I stiffened, waiting for them to go.
Mason didn’t so much as budge. “Help with the dishes first.”
I appreciated him saying that. When Adam was on leave, he’d run out the door with Parker and leave me to clean up whatever mess they’d left behind. I didn’t mind so much because I knew our time together was precious. And, looking back, I’m glad they had those moments. But, when Adam left, I had to tell Parker the rules were different, and I could see the resentment in his eyes.
We finished dishes, and I felt entirely lost as to what to do next. I didn’t feel like I could leave Parker here. Not that I didn’t trust Mason, I just wasn’t the type to pawn my kid off on the nearest adult.
Mason saved me. He pointed to the lounge chair he’d been in that morning. “That’s a great place to get homework done.”
I nodded slowly. “Thank you.” It didn’t take me long to grab my pack off the steps and set up a nest of sorts. I had three classes today and each one had assignments and reading. I’d planned to stay up after Parker was in bed and get what I could done, but this was so much better.
The evening sun was warm, and there was a bird singing in the neighbor’s tree. Mason started Parker with a few drills. He was really great with him, encouraging.
I snapped my eyes to the screen and put in my earbuds. Time to start memorizing organs.
An hour later, Parker flew past me to the house.
“Hey! Where are you going?”
His reply was lost as the door clicked shut behind him.
I turned to Mason, my palms up, silently asking for an explanation.
“I told him I had some action figures in the front room. They’re the closest thing to dolls I allow in the house for Katie.”
I chuckled, leaning back. “And I thought she had you all wrapped up.”
He nodded. “She does. Barbie comes over for dates.” He cupped his mouth and whispered. “She and GI Joe have been on again off again for about three months now. I don’t think it’s going to work out.”
I laughed outright. Throwing my arms above my head, I stretched. My gaze drifted down to find his focus was on my body. It slowly glided up to my face, where his gaze landed on my own. I furrowed my brow, and for a moment, we just took one another in—open, free, without the past getting in the way. Butterflies surfaced in my stomach, and suddenly, I felt exposed.
“So…” I said quietly as I dropped my arms down and hugged my chest. He hadn’t just checked me out, had he?
Mason’s face turned pink and he glanced quickly away. “Want some coffee?”
I nodded slowly, still not sure what had happened but not quite ready to go home just yet. I was on the edge of confusion, and call me crazy, but I was pretty sure that walking away wasn’t going to fix that.
I needed to make sure that I hadn’t seen what I thought I saw.
I needed to make sure that we were in agreement. Mason and I could never be more what than what we were. No matter how comfortable I was getting around him.
We were never going to work.
Period.
Chapter 10
Mason
I took in a deep breath as the storm door slammed behind me, essentially putting a buffer between Sadie and me. And trust me, right now, I needed a tanker between us. Scratch that, not a tanker, the freaking Great Wall of China.
My heart. My soul. Every part of me ached for Sadie. It wasn’t like loving her was new. I’d been doing it since I was a teenager. Not that I’d ever let her or Adam know that. Somehow, it was easier to ignore my heart when I thought of her as Adam’s. But lately, I saw her differently—separate from him—her own woman. A lady. I couldn’t seem to stop wanting to be around her.
To love her like she deserved.
I grabbed the faucet, turned it on cold, and splashed water on my face. The jolt to my system did nothing to change the thoughts that filtered through my head.
I loved Sadie.
I groaned as I swiped a towel off the door beneath the sink and dried my face.
I’d pushed my love for her deep into my chest for so long—first out of respect for Adam, then out of guilt, and finally for self-preservation—that I’d tricked myself into thinking it was gone.
What a fool I’d been.
There was no way to dispel a love like this. It wasn’t going to flitter away. If standing as the best man at her wedding to my best friend didn’t kill it, then mere time didn’t stand a chance.
But from the fear that flashed in her gaze when she caught me staring at her, I knew that she didn’t feel the same. And this one-sided love would slowly kill me.
I’d come to a good place—until I invited Sadie and Parker into my life. And now, the last thing I could imagine was her leaving. How could I go back to my normal life without her around? Without the squirt who was sprawled out on my living room floor, making smashing noises with my old batman?
With her doing homework nearby—the gentle sound of her keyboard clacking away—as I played with Parker, I’d felt whole. I’d always wanted a family. How could I not when I grew up a McKnight? My parents had made our family their everything. I knew I was lucky to have that kind of upbringing, and I’d always looked forward to sharing those moments with a woman who took my breath away.
The last hour spent in the backyard with them…well, my life had never felt so complete. Until I realized that this wasn’t my life. Sadie wasn’t my wife, and Parker wasn’t my son.
Frustration coursed through me as I slammed the cupboard that held my coffee. I gripped the handle of the coffee pot as I filled it with water and then started the machine. I blew out my breath and scrubbed my face. My adrenaline pumped through my veins as distraction drove my thoughts.
Feeling the need to do something, I dropped down to the ground and began to knock out some pushups. Even though I’d gotten in my workout for the day, I felt ready to run around the world. Any little way to exert some energy, I was going to take it.
A few minutes later—just as I crossed the three hundred threshold for push-ups—the air filled with the aroma of my Brazilian coffee and the machine dinged. I jumped up and grabbed two mugs from the cupboard above.
Blood was now pumping through my muscles as my body shook. But I felt more grounded. More awake. The haze that came over me every time I was around Sadie had dissipated, and I could tackle the rest of the evening.
Even though Sadie had me all out of sorts, there was one thing I was sure of.
I didn’t want her going anywhere.
“Everything good in here?” I asked as I neared the living room.
Parker had set my action figures up into rows and looked as if he were about to initiate an epic battle. He glanced up at me and nodded and then instantly returned to dive-bombing a line. I chuckled as I held the two mugs tightly in my hand and pushed on the storm door.
I sucked in my breath as I headed over to where Sadie sat. She was reclined back on the chair with her arms crossed over her stomach. Her head was tipped back, and her eyes were closed.
She looked so peaceful that I almost didn’t want to disrupt her. I knew as soon as I did, I would be met with her confused and frustrated gaze. That seemed to be a constant with her.
I counted down from five and then put on a smile and headed over. I sat down on a chair next to her and cleared my throat. She peeked with one eye and then smiled as she moved to sit up.