I blink, still unsure where this is going. I stay silent.
“It was all bullshit, every time I said it was a mistake between us. It was all a cover, an excuse to be able to be with you, then the perfect out the next morning when reality came crashing down.”
I cringe.
“There has always been something here. I’m not an idiot—I saw how the way you looked at me started changing when you were a teenager. But you were too young, my best friend’s little sister. I mean, what kind of person does that make me? So I pushed it aside, ignored it all. Even when you were nineteen, walking out of this flat took every ounce of strength I had.”
“So why did you?” I finally ask.
“It felt like a betrayal to Ali. After everything you two had been through, how could I risk it all?”
“That can’t be it. Ali’s protective but not unreasonable, Reeve.”
He nods. “I didn’t grow up with a dad, Emmy. My mum was always off looking for a new husband, and my brother and I weren’t close. But none of that is news to you. So, when I met Ali and became a part of your family, it was like I finally got a taste for the first time what it was like. What it meant to have a group of people rallying behind you, supporting you no matter what.”
I bite down on my lip, understanding exactly how Reeve feels. All of us have some hole from our families; I think that’s why we all fit together so well.
“It was easier to push it aside, Em. When how I saw you started to change, I managed to tell myself I’d get over it. That I could ignore it and it would go away.”
“But why did you need to ignore it? That’s what I don’t get.”
“Ali’s your brother, Em. Stana and Lottie, they’re family, so what side Stana takes, Lottie takes. I’m not saying Owen would cut me out, but you never know.”
My brows pinch in confusion. “What do you mean ‘take sides’?”
“If we went for it and it didn’t work out, I don’t know how we would be around one another. Everyone would know and sides would be taken. And although it scares the hell out of me thinking about losing all of them, I was even more terrified at the thought of not having you in my life. That if I risked wanting more with you, I would only hurt both of us in the long run.”
“Jesus, Reeve. Ali and Owen love you. They’d never end your friendship over us breaking up.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t know that, Em. Life gets fucked up all the time. Shit, look at the last few months. I’ve created sheer and utter chaos.”
“Because you weren’t honest. If you had told me all of this before, none of this would have happened.”
He nods. “I know.”
“I don’t get it, Reeve. You managed to stay away from me for this long. What changed this year?”
“My dad called me.”
“Your dad?” I say, my body jerking forward. “I didn’t even know you had a dad.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize how stupid they are.
“Everyone has a dad, some just better than others,” he says with a laugh, not making me feel bad about my ignorance. “He called in July wanting to see me. Turns out my mum never told him I existed. My whole life I thought he abandoned me, yet it turns out he didn’t know I was alive.”
“Oh, Reeve,” I say, leaning forward to place my hand over his. Regardless of us, our history, I can only imagine how much this hurts him.
“Can I ask how he found out about you?” I chance prying too much but take the risk nonetheless.
Reeve lets out a humorless laugh. “That’s the real kicker. He ran into a mutual friend of theirs from decades ago, and she mentioned that my mum had a son. After finding out a bit more about me, he was able to piece it together. He even went as far as hiring a PI.”
I shake my head, attempting to process all the information coming my way. Everything Reeve is saying sounds as if it’s coming from a bad Lifetime movie, not the mouth of my friend.
“I was hurting, so I turned to the only person who would make it better.” He looks up, his gaze connecting with my own. “By attempting to avoid my own pain, I hurt you. Unintentionally or not, I hurt you, Emilia.”
I clench my eyes shut at the vulnerability in his voice. “So, what are you saying, Reeve?” I try to leave the hope out of my voice. These are all the words I wanted to hear from him, but how can I dive straight into something without being sure he won’t run again?
“I don’t want to be a coward, Emilia. I don’t want to be that person. I put on this façade that nothing bothers me, but there is no one else in this world who can get under my skin like you. No one else can shake up my rigid stability. You’ve exploded this force of life into my own, and I might have stuffed this all up between us before it even began, but I’m sick of lying to myself and you.”
He looks into my eyes, his words firm. “If you still feel the same way you did, I’m asking you to give us a shot, a real one, not hidden in bullshit because I couldn’t get myself together. I’ve spent my life making sure no one else hurts you, but I realize now, the past few months I’ve done what I swore I’d never do. I caused you pain and it kills me inside.”
I stare up at him, the hurt from the past few months still fresh despite his sugarcoated words.
“I can’t take back what I’ve done, how I’ve hurt you. But I can try to make up for it, show you how much you mean to me, how sorry I am. Because I am sorry. I get it if you need time and I understand if you’re scared. I’ve given you zero reason to trust that I’m in this for good. The last thing I want to do is hurt you again.”
I blink a few times, trying to ignore the wetness in my eyes. Reeve Sawyer is telling me everything I want to hear, things I’ve waited years for him to tell me, so why am I so hesitant?
“I won’t lie to you, Reeve, I want that, all of it, but I can’t ignore what’s happened between us. But I’m also not stubborn enough to let the past define how I move forward. I’m willing to give this a shot.” I pause, seeing some of the life reenter his eyes.
“But,” I add in, “I’m not ready for this to be public. You aren’t wrong in admitting this could change the dynamic if things don’t work out. I think it’s best if we keep things between the two of us until we know for sure.”
His face lights up, a small smile tracing his lips. “At this point, I’ll do anything, Em. I’m going to prove to you I’m in this.”
“And we have to have everything on the table. I don’t want any secrets. If something is hurting you or bothering you, don’t shut me out. Come talk to me, confide in me, okay?”
He nods.
“Okay,” I say softly, unable to stop the smile spreading over my face.
He steps forward, crossing that invisible barrier that was created between us recently. I move, meeting him halfway before his lips descend on my own. It may not be our first kiss, but it sure as hell is our most memorable.
I hold onto him for dear life, knowing that even though rejection may happen at some point, it won’t in the next few hours.
“Bedroom,” I instruct him. He laughs against my lips, the vibrations running through me.