I cut him off. “Stana doesn’t know Ali even owns Saint Street. And it’s not like we’re rolling in it. We’re not bad off by any means, but if Stana were in it for the money, we’re in London—there are far more prosperous prospects for her to latch onto.”
He nods, and I know he doesn’t believe what he said. We all know Stana doesn’t give two shits about money.
“But,” he continues, “she’s different. She’s no Poppy.”
I think back to our old friend.
“You never really did like Pop, did you?”
“There wasn’t a whole lot to like, Em. I think I just saw a side of her no one else did. I guess that was another reason I was worried about Stana, but I’m big enough to admit when I’ve been wrong, and I was about Stana. She seems like good stock. I’m happy you have her.”
“It means a lot to me that you like her, Reeve.”
“I mean, I’m clearly not the only one. You’ve seen how Owen and Ali both look at her. Any moron can see that this might end in tears before bedtime for someone, and we both know it won’t be Ali.”
“I knew I wasn’t the only one seeing it. There is something there between them. Secret looks, hidden glances…” I trail off, the situation mirroring my own too much. I look up only to catch Reeve’s gaze darting away from my own.
“I’m sure the two of them will figure it all out, Em. We can’t meddle.”
“It’s not that I want to meddle. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“You mean Ali or Stana?”
I pause, “Both.”
He nods thoughtfully.
“It’s all gonna be okay, Em. You just have to let them do this themselves.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his own. It’s a platonic gesture to him, probably meaning less than nothing, just one friend comforting another, but to me, well, to me it means everything.
Sucking in a breath, I try to pull myself together. The memory of that night is still so fresh in my mind.
“I think your nonchalance about it hurts me the most,” I tell him, eyes trained on the droplets pooling on the outside of my glass. “Not once, but twice, this happened, and both times you’ve come up to me and just expected me to forgive you and accept it was a mistake.” I turn to him, my disdain evident. “How does that work, Reeve? How does any of that make sense in your head? You’ve always been the person I came to with my problems, the one who took care of me, but now? Now you’re the fastest to dismiss them.”
He shuts his eyes, his hand coming to his face momentarily. “It’s not that I’m dismissing them, Em. I’m sorry if that’s how it’s coming off. But I’m so fucking scared I’ve ruined everything, so in a fucked-up hope of trying to move on, I’m attempting to revert things to how they once were.”
“You dismissed me so easily, Reeve.”
“I’ve fucked up, Em. Please, I’ll do anything to fix this.”
I stay silent, knowing this can go one of two ways. I can either lose my shit on Reeve or cut him down in the only way I know how. It might be cruel now, but it will be better for us in the long run if I choose the latter.
Turning my body toward him, I face the only boy I’ve ever loved and look him directly in the eye. I ignore the warmth in my stomach that his presence brings, the comfort he gives me. I always thought it was just Ali, but now I see Reeve Sawyer has been my biggest safety net all along. And it’s time to cut the ties and save myself from the freefall.
“Our Sunday dinners have been the absolute highlight of my year, Reeve,” I begin, and the small smile, the one only a few of us are lucky enough to know, graces his lips. It’s almost enough to make me stop. Almost.
“And I’ve had an amazing year, Reeve. I met Stana. My brother and best friend fell in love. Lottie came into my life. I’ve had a lot of good things this year, but through it all, seeing your face, spending that one-on-one time with you once a month managed to creep its way through and win a spot on the frontlines. All month I would look forward to it, and it wasn’t just the cooking, it was the company. More specifically, your company.”
I pause, smiling at him, but it lacks any heart, and when his face drops, I know he sees it.
“But as quickly as I came to love those Sunday dinners with you, I came to dread the idea of being alone with you. Because after that first night together, I had given myself hope that instead of a secret once-a-month dinner, we would be having them all the time, and that finally, you would see that I’ve never viewed you as a brother like Ali and Owen, that you’ve always been so much more. So that next morning, when you rejected me, I couldn’t think of anything more painful than having to be alone with you. Do you know what it’s like to be told by the one person you want that they don’t want you? Not just once, but twice. It’s not just humiliating, I’m sure that’s a given, but it’s gut punching too. ‘Wring out your insides like a wet T-shirt’ painful.” I pause to steady my quaking voice.
“I’m not a child, Reeve. I know sometimes sex is just sex, but with us, with you, there is no way you didn’t know it would mean more to me. And I’ve got to own my part in everything too, I kept coming back for more. Maybe I could have gotten over it the first time, but after that second time, I realized either you’re an asshole who enjoys toying with my emotions for shits and giggles, or you’re too scared to admit something is happening between us. And to tell you the truth, I have no time for assholes or cowards. So I’ve made the choice to move on, without you. And in order to do that, I need you to give me the time I need to heal, and that means without you. I’m not saying it will be this way forever, but I need space and you need to give it to me.”
I let out a deep breath after finishing, my chest feeling just a bit lighter.
Reeve is pensive, his eyes swirling with something I can’t decipher.
I place my hand on top of his and give it a quick squeeze before pulling away.
“Are you ready to go?”
I turn at the voice of Noel, nodding as I grab my bag. Reeve doesn’t acknowledge either of us, his face staring straight ahead, locked onto nothingness.
Each step out of Saint Street feels as if I’m walking through drying concrete, but I push on, not letting myself look back, no matter how desperately I want to.
I spear the last slice of my steak and gobble it down, relishing the home-cooked meal. I know Noel is many things, but him being a great cook is definitely a bonus.
“Noel, this was bloody delicious,” Ali remarks, his plate bare while he tries to steal the last of Stana’s. She slaps his hand away before shoving the piece of meat into her mouth, an I-told-you-so grin overtaking her face.
“It is really good,” Stana adds in.
Noel looks to me, smiling softly, his hand finding mine under the table. I want to stab myself in the eye when I instinctively look across the table at Reeve. Yes, did I mention he’s here too?
“Great steak, mate,” Reeve says, stabbing the slice aggressively. The sides of his mouth curve while his eyes narrow. It isn’t the least bit friendly and only contributes to the fact his behavior is confusing the hell out of me. I’m supposed to let this go, let him go, but that’s proving to be the world’s biggest challenge when his words say one thing but his actions another. And I’m the fool reading into it all instead of telling him to get fucked.