Hence the many, many reasons why I simply did not date.
“My ex cheated on me with my best friend, so I don’t think I’ll be taking her back, ever,” Calum told me flat-out, and the ugly truth of it made me freeze and look at him. He wasn’t lying; I could tell by the way his brows furrowed, his lips frowned, and his hand squeezed mine even harder. So hard it almost hurt, but not quite. “So yes, I am a newly-single man, and I am well aware that you’re not someone to hook up with and dump. I wouldn’t do that to you, and I’d never hear the end of it from Kyle.”
That much was true, I knew. Michelle would rant to Kyle, pretty much force Kyle to be a dick about it to Calum.
“I know I’m not going to be here forever,” he went on, “I know I live a few hours away.” The tight way he held onto my hand finally softened, and his thumb ran over my knuckles as he was lost in thought. “I always said I could never do a long-distance relationship.”
I closed my eyes, having expected him to say something like that. This, whatever it was, was dead in the water from the very beginning. That much shouldn’t surprise me.
My eyes opened when I felt a tug on my hand, when I was drawn into a wide, strong chest. Calum hugged me, leaned his cheek atop my head as he stared out at the lake and the glimmering reflection on its surface. He was warm. So very warm. All I wanted to do was lose myself in that warmth and stop my mind from overthinking everything.
“Call me weird,” Calum murmured, “but there’s something about you, Bree, something I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go home and never see you again.”
These words felt too real to be coming from Calum on our second date. These words…I never imagined anyone would ever speak them to me, let alone possibly mean them. I remained quiet, because I was at a loss for words.
He pulled himself off me, saying, “Why don’t you let me worry about that? Let me worry about what’s going to happen next, okay?” Calum’s free hand ran along my neck, tilting my head toward his, and once again I was breathless. “All I want you to do is believe. Everything I’ve told you I meant, and I want you to believe it.” And then, before he said anything else, he kissed me again—harder, this time, more sure of himself, more sure of me.
And, crazy declarations aside, you know what? He was right.
The kiss was better the second time.
When I got back to the house, no one was up. Michelle was off with Kyle, and my parents were sleeping. I tiptoed through the house, up the stairs to my room. In the darkness, I kicked off my shoes and shedded my sweater before crawling into bed.
Tonight had gone…not at all how I’d imagined it would. Calum had kissed me three times. Twice at the park and once before I came inside.
My heart still beat fast in my chest, a traitor through and through. I knew I shouldn’t let his kisses affect me so. He might’ve claimed he wanted to continue to see me, even after he went home, but I knew better than to think this would continue. I was too old, too jaded for crushes. I knew they never worked out for me. Calum might think he wanted to see me more, but I was sure all it would take was time for him to realize that I was nothing special.
Time, or another girl.
Not his ex, though. Once a cheater, always a cheater, but that was just my opinion on the matter.
He’d asked for my phone number before I went in, after the kiss, and I gave it to him, though I knew I shouldn’t have. He didn’t know how much longer he’d stay in town, so anything more that happened between us was pointless, no matter what he said.
Pointless. It was all pointless.
As I lay in bed, staring at the darkened ceiling with my phone shoved under my pillow, I couldn’t help but wonder how I’d gotten myself into this situation.
No, it wasn’t my fault. It was Michelle’s. She wanted me to go out and live my life, but that’s the thing: I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to get hurt, and with Calum, I knew I would. My emotions warred inside of me, confusion highest in the order of things. I wanted to sit back and enjoy the time I had with him, but I knew better.
I knew better, didn’t I?
I had no idea how long I lay there in bed, wide awake, lost in my own thoughts before my phone buzzed under my head. Eyebrows furrowing, I was instantly drawn out of my mind as I rolled onto my side and reached under my pillow, pulling my phone off its charger as I glanced at its dark screen.
A text message, but it wasn’t from an unknown number, meaning it wasn’t from Calum.
No, it was from the other one. The jealous one. Oh, yeah. I still had no idea what to make of Mason and his so-called jealousy over my date with Calum. He was my partner; I’d already spent a hell of a lot more time with him than with Calum…although, Calum did have a few kisses under his belt, now. And handholding. And a hug.
My hand shook as I unlocked my phone to read the entire message.
Hey. I know you’re probably asleep, so you won’t get this until the morning. Either that, or you’re still with that other guy… He let the text message trail off, and even though I was just moments ago lost in my head, knowing how stupid this all was, I felt my lips curl into a smile.
He was still jealous. Unbelievable.
Really, it was unbelievable. I couldn’t believe my own eyes, even though I was staring at my phone, seeing it for myself. None of this felt real, not even a little bit. This couldn’t be my life, could it? It felt like I’d stepped into some alternate reality where guys actually paid attention to me—something which they’d never done before. Not really. Not that I noticed.
Should I respond to him? I wondered that, biting my bottom lip in the darkness of my room, cradling my phone against the pillow as I stared at the text message. As I wondered, a new message popped up from Mason.
Is it wrong that I spent the night selfishly hoping your date would go horribly? Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m horrible. I’m sorry. What can I say? I meant everything I told you earlier. Now I’m hoping you don’t start to hate me because of what I just said. But, wait, that’s impossible. No one can hate me.
I rolled my eyes, even though I still smiled to myself. Mason could talk, even in texts. It really was never-ending with this guy. I…I think I liked it, weirdly enough. His constant jabbering, his occasional sarcasm, the dimples that appeared every time he grinned.
It was then my mind thought of something, something truly strange, something I never thought I’d have to deal with.
Did I like two guys at once? Did I let my heart go beating for them, against my better judgment? And, lastly, because as I lay there grinning at my phone and Mason’s antics, because I knew the answer to those questions already, I wondered one last thought: why would I set myself up for such failure?
I did not respond to Mason; instead, I slid the phone back under my pillow after putting it on silent. If I knew him like I thought I did, he’d text me about ten more times before turning in for the night, and I did not want to depress myself further. No, I put my phone away and laid there, trying to wrestle with all of the feelings inside me.
I couldn’t like two men at once. I shouldn’t. That was setting myself up for double the heartbreak, and I honestly didn’t think I could handle the heartbreak from one of them. Because that’s what I would get. Heartbreak.