I loved her too much to do that.
Chapter 11
Sadie
“I should just cancel.” I threw my arms up and then dropped to the bed, staring up at the cool-gray ceiling.
“There has to be something in here that doesn’t scream mommy.” Two shirts landed next to me on the bed. I had the most amazing best friend. One sobbing call and Lilly was over in five minutes to rescue me from my wardrobe.
There was this drive pumping through me to look absolutely fantastic tonight—if I went. And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew that it had very little to do with Camden and a whole lot to do with Mason.
“I’m telling you I’m not going.” I pushed up onto my elbows. “I should have said no in the first place, but dumb Mason practically dared me into this dumb date.” I dropped back down and groaned.
“You’ll have fun. You and Camden always got along.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, until he kissed Miss Pom-poms behind the bleachers.” I’d thrown that out there in an effort to win her to my side of the argument, but the thing was, I didn’t even care about that anymore. That was high school—a place full of dumb decisions and stupid mistakes. I’d grown up since then, and I was sure Camden had too. I wasn’t going to hold his teenager self against him.
Besides, if we hadn’t broken up, I wouldn’t have said yes to Adam’s offhanded invitation to the Sweethearts Dance, we wouldn’t have gotten married, and I wouldn’t have the world’s best kid. So things had worked out—sort of.
But it wasn’t Camden that made me want to run for the hills, it was doubling with Mason.
Lilly stuck her head out of the closet and gave me a look. “You’re bigger than that.”
“I know.” I sighed as I threw my arm over my face. “This just isn’t me. I don’t date.”
She flopped beside me. “It should be. You’re young and attractive.”
“I have a kid.” I splayed my hands over my belly where stretch marks abounded. Not that she could see them.
“And you’re all the more beautiful for it. Seriously—live a little. Just because Adam died doesn’t mean…”
She stopped, and I put my arm down to look at her. “What?”
“Well, you’re still a woman. You deserve someone who holds you tight and makes you feel giddy.”
“I have never felt giddy—not once in my life.”
“Then you definitely need to get out more.” She smacked my leg as she bounded off the bed. “Besides, I found the perfect outfit for you.” She held up a pair of cut-off shorts and a loose flowing tee shirt with a wide neck.
I almost choked on my spit. She had to be joking. I shook my head. “No way. Every time I wear that thing I fight to keep it from falling off my shoulder.”
“So tonight you don’t fight it.”
I blinked in surprise. That felt so…flirtatious. I stared at the fabric that would hang like a dream on my body. That’s why I bought the shirt in the first place. But, I’d tried to wear it to a parent-teacher conference and was self-conscious the whole time. Maybe it wasn’t right for that situation, but a date night? That could work…couldn’t it?
“Put it on. I’ll look for jewelry.”
I contemplated fighting her on this, but I knew what I was getting into when I asked Lilly to save me. Plus, what other option did I have? I shimmied into the shorts. They hit mid-thigh, which was the perfect spot for my legs. The strings tickled, and I fought the urge to tug them down. I pulled the shirt on and stared at myself in the mirror.
“Not like that.” Lilly came over and tucked the middle of the shirt in, leaving the sides to hang loose. It did wonders for my figure. She added a handful of bracelets to my left arm and a huge pendant necklace that dangled between my chest and my belly button. “We just need to…” She pulled out the pins holding my messy bun in place and shook out my hair, creating sexy beach waves.
I stared, shocked at my reflection. The woman in the mirror looked hot. I didn’t even know I could pull that off anymore. “Okay, I’m totally cancelling. I can’t go out in public like this.” I waved a hand down my body. “I look like I’m—I’m…”
“Single?” she guessed with a sympathetic look.
My face crumpled. “It feels like I’m trying too hard.” What would Mason think? After our big talk about him making me feel guilty for even wanting to date, he’d made himself scarce. I’d only seen him in passing. Part of me wished we’d had a chance to talk things over, and the rest was glad that I didn’t have to deal with the emotions he stirred inside of me.
Emotions that were making me crazy tonight.
“That’s just it, you don’t have to try at all. Be yourself. This is you. You’re a mom and a beautiful woman. When a guy sees and appreciates all that, then you know you’ve got a good one.”
I chewed my lip. Mason had looked at me like I was beautiful. He’d also given me that soft-eyed look over Parker’s head—the one parents usually share. Did he see both sides of me? My heart began to pound. Great. I was a mess. I’d changed from not caring about Mason to caring a bit too much. This night was going to fail. Epically.
“Okay.” Lilly brushed off her hands like some fairy godmother who had done her good deed for the evening. “Parker! Let’s hit the movies.”
Parker hopped up from where he’d been lying on his stomach watching superheroes beat the bad guys.
“You ready for your favorite fairy god-aunt to spoil you rotten?”
“Yes!” He offered her a fist bump. They exploded their hands with big noises and a lot of grunting.
I rolled my eyes at their antics. Parker snatched his backpack full of supplies. I wasn’t even sure what he’d put in there. I was pretty sure a grand Nerf war was on the docket tonight. Better Lilly than me.
They left and I hugged myself, unused to being in this space without my little man. I glanced at the clock and ducked out the door. I’d told Camden I’d meet him at the bowling alley. I didn’t want to have my first pick-up/drop-off scene to be at Mason’s house. That just felt weird.
I clomped down the stairs in my strappy sandals and checked to make sure I had a pair of socks to wear with the bowling shoes. It wasn’t a huge bowling fan, but it seemed like a safe date night with lots of people around. And, as a bonus, I’d have to get up and move around a lot, so my nerves would have an outlet.
The garage door went up at the same moment I hit the bottom step. I paused to watch Mason push a motorcycle out of the garage, my tongue about hanging out.
Yes, I had a thing for muscles—they distracted me way too much. But throw a motorcycle in the mix, and I became a drooling pile of hormones. My eyes ran over the chrome and black leather, then they went to the pair of cowboy boots and dark wash jeans, and meandered their way up Mason’s rock-solid form to find a smirk on his chiseled face.
My entire body lit on fire.
I ducked my head, sure that my cheeks were redder than the sunset. I could feel his eyes all over me, and my awareness of him heightened, making me gasp for breath.