The diner both Ava and I worked at—I had gotten her the job when she first moved in almost a year before—wasn’t too far from the apartment. It was set up in an old building where everyone knew they could get the best Creole on Broadway. Inside was brightly lit from the sun shining through the large front windows. The floor was black-and-white tile, and the tables had mismatching chairs surrounding them. It didn’t seem like much, but the place could get a line wrapped around the corner during a rush.
“Hey, Tim!” I greeted my boss, who had to be six-five. His ebony skin almost shined in the light of the sun.
“Have a long night, Kate?” he asked while unlocking the café, leading me inside.
I didn’t deign his comment worth a reply, especially since flipping him off would likely get me fired. We worked together getting the diner ready for the day while the cooks prepped in the kitchen. Tim was a good guy. Not too bossy, a bit caring, young to be the owner of such a great restaurant, but it had been handed down to him. If I were honest with myself, he was someone who could be a cool brother, probably since he reminded me of Delia’s older brothers. Even though that was most of the reason I’d applied to work there after eating a fantastic bowl of gumbo over two years before, I didn’t much like thinking about it or the friend I hadn’t spoken to in too long.
The day went by slowly, but I was feeling mostly better, so I didn’t complain too much. We had a good lunch rush, making me enough money that I could grab groceries on the way home. The only issue I had while serving my tables was that I had to run to the bathroom to pee about a million times, but I figured it was due to the amount of water I drank whenever I felt nauseous.
It wasn’t until one of my customers ordered gumbo at lunchtime that the nausea hit again in such a forceful wave that I had to ask Tim to take it to the table so I could run to the restroom. It was the craziest thing, since I actually loved gumbo, one of the few things I cherished from my hometown. But the scent of it was off. Maybe it was bad.
When I came out of the bathroom, there was Tim, watching me with his lips pressed together, arms crossed over his chest, dark eyes scrutinizing me. “Honey, you’re looking rough,” he commented.
“Yeah. I was sick last night.” I shrugged it off, going to walk around him so I could get back to work.
“Kate.” He stopped me with a hand gripping my elbow. “I can’t let you work while you’re sick. You gotta get on home and get better. Let me know if you’re still not feeling great tomorrow and I’ll get someone else in.”
My heart sank. I needed the work, needed the money to keep paying my bills. But I also didn’t want another person worrying about me. “I’m really fine, Tim. I just…. The gumbo smelled weird.”
“Even still. I have to send you home.” He gave me a hard look that told me he wasn’t going to budge. And I knew I shouldn’t cause a scene, no matter how badly I wanted to argue. So I complied. Luckily, he let me cash out before I left, so I could get that shopping done before I went home.
While I was walking around the supermarket, I had to pee yet again. And my stomach kept on turning and turning.
It was when I was walking down the tampon aisle that it hit me. The thought of what might be wrong with me. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. Just the thought of it made me want to laugh, but it also made me nauseous again.
I did the math over and over. The last time I’d had a period was right before we went to Oregon. It wasn’t abnormal that I hadn’t had one in the nine-week gap. I was on birth control. I got that shot that covered you for months, which also made it so you didn’t have a period each month.
Yeah, I was good. That was why I was nauseous, because my period would show up any day. It just might be a rather horrible one. Even still, I snuck three pregnancy tests into the cart. Just in case. My heart pounded as I covered them with all the other items. Not that I knew anyone in the store, but just having to look at it while I got the rest of my groceries made me want to run and hide.
Back at the apartment, I rushed inside, not even knowing why I was rushing. Well… I did know, but I tried not to think about it while I put everything in its exact designated spot in the kitchen. Everything but the tests and the box of tampons I was certain I would need the next day.
No matter how much I tried convincing myself to wait a few more days for my period to start, I just… I couldn’t. Not with the way I needed control. How could I keep it if I didn’t know?
Since Ava was at school, I at least had some privacy while I sat on the toilet, staring at the tests. All three of them in a neat row, showing me something I refused to believe. The two dark solid lines on all three of them. There was no way. I mean, there was. Obviously. I got with a lot of guys, which was just a whole other part of my planned chaos. But I was so careful, even being on birth control. So freaking careful. It was one of my many rules.
That I only slipped up on once. Eight weeks before. In a moment of weakness, of pure passion I had never felt in my life, I threw one of my most important rules out the window. There was no doubt in my mind it was his. How could it not be? I hadn’t even been with anyone else since that one time, no matter how hard I’d tried to make it happen.
I muttered an expletive at the test. At the bathroom. At no one but myself. How could I let this happen?
My control crumbled beneath my feet. Tears streamed down my cheeks while I just stared and stared at the tests. As if to verify it was real, my stomach rolled again, a cold sweat breaking out over my neck. I would have thought there was nothing left in there. But there was.
When I was done, I took the tests to my room, locking the door. Then I just cried and cried there with the positive tests in hand. What could I do? Who could I tell?
I couldn’t tell Ava, even if it was her—
No!
Should I tell Kai? Could I?
I didn’t know.
The only thing I did know was that there was a little person inside me. A person who didn’t choose to strip away all my control. But they did. Slowly cutting away every strand of it that I had on my life as my mind worked, finding resolve in something so unexpected.
The first thing I needed was to find a doctor.
2
Kai
When I got off work, I read Kate’s reply over a few times. I couldn’t stop reading it. The fact that she had replied at all was shocking. She was sassy. That enthralled me. My banter was always met with a snarky comeback that had me pining for a woman I barely knew.
I had specifically brought up the subject of our one time together that she had told me never to mention again. I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. About her. She had told me there would only be the one time. That made me want her more. I would do whatever I could to get her to break that rule. Logic had me questioning why she had such a rule to begin with, but what I felt for her was not logical.
It was irrational. Idiotic.
She was just another girl. Except she wasn’t. She played the Southern sweetheart, but she was a spitfire at heart. She was a genius majoring in computer science. And she was enigmatic. It didn’t go unnoticed that she didn’t share much about herself. I didn’t press, didn’t ever ask about where she came from, why she had come to Oregon for Thanksgiving rather than spending the time with her own family. But I wondered all the same. I wondered if Ava had asked her. Or if Ava even noticed how reserved her roommate was. I noticed. That mysteriousness was what drew me in. There was so much beneath her surface—which was perfection—that I wanted to know it all. If she would let me.