“I couldn’t, not after everything that happened with Alannah and how I behaved and there's no way you would have kept something like that from them.”
“Maybe, but that still doesn’t take away from the fact that you’re meant to be able to come to me when you're in trouble. I know things were strained between us but I would have been there.”
“I appreciate that, Flynn and again I apologise.”
“Yeah well, you finally got your head out your ass and got your family back so you’re forgiven I guess.”
I have seen more of my friend and family in the last couple of months since Christmas than I had in years. My parents came to visit me at work. Once we sat down they told me that they have had more time to think about the news I dropped on them, that they haven’t been able to sleep without imagining me laying broken on the road. I knew they initially took the news too well when I told them about my accident. The last thing I wanted was to put those pictures in their heads or make my mother cry. I wanted to spare them that, but as a father myself I realise you will always worry about your child no matter what.
“Did we fail you in any way? Make you believe you couldn’t count on us? Did you hate us?”
“No, Mum, please it was nothing like that, nothing you did or didn’t do, it was me, all me, I was being a selfish prick, it’s as simple as that. I was hurting and angry and felt like wallowing on my own.” I get up from my chair to hug her.
"You're not alone, you never were and you never will be. Sometimes you get me so mad, Nicholas I want to smack you. I know the situation with Alannah back then tore our family apart but I don't know, I really don't know what to say." She shakes her head.
“You don’t have to say anything. Look, if it will make you feel better then go ahead and smack me.” I joke lightening the mood getting a smile from her.
Hopefully after our lengthy and honest conversation that day they will let go of the guilt and look towards the future like I am.
I managed to finish up earlier than anticipated yesterday so here I am back in Perth on a Friday afternoon where I'll be staying for the next week. We’re halfway through Alannah's timeframe before she makes the move home. I try to not let myself get excited however with every week that passes, that’s a week closer to having them where they belong. Only three more months. We’ll get there. I’m not going to lie to myself, it’s been difficult, especially at night when I’ve been away from them. Not only am I missing them but I have this crazy fear that I’m missing too much time with Charlotte and seeing her grow, I’ve missed enough time as it is. I know if I told Alannah she would understand, but then feel guilty about it and that’s the last thing I want.
I spoke to Alannah before taking off letting her know I’d be here this afternoon instead of tomorrow morning and that I'd go pick up Charlie from school and surprise her. I also called their security and advised him he can take the rest of the day off.
At three on the dot I park my rental car in the car park and notice the kids are slowly being let out to be collected while their teachers keep an eye out.
Charlotte is standing with one of her teachers looking around for Alannah with her little bag on her back when she turns her head to the left and sees me. She lets out a cheer of excitement and begins to run towards me, her brown hair flying behind her.
As I make my way to her I see a car reversing out of its spot not too far ahead in the direction where Charlie is running. They’re coming out too fast.
“CHARLOTTE STOP!” I scream but it’s no use, she keeps on running.
My heart is about ready to jump out of my chest, the fear causing it to beat uncontrollably fast.
I see it all unfold before my eyes. I run, I run as fast as I can to get to her, to move her out of the way, but I’m too late. The back of the car hits her and her little body sprawls to the ground on the concrete. The sound of the impact will be with me forever.
“NO!” I yell as tears fall down my face.
Chapter 31
Nicholas
I fall to my knees on the ground beside my daughter, hovering over her small body while my eyes are darting in all directions at once checking her for injuries.
“No, no, no. God, Charlie.” I’m sobbing. My vision has become blurry from my tears. With a shaking hand I gently brush her hair off her face.
She’s laying there unmoving with blood running down her face from her head and I fear the worst. Is this my punishment? Is karma getting me back for what I did to Alannah and for not being here for them?
The fucking idiot driver gets out of their car and comes around to where I am. She’s shaken and continuously apologising as she wrings her hands. Under other circumstances I would be empathetic to the shock of having hit a child but in this moment I could care less how they’re feeling, all I care about is my daughter.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see her behind me.”
“Well maybe you should pay more attention,” I yell at her. “Who the hell reverses so fast?”
By this stage other parents and teachers surround us asking if we need help or if she’s okay. Her little school friends who witnessed it are crying by their parent’s side. Does she look okay to you morons?
“Call an ambulance!” I shout.
I pick her up and stand, cradling her close to my chest in my arms. I lay her head on my shoulder then move my ear to her face to check if she’s breathing. Her little breaths are the greatest sound in the world to me. I stand there praying until I hear the sirens a few minutes later then rush over to where the paramedics have stopped.
I hand her over to them, following the gurney into the back of the ambulance and beg them to take care of her as I hold her little hand in mine. Don't worry Charlotte, daddy isn't going anywhere.
With my free hand I pull my phone out from my pocket to call Alannah so she can meet us at the hospital as I beg them to get us there faster. How do I tell her? No parent wants to ever receive a call like this, hearing your child has been in an accident and could be seriously injured.
It rings three times before I hear her sweet voice.
“Hey, I’m on my way home, where are you guys?” She sounds so cheerful and I'm about to ruin that.
“Alannah, you need to get to the hospital right away.” I manage to choke out.
“What? Why? What’s going on? What's happened? You’re scaring me.” She begins to panic. Through tears blocking my throat I somehow tell her our daughter has been hit by a car and how it happened. It's my fault.
“It happened so fast. I tried to get to her. I don’t know if she's okay, she hasn't opened her eyes." I use the sleeve of my shirt to wipe my eyes, "We're in the ambulance now.”
"You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking, Nicholas." She begins to cry in my ear.
“Alannah, you’re driving. I need you to try calm down, baby. We don’t want another accident. Please, drive safely and I’ll see you soon. She’ll be fine, I'm right here with her. I love you.” She has to be fine.
“Okay, I’ll get there as fast as I can.”
Please be okay baby girl.