"Lift your arm above your head," Danilo said. I was still on my knees and raised my arm.
He stood next to me and placed his palm to mine. His fingers wrapped around mine and held on while he very gently pressed down to see if I could handle impact. Danilo held my wrist as he did so.
"Lock your elbow if you can," he said, pushing a little harder.
My stomach twisted in agony. God, I wanted to cry from the excruciating pounding that took my breath away.
How the fuck was I going to do vault? Or swing on bars? Tumble?
"Block it out," he ordered. "Pretend it does not exist."
I nodded furiously, teeth pressing into my lip so hard I tasted blood. Clenching my eyes shut, I held my breath as he angled my arm back to stretch it out. My back arched and he noticed. Danilo used his knee to prevent me from leaning back. The jerk.
"You are going to need physical therapy tonight, warm compresses, and an inflammatory to get you through this. I suggest something like this every morning before practice to warm up the arm and loosen the muscles around the elbow, and then again at the end of the day."
"Great, you can do it for her," Madeline said. "Adrianna, I'll see you at beam while I speak to Danilo."
I stood up, giving my thanks to Coach Danilo, then turned around and made my way to the balance beam. I watched the floor as I walked, listening to the springboard at the front of the vault ricochet and the spring in the uneven bars rebound. A prickly sensation spread across my neck. I reached up to rub it away and glanced around the gym.
I felt like there were eyes all over my body. My brows furrowed. Was Kova here and I just couldn't see him? Maybe Dad really did have someone watching me.
The paranoia festering inside me was starting to eat away at me. I expelled a strained breath and wondered if anyone knew anything.
They couldn't… Right?
I'd been absent from the gym for five days. So had Kova. For someone who was going to the Olympic Trials, that kind of absence was unheard of. The same would be said for Kova, and he still wasn't here. It looked suspicious. People were curious, and for the most part, they weren't stupid. I felt like they were putting two and two together.
Stepping in front of the balance beam, my fingers trembled a little as I placed them on the leather. I grazed my palms on the material as I found my center again. My gaze dropped to my hands. There was an indentation on the edge from when someone slipped and hit their mouth.
An indentation like Kova had left on me.
I mounted the beam. The moment my feet touched the four-inch piece of wood, my mind cleared and I set my focus in place.
I knew what I needed to do and let the rest fade away.
I exhaled everything I was holding on to and visualized my routine. The leather beneath my feet called to me, encouraging me. My heart pounded in my chest and my nerves were back to taunting me. But then I thought about how Kova had once said nerves were good and kept the adrenaline going. Lose the nerves, and you lose the love. His words made sense to me.
Despite the flickering agony in every nerve ending in my body, there was not a chance in hell I was going to let anything, or anyone, take this from me.
I could relax when I was dead.
Warming up with connecting back handspring step outs, I blocked out the pain like Madeline and Danilo said.
That didn't mean I couldn’t feel anything.
I was silently screaming on the inside.
Eleven
"Come on, Adrianna." Madeline grumbled. "That was weak going over. You need to excel after you hit the handstand, then you can push it over."
Weak.
That word left a sour taste in my mouth.
I wiped the sweat from my temples as I walked to the end of the track thinking about Madeline's suggestions. I rotated my arms in wide circles to loosen them. I desperately wanted to rub the ache in my elbow, but I didn't want to show it was bothering me. Instead, I chewed the hell out of the inside of my mouth to hide my discomfort.
Madeline had felt it wasn’t a good idea to risk practice tumbling on floor with my arm just yet. So, after we broke down my floor routine and conditioned the dance skills for three hours, we moved to the tumble track.
"Your butt is too low and you're going to knock your teeth out if you land like that on the actual floor. Do it again. Stick the landing," she yelled and clapped her hands.
Using the tumble trampoline had been a good idea after practicing all day. Even though I could feel the strain deep in my elbow, I kept going. My fingers started to go numb but I shook it off. I told myself if I could work through an Achilles strain and a kidney infection, then there was no reason why I couldn’t work through this too.
"Faster. You need to rotate faster to build power. Do it again. Get that flip moving faster."
I set my eyes on the end of the trampoline and pictured myself doing exactly what she instructed. Inhaling a deep breath, I placed one foot in front of the other and tapped the black netting. I exhaled and looked to my right. I could feel someone watching me.
Black eyes met mine.
Danilo was blatantly staring at me as he worked with Reagan and Holly on bars. My brows twitched. He wasn't observing me with interest, but more in bewilderment.
"While I'm young." Madeline bit out.
My eyes snapped back to hers. I nodded and shifted my feet.
When I glanced over at Danilo one last time, he had his back to me.
Shaking it off, I hurdled into a roundoff, my shoulder tight as I flipped backward two times before rebounding off the trampoline with a grunt. I reached as high as I could to set a twisting double full out. This was a dangerous tumbling pass on the floor because I was twisting toward the ground and could lead to injury faster.
Blocking out the shooting pain in my arm, I rotated as hard and as fast as I could by bringing my fists to my chest. I told myself to keep going, to push and fight for that perfect landing. I could feel the pull of gravity and squeezed every muscle in my body, twisting until I spotted the giant blue mesh matt to open up for my dismount.
Feet together, my toes touched down first on the floor and I raised my arms above my head to set the landing. After an inconsistent day of practice, I stuck it.
"Fabulous," Madeline said, clapping her hands as she praised me. "Let's move on."
Panting, I flopped down on my butt to scoot off the mat. My chest was a little tight but nothing I wasn't used to, I just needed to take smaller breaths.
"Madeline?" I called out.
She walked over to me. "Yes?"
"I was thinking about something you said earlier. Are you going to be training me until we leave?"
Her head tilted to the side. "I am."
"Oh, ah, okay," I stammered from nerves. "I was just wondering where Kova is. I didn't know he'd be gone."
Madeline studied me. My stomach clenched with anxiety, but I didn't show it. I kept a straight face and didn't look away as if I’d asked a completely innocent question. Her eyes shifted back and forth between mine as if to say, "You already know."
Her lips puckered with false pity. "Don't worry about a thing. I spoke with Kova and I've got it covered. He gave me your schedule until we leave. Go ahead and head to bars now," she said, her lips rolled up firmly. She stepped around me and walked away.