“If the universe would have ever graced me with a sister, I know it would have been you.” His large hands wrap around my own, and it’s hard to push the emotions of the past few weeks away. I want to confide in him, tell him everything, but that would be drawing a line in the sand. It would be Emilia or Reeve, and I don’t want anyone to choose, especially the guys.
“Are you okay, Em?” His gaze probes my own, searching.
“It’s just been one of those months, Owen. I’ll be all right.” I stand and brush invisible lint from my pants, then turn back to him and wrap my small arms around his muscular frame. Out of all the lads, Owen is definitely the most built.
“I love you, O.”
He tightens his arms around me. “Love you too, kid. I’m here, for anything, remember that.”
As I nod into his neck, trying to keep the tears at bay, I hear the door open and footsteps barrel down the stairs.
I try to pull away, but I’m not fast enough as Reeve comes into view, then stops completely at the sight of Owen and me intertwined.
“Hey, mate,” Owen says, stepping out of my embrace, clearly unaware of the tension between Reeve and me.
“Hey,” Reeve replies, but his eyes are locked on me.
“I told Ali I would do inventory for the new shipment,” I say. “I’d better get to it if it’s gonna be done this decade.”
I smile at them both before disappearing out back. I hear their murmurs to one another, and despite my better judgment telling me to walk away, I inch forward, ear pressed to the cracked-open door.
“What do you mean she was upset?” Reeve says, his voice laced with urgency.
“I don’t know, mate, but something is bothering the girl. She said some shit happened at work, but it’s definitely more than that. Has she said anything to you?”
There’s a pause in their conversation, and I worry I’ve been caught until Reeve continues. “Work has been busy. I haven’t seen much of anyone, let alone Em.” It’s a lie, a cover, but his delivery is believable.
“I’ve been helping Lottie settle in, and Ali’s got Stana on his mind all the time. I think we’ve let Emilia slip through the cracks, mate. We need to do better.”
My heart breaks at Owen’s statement, because I have not slipped through the cracks and they don’t need to place blame on themselves.
“I’ll look out for her,” Reeve interjects. “I’ve always looked out for her and I’ve been a dick this month. I’ll make it right.”
My ears are burning at this point, so I pull back as Reeve asks Owen about Lottie, to which Owen responds by telling him to get fucked.
I wanted to end this year with more independence, not being a burden on the boys even more than I have been my entire life. I’ve always been taken care of by someone, and I need to stand on my own two feet, not only for my sake, but for everyone’s.
I put on some music to distract myself, and the next two hours fly by. It’s nearing ten past five when I hear the rumbles of early and eager patrons enter the door of Saint Street.
As I’m stacking away the last of the boxes, I turn and crash right into Noel. I pull back, eyes wide at his appearance.
“Noel, what are you doing here?”
His smile turns uneasy at my question, and I feel like a dick.
“Not that I’m not happy to see you, I just didn’t expect you,” I add to make things less awkward.
“I hadn’t really heard from you for a few days, and I wanted to see if everything was okay. You seemed a bit out of sorts when you left the other day.”
“No, no, everything is fine! I was just caught off guard having to leave and was a bit frazzled, but everything is great here. Can I get you a drink?”
“A pint would be great,” he says, taking a seat at the bar. I round it and get his drink, pouring myself a rosé while I’m at it.
“Sorry I didn’t call. I had a massive deadline and when it comes to work, I have to give it my all. But regardless, you deserved a call. I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re fine, Emilia. Don’t even worry about it.”
I nod, my fingers twisting in and out of the towel I’m holding. There’s a pause, and unfortunately for us, it’s an awkward silence, something I’ve never been so good at filling.
“So, what time do you finish here tonight? Maybe we could grab a bite?”
I stop what I’m doing, my hands resting atop the cold bar bench. Trepidation fills my gut for the first time with Noel, and that tells me everything I need to know. I didn’t call him for a reason, and now it’s blaringly obvious to me. He’s an amazing lad, a guy I would usually go for, but he’s the safe bet. And eventually it would fizzle out between us, and I know he would be the one hurt.
“Noel,” I begin, my voice alone telling him all he needs to know. His eyes widen but he quickly regains composure.
“It’s not going to work out, is it, Emilia?”
I sigh. “I don’t think so. I’m sorry.”
He nods. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed. I was quite keen on you, but if you’re not feeling it, there’s nothing I can do to change that.” He looks down, as if he’s still processing it all. I want to reach out and comfort him, but that would be overstepping.
“I really do like you, Noel. I think it’s better to be honest early on, and my head and my heart just aren’t in it. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay. This isn’t the first, nor will it be the last time stuff like this happens. Just life, I guess. I really hope it doesn’t have to be uncomfortable between us. I do value my friendship I have with Ali and you.”
I nod. “Me too.”
He’s silent for a few moments before smiling. It’s forced. “I’d better get going, then. I’ll see you around, Emilia.”
“See you around, Noel.”
He walks to the door, pushing through the crowd of buzzing bodies ready to have some fun. Too bad that isn’t in the cards for Noel tonight. I watch him and I wait for it. Wait for that feeling of sadness, emptiness, or anything remotely similar to longing. When it never comes, I know I made the right choice.
I refocus on the bar, serving drinks until closing.
The next day I sit on Ali and Stana’s couch, guzzling wine and pizza, attempting to explain how things didn’t work out with Noel.
“So, it’s over? Just like that?” Stana shoves Ali in his side at his question, but I just laugh.
“Yeah, Noel was a great guy, but I wasn’t feeling it. It would have been unfair to him to lead him on.” I sip my rosé, thankful Stana got a bottle to go with our pizza. I’m having dinner with just the two of them at their place, some much-needed family time.
“I think that’s fair,” Stana interjects. “If you’re not into it, don’t waste either of your time.” She takes a massive bite out of her cheese pizza, her eyes practically rolling to the back of her head. Clearly the girl loves her pizza.
“No, of course,” Ali agrees. “I was just surprised is all.”
“Ugh, I hope I didn’t make things awkward for you, Ali. I know you and Noel are friends.” Despite everything, I would hate to be the reason his friendship with Ali deteriorated. They may not be best mates, but I know Noel values Ali.