‘W Y N D will showcase the latest in restorative workshops, caffeine colonics, colostrum facials and laser gemstone therapy. It will be as beautiful and transformative as a destination wedding.’
‘Riiiight, it sounds like the Hazel App in surround sound,’ Amy piped up without taking her eyes off her tablet, on which her neon talons click-clacked incessantly. ‘Where does my client come into this?’ She sounded bored. Amy delighted in winding Hazel up.
‘Well, Ms Donoghue, you may or may not have noticed that the Irish mumfluencers’ reputations have seriously suffered in the last two months.’ Virtually all the influencers shifted uneasily at this. ‘W Y N D is an opportunity to give back, to prove that we’re not all crazed liars out for a bit of sponcon at any cost.’
‘OK, so it’s a charity gig?’ Amy set the tablet aside at last.
‘Well, no, no, of course it won’t be free, but the price point of the basic package will be accessible. And the luxury will be off the charts. Along with our own elite, I’m inviting some of the giants of the LA wellness influencer set. We’ll be offering the followers access like they’ve never dreamed of to their fave online mavens. Twenty twenty is all about that authenticity buck and we are going to personify that. With this event, we can shove Deborah Effing Winters’s hot takes about “toxic influence” and “negative beauty and lifestyle standards” up her own uncaffeinated hole.’
‘So, are you paying my client for this unprecedented access, Hazel?’ Shelly loved that she could count on Amy for keeping the bottom line in view at all times. This would be a decent boost before the bump popped in September.
‘Appearance fees will be calculated according to your individual influence.’ Hazel charged on with her notes. ‘Now, selling this unique event will hinge on our collective magnetism. We want to have every one of our W Y N D ambassadors to appear in this promo, which is the second phase of today’s itinerary.’
Both Polly and Ali were surprised by this news, with each of them protesting at the same time.
‘I have a thing, Hazel,’ said Polly urgently. ‘I didn’t realise we were doing the promo today.’
‘I said we were doing promotional materials in the WhatsApp, Polly.’ Hazel rounded on Polly and Ali viciously.
‘I can’t just hop off to Inis Whatever,’ Ali yelped. ‘We’ve got … I mean, I’ve to go to a meeting.’
‘Don’t worry, the island is far from habitable just yet,’ Ezra reassured her as he distributed call sheets. ‘The set up for filming today is all here on site.’
Shelly noted with relief that she was up first.
‘We’ll take you one by one through to hair and make-up and then to the green screen studio. The remaining women can enjoy a light lunch and we’ll be through with everyone by 2, 3 p.m. tops. How does that sound?’ He flashed a smooth, placating smile.
Shelly looked around to see how everyone else was taking this news.
Ali looked mutinous but was being soothed by Polly, which was definitely odd. Not only had she rarely seen them ever talk to one another, she could not imagine they would have much in common. Ali was way too salty for Polly. Siobhan and Crystal, on the other hand, were looking delighted with themselves. They were essentially small fry, and this was probably the most salubrious Insta-event they had ever been involved with. Shelly pulled herself up to stretch the bump. As she neared the third trimester, a persistent pain in her ribs started up any time she sat for too long. This pregnancy was definitely proving to be more of a drain than her first. She doubted she’d even be able to attend W Y N D. It was very close to her due date.
She was just heading towards Ali and Polly when Ezra intercepted her.
‘Shelly, pleasure to meet IRL. Your work has been a terrific source of inspo for me for years now. I just love what you’ve created with SHELLY. With the input of Amy, of course,’ he added hastily as she appeared at his elbow, tablet raised for battle.
‘Ezra, logistics at our end are tricky,’ she announced, and Shelly relaxed, knowing the ever-on Amy was sorting things.
‘Right, yes, I can see.’ He gestured to the bump. ‘You’re about to go any day now by the looks of things.’
‘No, Ezra, she’s only twenty-seven weeks,’ Amy shot back sternly. ‘Now, W Y N D, as previously discussed, is too close to Shelly’s due date. Shelly and Hazel did agree a certain amount of support in the lead up. I’ve mailed you the exact proposal along with our tiered rates for Shelly’s appearances, stories and posts when she’s on a bump journey.’
‘Not a prob. I got them, Amy.’ Ezra smiled. ‘We’ve just this minute sent through the final and, might I say, very handsome offer and I think you’ll be pleased.’
Shelly smiled blandly as Amy brought up her inbox. The financials could be awkward, but this would be a major dent in the money to buy Dan out of the house.
‘OK, looks in order.’ Amy snapped her tablet cover shut. ‘Now, where’s hair and make-up?’
Ezra beckoned Ali’s friend Kate over, and she gushed as she kissed Shelly on the cheek.
‘Oh my God, I just loved your IGTV on how you organise your clothes every week. I was like “Oh my God, ordering a rail immedj!’’’ Shelly smiled awkwardly as Kate absent-mindedly stroked the cashmere coatigan Shelly had unwrapped that very morning from BT’s PR department.
‘No touching,’ barked Amy and Kate jumped.
‘Sorry, of course, let’s get you island-ready.’ Kate smiled and hurried ahead, leading Shelly up Hazel’s wide, sweeping staircase to the second-floor landing, where they were met by three different closed doors. Shelly marvelled at the plants and orchids tumbling from the tiny occasional tables that punctuated the hall. How does she maintain this with five kids? Maybe the kids don’t even come up here? Maybe they’re bused off each evening to the real house that’s full of handprints on the walls and the usual kid shite. Shelly grinned at the thought. There was nothing she’d put past Hazel.
Kate led them through the middle door to a vast dressing room. The stylists and MUAs bustled about. The room was decorated to resemble a beachfront property in Bondi, bamboo panels lining the walls, the furniture mostly bleached-out wood. Shelly took a seat in an awkward hanging hammock chair beside a large cactus sitting in a woven basket.
Kate pulled up a wicker stool and leaned forward eagerly.
‘I have followed you forever. I love you. So. Much.’
Her intense staring was a bit much and Shelly quickly swayed out of her reach as she noticed her start to stretch out for the coatigan again.
‘Like, I love you,’ Kate persisted.
‘Thanks.’ Shelly looked around desperately. Ever since @_________ had been hovering on the edges of her life, she’d found it more and more unnerving to come face to face with followers. Follow me! they had all said in the early days. Such a weird thing to ask for when you thought about it. Watch me, follow me, like me! Shelly made a mental note to follow up with Detective Bríd (their meeting kept being rescheduled) as she tried to fend off Kate.
Thankfully, before Kate could inch any closer, a perky stylist Shelly vaguely recognised from Hazel’s events over the years skipped over, referring to the tablet she cradled in her left arm.