“You know, you’ve been turning a lot of heads in there tonight. I think you could go home with just about any man you want,” he says, his voice somehow managing to be light and strained at the same time. Does the idea of me going home with someone else upset him? My chest swells at the thought. I lick my lips and take a step closer.
“Do you really think so?” I ask, making my tone low and suggestive so he can’t miss my meaning. “Because there’s a man I’ve had my eye on.”
Watson’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, his eyes dropping to my mouth as I cage him in against the wall.
“We shouldn’t do this,” he protests weakly. His fingers graze the bare skin of my stomach, and his eyes flutter with ecstasy as a quiet gasp falls from my lips. I inch closer until he’s pressed fully against the side of the brick building. The chill of the night licks at my skin, but I barely feel it through the heat of the lust burning inside me.
“Because you don’t want to do this? Or because you think you need to protect my virtue or some shit?” I ask.
He bites his lip and scrunches his eyebrows, clearly summoning all of his energy to figure out the answer to my question, his fingers still dancing along the waistband of my jeans, leaving goosebumps in their wake.
“You’re still trying to figure things out,” he finally says. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
I let out a low rumble of a laugh. “I’m not figuring things out. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I’m gay, and there hasn’t been for a long time. I’ve been afraid to disrupt my comfortable life, not struggling with my identity,” I clarify. “And I really fucking want to know what it would be like to kiss you. I need to see what it feels like. I need…” I break off my plea with a desperate sound, my whole body feeling like it’s about to fly apart into a million pieces if I don’t find something to do with all of this fucking need inside of me.
Watson moans, thrusting his hips forward, grinding the hard steel of his erection against mine. I’ve never felt anything sexier, anything more right. My balls tighten at the sensation, and my eyes roll back.
“Fuck it,” he mutters, seeming to let go of his last thread of control and grabbing me by the back of the neck to drag my face toward his.
My sound of surprise and relief is muffled by his mouth. His lipstick has long since worn off, but I can still taste faint traces of it on his lips, along with the flavor of alcohol and something sweet that must just be Watson. It’s strange to kiss someone who’s my same height, neither of us having to stretch or strain our necks, our bodies perfectly aligned as he digs his fingers into my hips, and I run my hands over his chest and along his slightly rounded belly.
My stomach flutters, and my heart thunders in my ears as our mouths move against each other in a desperate rhythm. Any worry I had that a kiss could never be better than fine is completely obliterated. This kiss doesn’t know the meaning of the word fine. This kiss is nothing but heat and lust and is fucking incredible. It’s everything I never knew a kiss could be.
I slip my tongue past Watson’s lips, and his fingers tighten against my flesh, his groan vibrating into my mouth. His tongue is hot and wet as it drags against mine, the sensation settling between my legs, making my already hard cock throb and leak, leaving my underwear damp and sticky with precum while we ravage each other’s mouths.
Watson pulls one hand off my hips and lifts it to my head, knocking my hard hat off without care, sending it clattering to the ground loudly, and running his fingers through my short hair, while my own hands find their way down to his full, round ass.
The door behind us flies open, and we jump apart in an instant, my lips still tingling from the kiss as I drag the back of my hand across them to wipe away the saliva still clinging there.
“Shit, sorry,” Jordy says, looking between the two of us with wide eyes. “You guys were gone for a long time, so I was coming to check on you, I had no idea…sorry.” He grimaces and hurries back inside.
“Fuck,” Watson mutters, sagging against the wall.
“Yeah, that got a tad out of hand,” I agree, not feeling at all bad about that fact. I run my hands through my hair and pick my hardhat up off the ground.
“Out of hand as in it shouldn’t have happened?” he asks, looking at me with concern.
“What? Fuck no, that was incredible.”
A slow smile creeps over his kiss swollen lips. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” I step close again, caging him in. “When I said out of hand, I just meant I didn’t mean to feel you up and hump you in the alley behind a bar.”
“You didn’t hear me complaining.”
“Does that mean you’d be up for getting out of here with me?”
“Whoa, let’s slow things down for a second.” He puts a hand against my chest and pushes just enough for me to get the hint. I move back reluctantly to give him space to slip away. He pulls his blonde wig off of his head and runs a hand through his hair. “What is this? Like, am I your friend who you feel comfortable enough with to get the whole gay virginity thing out of the way with?”
“What?” I frown. “No, of course not. I told you before, if I wanted to just get it over with, I would find someone on the M4M app and call it a day.”
“So, what then? You like me?” he scoffs as if the idea is ludicrous.
“Yeah, I do.” I answer, and Watson’s eyebrows shoot up. “I mean, I’m not sure if I’m ready for a boyfriend or anything like that, but…”
He purses his lips and squints his eyes. “Got it,” he says after a few seconds. “In that case, I need to think about this before it goes any further.”
“Of course,” I agree, taking a deep breath and willing my cock to calm down. As much as I want to push Watson back against the wall and kiss the hell out of him, I need to respect that he wants space to think. God, space fucking sucks. I want zero space. I want our naked bodies to be pressed so close together there isn’t an inch of space between us. I want our mouths fused, our legs tangled, our breathing in sync.
“Do you want to go back inside?” he asks uncertainly.
“Go ahead, I need another minute to clear my head.”
He hesitates. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m good, I just don’t want to walk back in there like this.” I gesture to the large bulge in the front of my jeans. Watson eyes my dilemma and groans. I’m almost certain he mutters something under his breath about being an idiot before he slips back inside, leaving me all alone in the quiet alley. At least there’s a working streetlight back here.
I lean against the building, the rough brick cold and harsh against the bare skin of my back, but in a strange way, that helps. My entire body is on high alert, all of my nerve endings buzzing at once, my mind racing, and my skin crawling with an overload of sensations. I dart my tongue out and drag it over my lips in an attempt to recapture the taste of Watson’s mouth against mine.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath as too many emotions well up in my chest. How could I have spent so long denying myself something that feels this right? I’ll never regret that Val and I made a beautiful daughter together, but knowing I’ve wasted so much time pretending to be something I’m not when I could’ve had this passion…lust…the chance for real love. It all gets so big inside me that a sob tears through my throat and past my lips, echoing through the otherwise quiet night. The sob turns into a laugh as my emotions go haywire, relief and sorrow, joy and frustration, lust and loss, all mixing together inside of me and then forcing their way out as I laugh and cry all at once. The tears streaking down my cheeks and the choked sound coming from my throat are a catharsis, the ghost of Watson’s lips still lingering on mine as decades of doubt and confusion are washed away in a wave of certainty and hope.