“Thanks,” she said, taking the mug of coffee from me. “I’m definitely going to need a few shots of espresso if I’m going to keep up with school, Parker, and my job.” She sipped on her coffee, and I watched her, mesmerized by the way her lips moved and how the soft rays of the setting sun caused her skin to glow.
I dropped my eye to the murky black liquid in my lap. I nodded and sucked in my breath as my offer hung on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say she could lean on me. I wanted to tell her that I’d be here for her—I just wasn't sure how. And I wasn’t sure I could handle her rejection. Not yet.
But I was here to help her, and that was what I was going to do.
“I can help,” I said slowly.
Sadie paused as she pinched her lips together and studied her mug. Then she sighed and looked over at me. “It’s okay. Just giving me a place to live is help enough.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I couldn’t ask you to do more. You’re just my landlord, after all.” She leaned in and smiled, but I could see the strain behind her gaze.
I took a sip of my coffee and leaned back into my chair. This conversation was going about as well as I’d thought it would. I’d offered, and she’d rejected. That had become our dance, and if I were honest with myself, I was getting tired of it.
“Well, maybe Camden can help then,” I said. I winced as I heard the snap in my voice. I hadn’t meant to come back so accusatory. Anger that Camden was allowed in but I wasn’t bubbled just below the surface. It wasn’t mature, but it was there regardless of how much I wished it weren’t.
I waited for her to respond, but she didn’t. I glanced over to see her staring out into the distance. Not sure what she was thinking, I took another sip of my coffee and decided to try again.
“I mean, because you two seem so cozy,” I said and made sure to end that sentence with a smile.
Sadie dropped her gaze to her hands and nodded. “He’s nice. He’s been very helpful with my classes.” She ended her sentence with a sip of her coffee.
Camden? Camden had been helpful? With what? One day’s worth of work? I couldn’t help but feel like she was discounting me in some way.
And then regret grabbed hold of my stomach and squeezed. I wasn’t doing these things to win her over—even though I may want to—I was helping her because I owed it to Adam. How had I forgotten that?
I was a jerk to throw Camden in her face. So I pushed aside my feelings of anger and nodded.
“That’s great. I’m happy he’s there to help you.”
She paused and then glanced over at me with her brow furrowed. “Why do you do that?”
I stared at her. “Do what?”
She pinched her lips together and set her mug down on the ground. “Talk down to me.”
I blinked a few times. Was she serious? “I don’t talk down to you.”
She snorted. “Why can’t you just be happy for me?”
Now I felt completely confused. Since when was I not happy for her? “I’m happy for you,” I said, my voice dipping down with the reverence I felt for her.
“No, you’re not. It’s like, every time I’m around you, I feel like you’re blaming me for not being Adam.” She stood and started gathering her books. “I lost a best friend too.”
I was up on my feet before I could stop myself. She thought I blamed her for Adam? Was she serious? “I don’t want you to be Adam,” I said as I fought the urge to reach out and pull her toward me.
If anything, I blamed myself for what happened to Adam and wished he was the one standing here. I was the reason he was gone.
She glanced over. Her lips quivered as she stared at me. “That’s not true. I can see it in your eyes every time I look at you. I feel the guilt of trying to move on when Adam can’t.” She dropped her gaze and hugged her books closer to her chest.
I could feel her pain. It emanated off of her, and it was taking every ounce of control I had to keep myself from taking her in my arms. “Sadie, it’s not that I don’t want you to move on,” I said quietly as I stepped closer to her. “I’m just trying to figure out if Camden is the right guy for you to move forward with.” I held out my hand, my fingertips inches from her arm. I wanted to move the rest of the way. I wanted to touch her. But I wasn’t sure how she was going to react. I wanted to be the man she turned to. I wanted to be her hero, her knight, her best friend, the first one she kissed each morning and the last one she loved each night.
Her gaze dropped down to my hand and then slowly back up. She studied me for a moment before she blew out her breath and stepped back.
“That’s not your decision to make. I don’t need you looking out for me. I’ve got this handled. Parker and I will be just fine.”
I stared at her, really looking at her. I knew she was trying to be strong, and I wanted to give her that space. I just wasn’t sure I could walk away. And I most certainly couldn’t just let her walk into the arms of Camden Owens.
“I just want you to be safe. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
Sadie pinched her lips together, and I could see tears forming on her lashes. My heart squeezed at the thought that I had upset her. That wasn’t my intention. It had never been my intention.
“Well, I’m not yours to protect. I appreciate your concern, but I have to live my life. I can’t live it in fear.” She sighed and turned to face me. “I think I should go. I’ve got work to do and school to get ready for tomorrow.” She tapped her fingers on the stack of books she had tucked into the crook of her arm. “Send Parker over when he’s done?”
I glanced toward the house and then back over to her. I nodded, but she didn’t respond. Instead, she shouldered her backpack and made her way over to the stairs.
Once she was gone, I groaned and collapsed onto the chair. I tipped my head back and threw my arm over my eyes.
What was I thinking? Why did I think it was a good idea to insert myself into her life like that? Did I think that if I told her not to date Camden, she’d happily agree?
I growled and scrubbed my face with my hands. I’d done it again. I’d stuck my big, giant foot in my mouth. Things had been going well between us, and I had to go and mess it up. I’d finally gotten her to open up and start trusting me a little, even laughing, and I’d ruined it all.
I pulled myself out of the chair and gathered up her mug and mine. Then I headed back into the house, where I heard Parker cheering in the living room. Once the mugs were rinsed and loaded into the dishwasher, I wandered in and sat down next to him.
We played another thirty minutes together until Sadie texted that he needed to come home. He gave me an “aw, man” but thankfully complied. We cleaned up the living room, and he gave me a quick hug before he sprinted across the driveway and disappeared inside.
I stood on the driveway, staring up at the sky for a few minutes before I sighed and headed in.
I needed some time to think. I needed some time to process. I knew where my heart was. It was firmly planted in the tiny apartment above the garage.
But I’d learned enough to know that just because my heart wanted something, that didn’t mean it was good for me. I’d already messed up Sadie’s future, I didn’t want to make that mistake again.