Thinking about Zac….
My chest ached a little. More than a little. An awful lot.
“There isn’t really much to tell,” I said, trying to keep my voice as nonchalant as possible, smiling and making it seem like everything was fine. Which was what I’d been trying to do since I’d gotten to Connie’s house.
After I’d snuck out of Trev’s house while Zac had been gone, I’d driven up to Killeen and knocked on my sister’s door at eleven o’clock at night. I’d even made sure not to cry so she wouldn’t get suspicious. I’d waited to let go—just a little—until I was in Guillermo’s room to really do it, and I’d covered my face with my jacket so that I wouldn’t make a sound.
Zac had started texting me about three hours into my drive, when I’d figured he’d gotten home and found me… not there.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Where you at?
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Peewee?
I texted him back at the first red light I got to with my heart in my throat. I didn’t want him to worry.
Me: On my way to Killeen. I’m sorry, Zac. I understand if you’re mad, but I really want to see my sister and check out a few places. Get out of your hair for a while too so you can focus. I promise I’m fine. I’ll text you when I get there if you want me to.
His replies came in almost instantly, but I waited until I got to another red light, right before getting to her house, to read them.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Bianca
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Please tell me when you get there
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Or come back. You said we were gonna talk
Me: I will. And we can talk whenever. [smiley face emoji]
I waited until I was parked to send him another message and then put my phone on silent so I wouldn’t do anything in front of Connie that would give her a clue that things weren’t great. Then it wasn’t until I was in my nephew’s room that I read his next response.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Glad you made it safe. Not glad you left in the first place. Come back
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Can we talk tomorrow?
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Eating that chocolate zucchini bread you left. You should put it in your next book.
That had been what made me cry in my nephew’s room.
Because how much did I wish that he would really want me back?
Finally, when I was able to, I texted him back once more, wiping at my eyes with the backs of my hand once I’d gotten it together.
Me: You’re busy tomorrow, remember? I’ll text you. Also: yes, if there is a next book, I’ll put it in there. Maybe with more walnuts.
He texted me back immediately, even though it was hours past his bedtime.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: There’s gonna be another book.
ZAC THE OLD MAN: Miss you already kiddo. Come back. We can talk and get things sorted.
I didn’t text him back after that. I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t going to go back until I had a real plan. I’d left most of my things in the bedroom at Trevor’s after all.
But that didn’t stop Zac. He sent more messages the next day. And the one after that. And had every day since.
Messages that said what he was doing (practicing, eating), things Trevor said or did, but mostly though, he asked me to drive back and said he missed me.
I texted him back every single time, even though my heart hurt.
Every message nearly made me cry, but I smiled instead because Connie didn’t need to be all up in my business more than usual.
And I’d thought I’d done a pretty decent job at keeping things to myself, but apparently that wasn’t the case.
Especially not when Boogie, who was sitting at Connie’s table, piped up too. “I thought I was imagining it.”
“You’re both imagining shit,” I said, focusing on the cookies that were making my mouth water.
My brother-in-law, who was sitting at the table too, popped open a can of orange soda before he said, “Me three, Bianca. ’Cause I swear I heard you crying in bed a couple nights ago, but sometimes your sister cries for no reason when she’s on her period, so I wasn’t sure if that’s what was happening to you or not.”
I turned on my heel slowly to stare at the man taking a sip out of his soda without a care in the world.
I wasn’t the only one staring at him either because my sister was doing the same but with her mouth open a little while she did it.
“What?” her husband asked, like he was confused by the silence. “Tell me I’m lying. You don’t even try to hide it.”
“What happened?” Boogie asked, snapping out of it. “You got problems with WatchTube again?”
I wanted to lie, I really did. I wanted to blame it on my channel being stolen, because that would have been a real good excuse. But I wouldn’t.
“Nope. Everything is good with them now.”
“Is Kenny trying to talk to you again?”
Kenny. Ugh. My ex could eat shit. “Nope. I haven’t heard from him since he took all my money.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my brother-in-law shift a little, bringing his can back to his mouth for a little sip. “Is it Zac? Did he cheat on you? Because if he did, I’ll tell everybody he’s on steroids. Try me.”
Silence.
Total and complete silence filled the kitchen and breakfast nook area.
Our faces were all different though.
I’m pretty sure mine was in horror.
Connie looked like she didn’t know who the hell was sitting beside her.
Boogie looked like someone had just told him his mom was an alien.
And my brother-in-law, all average height and skinny and adorable, was looking at us like he had no idea why we were all staring at him.
“What? You want me to kill him or something? Because one time I went hunting with my dad, and no lie, I fainted when he—”
Dear God.
“B, is there something I should know about you and… and…?” Boogie stuttered, looking somewhere between his mind being blown and the start of being mad.
“Honey,” my sister started to say, her voice almost… a whisper? And why did she look horny? And why did I know what her horny face looked like? “What would make you think there’s something going on with B and Zac?”
“There’s something going on with you and Zac?” Boogie echoed.
What the hell was happening?
My brother-in-law shrugged casually, still sipping his soda without a care in the world… like he hadn’t just dropped a hydrogen bomb on our asses.
On all of us. Seriously.
On Boogie in the form of there possibly being something in the world between his best friend and me.
On Connie who was looking at this man she’d been with for nearly two decades like she didn’t know him… but the little freak liked what she saw.
And on me, for not being as secretive as I’d thought.
Or maybe, actually, he was just a hell of a lot more perceptive than any of us had ever given him credit for.
Then he kept going, lifting an index finger. “Well, Peewee didn’t want to talk about him for years. Now they’re friends again and seems to me like they spend all their time together, and then she moved in with him. Hello, and ya know, I always figured he was a player, but he’s not going to hang out with a girl he doesn’t like.”