“What else?” Patrick prompts.
Michael nods. “Maybe you would’ve told me that I mattered to you. Maybe I could’ve touched you one more time even as I ruined everything important to me.”
That sentiment sits between us for a few seconds.
“When Patrick heard us, it was like this splash of cold water. His face broke me, and I realized I couldn’t let him go. I can’t let him leave me. I have to tell him the truth. I have to show him I’m not worthy of him so at least he knows I love him. I’m just fucked up.”
Michael’s full on crying now, wiping tears from his face. My eyes shift to Patrick, watching me with so much pain in his eyes that I go to him, fall to my knees, and wrap my arms around him. He holds me and sniffs into my shoulder. We’re just two men consoling each other over the shared hurt we have. After a minute, I sit back in my chair while Michael tries to compose himself. Jude hands him a cocktail napkin, surprising Michael with the kind gesture.
“Thank you for telling me,” I begin. “I wish you had been able to process this sooner, but maybe you needed to have Patrick by your side to do it.”
Michael nods, still avoiding my eyes.
“I accept your apology.”
His eyes shift up. “You do?”
“I do. Here’s why. What you did to me hurt me deeply, but I made major changes in my life because of it. After you left, I got a new job in a different part of town and joined a gym where I met Jude. He’s everything I never thought I could have. He rebuilt everything you tore apart. He helped me see that I’m so worthy of love and happiness exactly how I am.”
“You are,” Michael whispers. “You always were.”
“I know that now.” I squeeze Jude’s hand. “As much as I wish you hadn’t hurt me the way you did, I wouldn’t be here now with the most amazing love and the best man I know. So, it’s good. It took us both a while to get to this place, but it’s the right place.” I offer a smile to Patrick. “You’re a lucky man to have Patrick. I hope you can see that now and get the help you need to have a healthy relationship.”
“I’m going to look for a therapist as soon as we get home.”
“That’s a start, but you need to communicate. None of this would’ve happened if you were just honest with yourself and the people you love.”
Michael nods. “In some ways, I’m relieved it’s out now. I’ve lived with this pain and shame for most of my life. I told Patrick this, but it’s important for me to tell you too. I didn’t ever follow through with any of the cheating. I mean, I cheated by being on the apps and talking to guys with intent, but I never physically cheated on you. I’ve never cheated on Patrick.”
“Thank you for that. It does help. I’m ready to put this behind me for good. If you want to make it all worth it for yourself, let Patrick love you, and get the help you need.”
“I will.”
“But don’t feel bad about me anymore. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Jude is my person. He loves me completely, flaws and all, and I’m good. I’m better than good.”
“That makes me really happy to hear,” Michael says, his face flushed with emotion. “Thank you for talking with me.”
“You’re welcome.” I stand and offer a hug. Michael looks shocked but quickly accepts it.
I release him, rubbing Patrick’s shoulder. “I knew you were a good man the minute we met. Good luck with everything. I wish you both well.”
He smiles. “Thank you for talking. I’m hopeful we can make this work.” He leans close. “You have a good man in Jude. His love for you is so evident, it makes me believe in love even more than I did.”
“Thanks. Take care.”
As Jude and I walk out and head for the elevators, he grabs me around the waist, twisting into me. “I’m so proud of you. You showed your heart, babe. Your big, compassionate heart. Even though he hurt you, you showed him kindness.”
I exhale, smiling. “Because he’s just a person now. He doesn’t affect me anymore. You’ve been replacing the narrative he forced on me since we met, but the last three months, you’ve shown me what real love feels like. You’ve shown me that I’m already the person I need to be, and now I’m with the person I’ve always deserved. Thank you for letting yourself fall for me. I love you, Jude.”
Jude cups my face and presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Thank you for letting me. Inch by inch, you let me ease my way in. You let me explore and learn and open up to possibilities I hadn’t considered before. You make me happy. I want to make you happy too.”
“Done.”
“Now, let’s go back upstairs and spend the day making love and talking about our future. Tomorrow, we’ll tell our friends that we’re in love and then we’ll just go on living our lives the way we do. Sound like a plan?”
“Best plan ever.”
Jude
Inside the hotel room, I grip Briar around the neck, pulling his mouth to mine and tugging at his clothes. Now that I’ve had a taste of what sex is like with him, I only want more. I barely made it through brunch as last night played in my head over and over. It takes just minutes before we’re naked, kissing and backing up into the bed. Briar lies beneath me, meeting my passion and hunger for more.
“I fucking love you,” I murmur against his lips. “I’m crazy about you, Bri.”
I feel his smile on my lips. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.”
“Hope not.” I push his legs up, just taking him in. “Pretty.”
He laughs. “No one’s ever called me that before.”
“Well you are. Every part.” I press a thumb to his hole. “This too.”
“You gonna stare at it, or you gonna fuck it?”
I laugh. “Hmm, a little sass. I like it.” I push into him a little, earning a small whimper. “I’m gonna fuck it, but first, I’m gonna eat it until my jaw hurts.”
“Oh fuck.”
I bury my face between his legs, inhaling his scent. He still smells like soap from the shower, but there’s also this residual sweetness I’m coming to learn is just Briar. I lick his hole, darting my tongue inside as he relaxes into me. I pull back slightly, just absorbing this. Briar’s flesh is tinged pink from lust as he holds his legs up, exposing all of himself to me. I want to fuck him again so bad, but first…
“Bri?”
“Yes?” he answers, breathlessly.
“I need you to fuck me.”
He moans.
“You don’t want to?”
He nods, opening his eyes. “I do, but I don’t know if I’m good at it. I’ve only done it a couple of times, and it’s been a long time.”
I cup his chin. “How will I know if I’m a tempting top or a bossy bottom unless you fill my ass with all that pretty dick?”
He smiles. “Well, since you put it that way.” He rolls over, rising onto his knees and gently pushing me back. I watch as he grabs the bottle of lube and pours a good amount on his index and middle fingers. “Prep first.”