Calum would leave and go home, forget about me the moment he met someone else closer to home. Mason would do this project with me, and then forget about me when we no longer had any classes together. That’s what would happen, I knew it, and yet, my heart ached in my chest when I pictured my life without either of them.
God, how could it already hurt so much? It wasn’t like I was in love with them. This was exactly why I didn’t do crushes; they hurt too much, gave me too much disappointment.
Sleep took its sweet old time coming to me.
The next morning, I was greeted by my mom poking her blonde head in. I was still in bed, trying to sleep even though the sun was poking through my blinds, so I didn’t even look at her, didn’t sit up and meet those azure eyes which I was sure were expectant.
My first solo date. She probably wanted to know how it went.
I mean, it went fine, I guess, but it wasn’t like I wanted to tell my mom that I kissed him. Or, rather, he kissed me. Three times.
No, I couldn’t tell her that. She’d get her hopes up, think I was doing better than I was.
“How was your date last night?” she asked. I bet she smiled at me, too. “Your father and I didn’t hear you come in.”
“It was okay,” I muttered, my head still on my pillow. “Now can I go back to sleep?”
My mom let out an earth-shattering sigh, but she relented, “Alright. I’m glad you had fun.” She said nothing else, leaving my room and closing the door silently.
I wasn’t really sleeping, of course. Trying to and actually getting shut-eye for me were two very different things. The former was what usually happened. I might as well get up and start this day…not that I was happy about it.
But, wait.
I rolled onto my side and reached for my phone, pulling it off the charger beneath my pillow as I brought it before my face. Just as I suspected, more text messages missed from Mason. He waivered back and forth with wishing I had a good time on my date while simultaneously hoping my date was a terrible guy and that I never wanted to see him again.
Oh, Mason. What was I going to do with you?
Nothing, of course. I was going to do nothing with Mason, because I knew better than that.
I did.
Just had to keep reminding myself what the future would hold if I listened to that traitorous beating box in my chest. My heart would have to get it together when it came to both Mason and Calum. Liking either of them, let alone both, would only bring me massive amounts of hurt.
I didn’t even know how to respond to Mason. I really didn’t feel like rehashing my date with him, especially over texts, so I simply said: Man, you don’t know when to shut up, do you? Since the message kind of sounded harsh, I added an lol. Before I thought better of it, I hit send.
Laying my phone on my stomach, I stared at the ceiling. It was amazing how different the ceiling looked when daylight shone through, versus what it looked like in the middle of the night. I’d spent so long staring at that ceiling I had every small imperfection memorized, every tiny crack due to the house settling, every small dent where the carpenters who mudded didn’t make it smooth enough.
This was my ceiling, and I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like once I wasn’t here. After all, Michelle was right. Sooner or later I’d have to move out, become my own person, live my own life. At twenty, I still had some time, but I had no idea what I would do, how I would get there and support myself. I’d have my own bills, my own job. I’d be even lonelier than I was now.
That was not something I wanted to think about.
I decided to check my phone again, to see if Mason was up and he’d already responded. He usually worked Saturday mornings, so I doubted he’d seen the message yet.
My phone screen was absent any notifications, just as I suspected. I heaved a sigh, though I did not get up. I did turn my buzzer back on, though.
I had no idea how much time passed before my door opened again. This time, it wasn’t my mom. This time it was Michelle, who looked groggy beyond all belief, black bags under her eyes—bags that were usually hidden by makeup. Her yellow hair was in a messy bun, and she wore a baggy shirt and sweats, her typical sleeping gear.
I was about to tell her to go away, but she crept into my room, silently closed the door, and sat cross-legged beside my bed, studying me as if trying to ascertain how my date last night went. When she got nothing from my expression, she asked, “Well? Don’t keep me waiting. How was it?”
I wanted to throw my pillow at her, make her go away, but I didn’t. All I did was sigh and say, “Fine.”
“Fine?” she echoed, her impeccably-plucked eyebrows lifting. “That’s it? Just fine? No other details? Come on, Bree, spill.” Michelle folded her arms across her chest, looking stern. Hell, I had no idea why she was up. It was too early for her. Why wasn’t she sleeping? Why wasn’t she at Kyle’s or something?
Wait a moment.
She was with Kyle last night. If they ended up at his house…she probably already heard all about my date and how it went. My heart beat faster with that knowledge, because the last thing I wanted to admit to my sister was the fact that Calum had kissed me.
“Why do I feel like you already know?” I muttered, hugging my pillow as I slowly sat up and leaned against the wall my bed was on. It wasn’t like the pillow could shield me, so I had no idea why I grabbed it and was trying to use it as one.
Michelle flashed me a million-dollar smile. “Because I do. Kyle and I were already at his house when Calum came back. I sent Kyle into his room to get all the details, because I knew you’d be like this when I asked you.”
Ugh, of course.
“Then why are you here, asking me?” I questioned, wishing she would get the hint and go away. At least Mom hadn’t been so insistent earlier.
“Because I want to hear it from you.”
“Hear what from me?” Maybe acting clueless would get her to go away.
Michelle blinked, giving me a look that told me it wasn’t going to work. She was here to stay, and stay she would until she heard what she wanted, heard what she already knew. “Bree,” she whispered my name, “come on. Just spit it out.”
I shrugged. “It was fine. Calum was nice. I was nice.”
“And?”
Averting my gaze from her, I muttered, “And he kissed me, okay?” There, I said it aloud. He kissed me. Hopefully Michelle would be happy hearing it from me, and she could finally go away and leave me be. That wasn’t too much to hope for, was it?
A sly, mischievous grin spread across her face, the kind of grin that made me want to bury myself under my blankets and disappear. The kind of grin that told me exactly what she was thinking. “And how was it? When I tried to get Kyle to go back into his brother’s room to ask about the kiss, he refused to.”
“It was fine.”
“Just fine? The world didn’t spin? Or stop spinning?”
I wasn’t sure whether she was asking me that seriously or not. I mean, when Calum’s lips had been on mine, I’d felt a lot of odd things, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that…
She must not have wanted a real answer to that, for she went on, “Calum said he had a good time. He likes you, Bree. Kyle told me he’s mad at himself for messing up your first date.” And then, when Michelle said what she said next, I felt like I was punched in the gut: “He wants to see you again.”