Expelling a tight breath, I nodded. "I got it." I paused. "I can do it." I paused again. "I got this." Balancing for ninety seconds on a four-inch piece of wood. I could totally do it.
Once we took turns warming up and it was time to begin, we came to stand in a close circle. We placed our right hand out in the middle of us, and yelled "Phenomenal Four" just as the bell sounded letting us know it was time to start the first event of the Olympics.
I watched as my teammate stepped onto the podium and walked up to the balance beam with her shoulders squared back. There was something exhilarating about watching this tiny little fairy-like girl mount the beam and dominate it like a queen. She was inspiring, and she was also the front runner with the highest difficulty of the meet. The only other gymnast who was capable of executing a routine similar to hers was a girl from the Ukraine. The Ukrainians were trying to make a comeback after not winning any medals since the nineties.
I couldn't sit still, none of us could. We paced the floor and cheered on our teammate in between doing various stretches to keep our muscles warmed up. When she stuck her dismount and the crowd cheered, my heart dropped a little. Now it was my turn.
I powdered my feet again and applied more chalk to my palms and the tops of my thighs. Kova stood behind me, massaging my shoulders and arms to keep me warm. My heart was fluttering and my fingers shook. I drew in a large breath and inhaled the chalky air, coughing when I exhaled. That made my lungs burn. I swallowed, wincing because of my sore throat.
I could do this.
"Stay focused," he said, turning me to stand in front of him. "Positive thoughts. It is just like any other meet."
"Only it's not." I half joked, eyeing him.
Kova smiled halfway, but I'd caught it. "Your biggest competitor is yourself. This is you living your dream, and me living it with you."
It was only us in the arena despite the thousands of beating hearts surrounding us. Let me live with you, was something I'd never forget he said. It was woven into my soul for eternity. The happiness I felt was a seed soaking up his words and blossoming inside of my chest.
A smile slowly, contentedly, fell over my curved my lips. I knew what he was doing. I made a mental note to remind myself of what he said so I could write it in my journal. I wanted to remember it forever and explain in detail how I felt, that way when I looked back on this day many years from now, I’d get that same feeling again when I reread the words.
"You better go," he said. There was a spark in his eyes. He seemed content, and that pleased me.
Turning around, I walked over to the stairs and took a deep breath. Then I proceeded up the three steps and made my way toward the sixteen-foot piece of wood that was either going to make me or break me. Right in front of it sat four official judges wearing matching navy-blue suits and unsympathetic stares ready to critique every little thing I messed up on.
I stopped in front of the apparatus and breathed in positivity. Before I saluted the judges, I looked over my shoulder and made eye contact with Kova. He gave me a deep nod, and mouthed, "You can do it."
That was all I needed. Turning back to face the judges, I drowned out all the noise around me and let the countdown begin.
I raised one arm to salute them with a thin smile on my face. Fingers twinkling over the beige material, I mounted the beam into a straddle press handstand and swiveled my hips until my split legs were parallel to the balance beam. Clenching my stomach, my inner thighs helped center my hips as I balanced over the beam with every muscle squeezed in my body. I arched further to stand and finally took a breath. It was so easy to forget to breathe during competition. However, if I breathed even the slightest breath at the wrong time, I could easily slip up.
I sashayed across the apparatus from one end to the next, staying focused on only what I was attempting and what came next. Muscle memory kicked in and I completed turns on my toes with finesse. I completed a double back handspring full-twist like a silk ribbon floating through the air. Then the courage came and I felt confidence bloom through me.
I lowered my arms; I was almost finished. After another exhale, I gracefully stepped into a succession of jumps with turns, adding a back tuck straight into a bonus jump. My arms came down and I prepared for a standing back flip twist. I looked at my clear painted toes between the four inches of wood and tried to center my hips. If I went backwards, I could swing my arms behind me to gain the momentum I needed to flip back and twist at the same time. If I went forward, I didn't have the arm swing, and I could only hurdle so far into a front flip twist. Going in a different direction was what made it so difficult and upped the score.
My routine had me flipping forward.
Inhaling, I stepped into the barani and pushed off the balance beam into the front flip full twist. I came down and felt the leather scrape against the arch of my foot.
Eyes wide, my heart dropped.
No.
My heart sank.
I clenched my muscles and curled my toes around the four-inch piece of wood, my entire body fighting to hold on. I stiffened, pushing against the pull of gravity. If I fell off completely, I would lose one full point. If I could save it, even if a little messy, it would be a lesser deduction.
Digging deep, I pulled it together and raised my arms in the air to attempt to save it. Thank God, I thought to myself. I blinked and realigned my focus once again. I thought I saw stars for a second there.
I made my way across the beam in a series of required dance skills, then straight into a standing back pike that I landed with ease. Stepping toward the edge, I glared at the apparatus, determined to make it mine. I wasn't going to lose, not after I'd come this far.
I licked my bottom lip, then stepped into a roundoff back handspring, then into a double twisting double back. Fists pulled tight to my chest as I rotated backwards, double twisting at the same time, I spotted for the ground.
My feet landed together, my stance steady as I raised my arms and stuck my dismount. A massive smile filled my face. I held my landing for a moment longer and then turned and raised my arms to the judges to salute.
It was the longest ninety seconds of my life.
I turned around and found Kova's thrilled face immediately. I skipped over to him quickly and threw my arms around his shoulders as he caught me from the steps. He pulled me into a swift embrace then released me.
"Excellent dismount and routine."
My eyes narrowed. "Aside from the slip, you mean."
Kova smirked but he didn't get a chance to respond as my teammates came over to congratulate me with hugs. We were all smiles and hopeful eyes. My score went up pretty quickly and the crowd yelled with enthusiasm. I gasped and my brows shot up. A shot of electricity zipped down my spine as I stared up at the television screen with my name next to the flag.
It was my first Olympic score, and it wasn't bad.
The two other gymnasts from my team took their turns. Each time one finished, we congratulated her, praising her and lifting her spirit regardless if she needed it or not. It brought morale to our small group and helped quiet our loud thoughts. We we're panicking on the inside and going through the same thing together, we just didn't talk about it.
One gymnast from my team had more balance checks than I had, while the other had a near perfect score. Both had high scores in difficulty, which made a difference. Along with my score and after the first rotation, Team USA was currently in second place, a tenth of a point from being in third.