Twenty minutes later we’re sitting in my kitchen, Reeve cooking us up some breakfast.
“Don’t forget the baked beans,” I call out, then take a gulp of my coffee.
Reeve tosses a hand over his head. “Not gonna forget them, Em. I promise I’ve made breakfast before.”
I nod, realizing I need to relax.
Noise comes from Cora’s bedroom before her door swings open, Cora rubbing sleep from her eyes. Demon scurries past her, avoiding Reeve in the kitchen and going straight to his corner.
“I think your cat hates me.” Reeve eyes my ginger tabby as though it’s going to eat him.
“He hates everyone,” I tell him.
“He seems to like me just fine,” Cora says, walking to the kitchen.
I laugh because it’s true.
“Breakfast?” Reeve asks her.
She eyes him suspiciously for a moment but seemingly gives in.
“Sure, just no meat. I’m a vego,” she tells him, making herself an espresso.
“I don’t know how you drink that,” I say, eyeing the pure-black coffee.
“I don’t know how you drink that,” she retorts, motioning to my sugar-filled cappuccino.
I take a huge gulp of it, waiting for Reeve to plate up our food.
“So, Cora, what are your plans for Christmas?” I ask, trying to be friendly.
“I don’t celebrate Christmas. I’ll be home.”
“Okay, well, I’ll be out of town for two weeks, so you’ll have the flat to yourself!”
“Great,” she says, her tone even so I have to question if it is in fact great.
Reeve places our breakfast in front of us and I dig in, moaning at how bloody good it is.
“Told you I could make breakfast,” he tells me.
I nod in reply. “So good. I don’t think I’ll ever let you leave. Gonna need you to stay and make me breakfast every day for the rest of the year.”
He smiles, thinking I’m joking, but the reality is, even if I woke up next to Reeve Sawyer every day for the rest of my life, I still fear we wouldn’t have enough time.
The rest of November flies by, taking half of December with it. My days are spent in a paint-filled haze littered with time spent with Reeve and my friends. Lottie continues to keep her secrets while I keep mine, Stana and Ali appearing to be the only open books.
Cora has Demon for the next two weeks, a personal and shocking request on her part, but I can’t complain. Christmas fast approaches and before I know it, Ali, Stana, and I are already in Edinburgh for the holiday, spending time with old friends and distant family who we only see every few years.
The old cobbled pathways meshed with stone buildings and familiar banter make me feel instantly at home, despite growing up in London. I spend my free time roaming Princes Street and browsing through all the shops, weaving in and out of tourists, before escaping to Princes Street Gardens. I find some peace under the plethora of green trees, Edinburgh Castle looming right over me. Only another reason to love Scotland, no matter how cold it is, it’s green all year.
My days are peaceful, the chilling daytime air keeping me alert while night brings a slight absence of a certain someone next to me in bed.
Reeve is set to come up after Boxing Day, on the 27th of December, while Owen and Lottie decided it was best to miss this one. I know this place only harbors negative memories for her, so no one blames her. I can tell it’s killing Stana to see Lottie hurting and only confiding in Owen—well, that’s what we’re assuming anyway—but if there’s one thing I know about Lottie, it’s that she doesn’t want to be pushed into a corner. That will do no good for anyone in the situation.
My relationship with Reeve only gets better with each passing day, my desire to be with him incomparable. I know it’s love and I’ve fallen hard and fast, but I keep it to myself. Reeve isn’t ready to say “I love you” yet, especially with everything going on in his life right now.
His father has attempted to contact him again and again, but Reeve still isn’t ready. I’ve told him I’ll go anywhere with him, make sure he is safe and has people in his corner, but he isn’t ready. His father still contacts him, but Reeve pushes it to the side, for now. I want to push him, make him talk about it, but like Lottie, Reeve doesn’t do well with ultimatums and being backed into a corner.
So, like with everything else in my life, I wait. At this point I’m not sure what I’m even waiting for, the other shoe to drop? Maybe? Who knows at this point?
My week in Edinburgh alone with Ali and Stana is filled with reminiscing about our childhood, more so of Ali retracing our steps, as my young mind at the time only held onto so many memories. Stana is beyond excited to see our past, yet I can’t help how bittersweet the whole thing feels. Like they should be here. Mum and Dad.
But we push on, because that is what Ronan kids do best, push on. Christmas comes and goes in a blur and before I know it, it’s four p.m. on the 27th and I’m impatiently waiting for Reeve’s train to arrive. To say I’ve missed him is an understatement, and sleeping in separate rooms in this Airbnb will be a nightmare, but Reeve and I can do it. I know it won’t be long now until we can finally be out in the open.
After an hour of daydreaming, Ali knocks on my door and finds me perched by the window.
“Hoping for some snow, Em? I think we’re a few weeks early.” He laughs, coming to sit by me.
I turn to my big brother, unable to not smile in his presence. I thank the universe daily I got Alistair Ronan as my brother and best friend.
“Wouldn’t it be great, though, if it did snow? Stana told me she’s never even seen snow. A white Christmas and New Year really would be a treat.”
He ruffles my curls as if I’m still a little girl, and I swat away his hand out of habit.
“It snowed on Christmas Day here on our last Christmas before we moved to London. It was a brilliant day.” His voice drifts off on the last note, his eyes seemingly lost to the memories of our past. Memories of when our family was whole.
“I miss them too,” I tell him, wrapping my hand around his. “It’s okay to miss them, Ali. Talking about them won’t make me burst into tears anymore. Life is for the living; I know that. I can’t dwell on what’s happened. I’d rather embrace what knowing and loving them taught us in this life.”
Ali’s eyes gloss over with a sheen I haven’t seen in years, before he sniffs a few times. “Aye. How did you get to be so wise, little sister?”
I shrug, my own throat too tight with emotion to reply.
“Well,” he says, standing and dusting off his immaculate pants, “I told Stana we’d go on a walk before it gets dark. Are you sure you don’t want to come?”
I shake my head. “I’ve got some work to do for a client before the new year. Plus, someone needs to be here to let Reeve in when he arrives.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.” He hesitates for a moment as if he wants to say more, but he decides against it, saying his goodbyes before going to collect Stana. As soon as my door is closed, I refocus my attention back out the window, not actually looking for the first sign of snow, but the first sign of Reeve.
It’s not long after Ali and Stana head off, hand in hand, that I spy the familiar head of black hair getting out of a taxi. I don’t hesitate to bolt down the stairs and crash through the front door, the brisk, cold day smacking me in the face. I’m in Reeve’s arms before I can comprehend, his lips crashing down on my own while I tangle my hands in his hair.