banged up. I was so scared, Mum. I never want to feel like that again.” She places her hand on my cheek.
“I know you were.” Her eyes tell me she understands. She walks over to Nick giving him the other cup. “Here, I thought you could use this, the cafeteria stuff is awful.”
“Thank you, Gina.”
She leans over to give Charlotte a kiss and the teddy bear.
“And what trouble have you caused today young lady?” She jokes.
“Nothing.” Charlie laughs hugging the bear with her good arm.
“Okay, Pat is parking the car, now that I’m here go home, have a shower.” She points to Nick whose shirt has dried blood over it. “Change, have something to eat then come back.” We try to argue with her but she’s not having it so we thank her and make our way to my car after promising Charlotte we’ll be back very soon.
The drive home is quiet and tense. Nick hasn’t said a word the entire time and I don’t know if he’s angry with me or blaming himself. When we get home he opens the front door, heading straight to the shower leaving me behind. With a sigh I close the door and slowly follow him to the bedroom where and I sit on the edge of my bed, cover my face and sob while listening to the water running in the bathroom.
I have no idea how long I’ve been crying for until I feel Nick’s arms around me pulling me onto his lap. His chest is still wet from the shower soaking my clothes. I bury my face into his neck taking in his comforting scent.
“Baby what’s wrong, why are you crying?” He asks worriedly.
“I was watching the two of you and despite everything we went through I’m so glad you’re her father. You made her smile. I love how loving, caring and protective you are of her, of both of us. She’s strong and determined just like you.”
“And you.” He tells me.
I pull back to be able to see his face.
“You must hate me. Everything you said at the hospital is true.”
“Oh, Alannah, I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. I was just upset.” He places a soft kiss on my lips.