Whatever she thought I was doing—trying to distance myself, having a temper tantrum about her declaration, blah blah blah—she was wrong. See, distance made the heart grow fonder. Her heart and other body parts were already pretty damn fond of me. When she told me she didn’t want anything, I just about laughed in her face.
I was no fool.
She wanted me. She wanted to joke with me, laugh with me, cry with me, touch me.
She. Wanted. It. All.
She was lying to herself.
For whatever reason—the same reason she liked her control so much—she didn’t think she could be in a serious relationship. But I couldn’t dwell on that point because it only made me ponder why she was the way she was. I had seen shit. The worst of the world. Therefore, when I thought on her issues with intimacy, I contemplated what had happened to her, usually ending up with murderous rage demanding I take vengeance against whoever had hurt her.
I digress.
There I was, pressed up against her, wanting nothing more than to rub my hand up her thigh, tangle my hands in her hair that was currently in a thick ropelike braid tickling my shoulder, press my lips against her collarbone. But if I did any of those things, it would ruin my entire façade.
Now her current anger was probably pointed inward. She was mad at herself for holding back, for not accepting a relationship with me. If she believed I was doing the exact opposite, that I was accepting her demands and settling for whatever joke of a picture she thought she’d painted, she was misguided.
Exactly where I wanted her.
My hand closest to her was flexed in a tight fist, my jaw clenched so tight my teeth would probably break. What would not break was me. I would not give in to my desires. It took our conversation that night after dinner to realize how far off my aim had been when she walked through the front door of my parents’ house and I’d mauled her. Even though I might not have been able to keep breathing without kissing her, even though she’d given in and kissed me back, she wasn’t ready. I should have known, should have been prepared, considering how often she deviated our conversations from talk of any relationship. She needed time to get used to and adjust to the idea of us.
My hope was that I’d be able to wear her down before our month together was up. Because whether she liked it or not, I was determined to spend every moment possible with her. I would court her, woo her, show her that I wouldn’t hurt her as I was guessing the other prick in her life had. I had one month—maybe less, since I needed to go to Ohio to get things settled. I wouldn’t waste one second.
When my dad took a sharp corner, she was forced closer to me, if that was even possible. Her eyes were amber liquid, warm whiskey, open wide and fixed on me. My façade slipped in the form of a quiet growl that ripped from my throat and between my bared teeth. She huffed out a frustrated breath, rolled her eyes, and tried shifting away from me again. There was nowhere to shift to, so she only succeeded in rubbing her bare arm and leg up against my bare arm and leg.
She obviously thought I was mad that she was pressed against me. I was mad I couldn’t pull her in my lap, rub that cute little baby bump, and then have my way with her. I couldn’t do such things until she was ready; therefore, I was pissed and resolved to wait her out.
Relief flooded me when my dad finally pulled up to the airport, but I was in control enough to bite back my sigh. She wasn’t in control at all. Her sigh was heavy and loud and had everyone in the car turning to look at her. Rosy red spilled over her neck, ears, cheeks. I wanted to lick her. I clamped my mouth shut even tighter. She gave everyone a small, miserable smile before averting her gaze out the window while she waited for Cade and Ava to get out of the car.
Mom and Dad walked us all the way to security and said their goodbyes. They made demands for us to call them the minute we knew what we were having and told us they’d be seeing us soon. Kate received bigger hugs and more kisses than both Ava and me combined. Much to my surprise, she accepted them with tears in her eyes and a glorious grin that made my chest ache. After such a rocky start, I was thrilled to see them accept Kate into the family so easily. Now if only I could get her to accept me with as much enthusiasm.
We waited near our gate, Kate sitting in the chair next to me and Cade and Ava across from us. Cade and Ava didn’t keep their staring to themselves, making it pretty damn obvious they were wondering what was going on with Kate and me. Kate kept her staring to a minimal—what she thought was sly—amount. What she didn’t know was that every time her eyes snared on me, my brain twitched. I ignored my sister, her too observant boyfriend, and the mother of my child.
My Neanderthal tendencies were demanding I toss her over my shoulder and claim her as mine—again. In short, I desperately needed a cigarette, but I couldn’t have one. My ration of two for the day had been spent in the middle of the night when I snuck out to smoke in hopes of distracting myself enough to keep from picking Kate’s lock and having it out with her again.
Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.
Her eyes just kept moving to me, as if she couldn’t help it, as if her anger was building and building and she was about to explode from it. Ava and Cade finally relented with the staring, discussing things amongst themselves until Kate said, “Want to get some coffee, Ava?” her voice making every cell of my being perk up. It was smooth as silk and a little raspy, as if she’d smoked at one point in her life. Which she may have. Interesting.
Ava hopped up with too much enthusiasm, saying, “Yeah!” before glancing down at Cade. “I’ll get you something, too. You’re not falling asleep on me this time.”
He chuckled as they walked away.
Neither of them asked if I wanted anything, which only told me she was getting a drink to see if I would give in and give her the reaction she wanted. I did no such thing when they returned. Ava shot me a confused look before her eyes shifted to Kate and then to the ground. Her ears were bright red. She was mad at Kate for whatever she’d learned from her while they were getting coffee.
I made it a point to mess with my phone and chat with Cade and Ava about the weather in Tennessee up until the second we got on the plane. Kate and I were sitting together in the row across from Cade and Ave. This was going to be one long-ass five-hour flight. I was mostly certain I could get through it; I could keep my resolve.
When I stuck my earbuds in, browsing my playlists, she huffed loudly and pulled some fashion magazines from her backpack, slamming them on her lap. I bit back my laughter. She was wearing down quick. Instead of putting on some screaming rock to fit my mood, I put on some chill music, quiet enough that I’d be able to hear her if she chose to speak to me. With my eyes closed, I settled in, listening to the music accompanied by the sound of her magazine pages turning. After about an hour, they started flipping in a quicker fashion, like she was frustrated with them. She would sigh and huff, then turn the page, sigh, huff, page turn, sigh, huff, page turn. It was driving me mad.
My resolve broke on an especially sad sigh. I pulled the earbuds out and looked at her, but she wasn’t looking at me. Her hands were gripping the magazine in her lap so tight that the pages were wrinkled while she stared at them with such forlorn sadness, my chest cracked wide open. Did she think she wasn’t as pretty as the woman on the cover? Was she upset about what having a baby might do to her body? I couldn’t even gander a guess as to what she was thinking, but I’d do anything to keep that look from her face, even if it meant pushing her buttons a little.