I switched the light off and then pulled the comforter up to my chin and nestled under the covers. I closed my eyes hoping sleep would consume me soon. That way I wouldn't have to think about anything more, or feel the cold tears coat my cheeks.
I woke from the fiery heat of cramps in my belly at 3:00 a.m. This happened the last two nights since I got home.
I'd followed the doctor’s orders. I thought doing absolutely nothing for at least forty-eight hours would help me heal faster, but each night it seemed to get worse and worse. Avery had mentioned it was probably because my body had been through a traumatic experience, and while I was physically fine, for the most part anyway, the emotional duress I was under would tighten my body and make everything stiff.
I let out a whimper and turned over onto my side, curling up into a ball. I wrapped my good arm around myself like I had done the last couple nights and clenched my eyes shut while I held myself. There was an ache in my bad arm that never seemed to quell, but it was nothing compared to the cluster of knots in my stomach tightening by the millisecond. The little balls of hell exploded like fireworks gone wrong. They were intense and I couldn't help but focus on them. I held my breath until my lungs throbbed for air.
God, I wished this would all go away already.
After a few minutes of lying still, the cramps weren't as intense. I sat up and reached for my cell phone to pass the time, knowing it'd be a good hour or so until I fell back asleep. I had a bunch of missed texts from Avery.
BFF: You are amazing. Remember that!
BFF: Be confident in your abilities and remember that's what got you where you are now.
BFF: Keep your head up, gorgeous. WE got this <3
BFF: Okay, you need to wake up already.
BFF: I'm gonna send out an Amber Alert if you don't text me back.
BFF: …It’s been 84 years.
BFF: Fuck the Amber Alert. I'm just gonna find a new bestie.
I sent Avery a slew of texts. She was dead to the world when she slept, but she'd see them when she woke.
I fell into a routine as the last couple of days at home dragged on. I'd rise to messages from Avery that would either make me cry or laugh, sometimes both at the same time. She would send me texts throughout the day to check on me. I knew what she was doing, and it made me feel so guilty for finding any hint of reprieve because I hadn’t done that for her. I got the feeling she was trying to engage with me more than usual because she felt like I was going to break soon. She wanted to be there for me, and the thought alone made me tear up.
I attempted to stretch my arm, my wrist, and elbow, but the ligaments were so tight that I grunted under my breath. I wondered how it would feel if I did a handstand, and if I could handle it. I got on my knees and flattened my palms to the floor. Straightening my elbows, I leaned forward and applied a little weight, and winced as pain shot up my arm.
Screw it.
I retrieved a bottle of Motrin and Tylenol from the bathroom cabinet. I’d alternate between them both. I had given myself two days to get back to my original form. It was time to numb the pain. It was the only way I was going to get through practice today.
I knew to stay away from these types of medications because of my kidney issues. It wasn't that I had a death wish, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and all that jazz.
Other than Avery, Dad checked in regularly. He called in the mornings and at night. We FaceTimed a few times just so he could see me. I felt like I was twelve years old again, but I wasn't going to argue.
The last conversation I'd had with him lasted no more than a handful of minutes, but it had carried enough tension that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I’d asked him if he’d spoken to my coaches, if anyone knew anything. I hadn’t dared mentioned Kova specifically, I didn’t want to push it. He’d said he’d spoken to Madeline and told her I had a set back with my Achilles and needed to rest it. He’d informed her I’d dislocated my elbow as well. Before we’d hung up, he warned me again about not engaging with Kova. He had even went as far as threatening to press other fraudulent charges to keep him behind bars.
I was an adult. Dad legally had no say in what I did. I didn’t understand why he was doing this.
Ten
My duffle bag sounded like I had a Costco-size container of Tic Tacs in it with the Tylenol, Motrin, and all my other medications.
I wasn't supposed to use tampons yet, but I couldn't wear a pad during practice. Not with how much I was bleeding. I had tested it out before I left home with a pair of workout shorts and decided it was a no-go. On my way to World Cup, I’d stopped at the pharmacy and bought the biggest tampons I could find. I figured they'd hold more. I just hoped using them wouldn’t make the pain in my pelvic area worse or extend the recovery time.
With my bag stowed in my locker, I turned around to leave when Holly appeared in front of me. I jumped, startled. She stood there watching me with inquisitive eyes.
"Adrianna!" she shouted, and threw her arms around my shoulders.
I hugged her back with one arm and forced a smile. She squeezed me hard enough to produce a wince, but I hid it.
"Hey, Holly."
She pulled back and eyed me up and down. "Where have you been? Hayden and I were so worried about you. Hayden said he tried to call you but you didn't answer. Madeline told us you were absent but didn't say why."
"My Achilles was flaring up and I managed to dislocate my elbow." I nodded toward my side where my bad arm hung like a scarecrow. She cupped her mouth and gasped in shock. "It's fine now. It was popped back into place, but it's sore as hell and hurts to do anything, really."
Her worried eyes studied me. "How'd you do that?"
"I went to lunch with my dad, and we were walking back to the car when another car came flying around the corner and almost hit me. Dad yanked me out of the way and dislocated my elbow when he pulled." The story Dad had come up with a couple days ago rolled off my lips.
She gasped again, horrified. I had been just as surprised when Dad came up with that on the fly too.
"But what about the meet? What about…about everything?"
My lips flattened at the rising panic in her voice. "I wish I had an answer. All I can do is push through. What choice do I have?"
Her mouth twisted. "Yeah, you don't really have a choice, do you?" Her gaze traveled to my upper arm and her frown deepened. "What's that bruise from?"
I followed her stare and spotted the black-and-blue I hadn’t realized I had. I blinked rapidly and squinted my eyes. I needed to quickly come up with a lie.
I took Dad’s story a little further. "When my dad yanked me away, I stumbled over my feet and he pulled harder. My arm twisted and I fell into the back of a nearby car pretty hard." She studied me a bit longer before looking into my eyes again. "We were in a parking garage when it happened." I had no idea why I added that.
"Luckily your arm will only be sore for another day or so, then you'll be good to go. That's how it was for me."
My brows rose to my hairline. Holly confirmed we'd had the same injury. "I was working a new bars routine and added a new skill when I did it, only, I panicked because it was my first time trying it." She gave me a knowing look. "I freaked."