I’m pulling up Ali’s number to dial him when the door buzzer rings. My stomach drops. I quickly make my way over and let whoever it is in without even checking. That’s how epically I feel I’ve fucked this all up. If it were a murderer I was letting in, I’d probably just let them kill me to avoid facing everyone.
I let out a breath, walking toward the door to face the music. I open it just as Ali appears in front of me, surprisingly with no one else in tow.
His hands come to my face instantly before he checks me over to ensure I’m not hurt.
“Ali, I’m okay,” I tell him, stepping away and into the flat so the entire hall doesn’t hear what I’m assuming will be a confrontation.
“Jesus, Emilia, where were you this morning? Do you know how worried we’ve all been?”
His eyes are wide, hair slightly disheveled, as if perhaps he has run his fingers through it one too many times. I can see him doing it now.
“I slept in,” I tell him weakly, the words sounding pathetic against my lips.
Brows drawn together, he eyes the flat before his gaze lands on the discarded wine bottles on the ground.
“What the hell, Em?” He gestures to the scene of the crime as shame creeps up on me. Not for drinking or even missing an alarm, but for doing it on a day that mattered and then scaring the hell out of my brother, who has had enough trauma and foreboding phone calls for a lifetime. Us Ronans value respect, but more than that, we value family.
“Do you know how worried we’ve all been?”
“I’m sorry, Ali. It was a total accident. I, uh… I…” I pause, unsure how to even explain it.
Tears fill my vision, so I redirect my gaze to the ground. Making Ali feel guilty isn’t on today’s agenda. I know how pissed I’d be if he did this to me. This is out of character for me, so it’s only understandable that Ali thought the absolute worst.
“I’ll call Evie and explain. I promise, I’ll make it up to her.”
I sniff a few times before daring to look up at my brother, feeling like a small child again.
The look of anguish on his face morphs, and he walks over to me and pulls me into him. He hugs me like he used to when I was sixteen and woke up every morning in tears at the reality that our parents were not ever coming home.
It sets off an absolute floodgate, because I can’t seem to keep it together as my arms wrap around him.
“I’m really sorry, Ali,” I say through hiccups. “I never meant to scare you.”
He looks me over, his gaze prodding. “Am I missing something, Emilia? What’s going on? This isn’t like you at all.”
I shake my head. “It’s nothing. I just had a few drinks with Cora and time got away from me. It was a one-time mistake, that’s all.” The lie isn’t easy, and it definitely doesn’t come naturally, but I don’t know what else to do. If I tell the truth now, not only will I be betraying Reeve, but who knows how Ali would react.
“Are you sure, Em?” Doubt colors his tone, but I know him, and he won’t push this. Not until he thinks it’s the last resort.
I nod into him, giving myself a few seconds to calm down before pulling away.
“I should call the girls, let them know you’re okay,” he replies, taking out his phone.
“I’ll go by Evie’s after I shower,” I tell him, both of us walking to the door. “Again, Ali, I’m really sorry I scared you.”
Turning to me, he nods. “I’ll see you later, Em.”
He gives me one final hug before exiting the flat, the feelings of dread in my stomach only increasing with every step he takes away from me.
I shut the door, then rest my back against it before sinking to the floor. I let the tears fall for a few moments. Guilt for disappointing Ali and Evie, for letting them down, for scaring them. For letting the situation with Reeve consume me until I made a poor choice that impacted other people. This isn’t who I am. I may not be the most cautious person, and sometimes I make rash decisions, but never anything like this.
After taking in a few breaths, I stand up just as the buzzer goes off. Assuming it’s Ali, I let him in, then go back to the front door. I feel even worse when I spot Reeve, his face tight and body rigid.
“I just saw your brother outside,” he says, coming to stop in front of me. His black boots almost touch my bare toes as I look up at him. His face softens when he sees I’ve been crying. I don’t have a second to process when his arms come around me and he buries his head in my neck.
“Fuck, Emilia. Don’t ever scare us like that again. We all thought the worst when you didn’t answer your phone. I thought the worst.”
I swallow a few times, my limp arms that hang at my sides slowly linking around him in comfort.
“I had a few too many glasses of wine last night with Cora, and I accidentally slept in. I’m sorry,” I whisper, the weight of today’s emotions crushing.
He pulls back, his hand coming to cup my face. “You know that shit doesn’t matter. If you want to have ten bottles of wine I couldn’t care less, but please turn your bloody phone on next time to save us all from having a heart attack.”
I try to smile at him, but I know it doesn’t come off properly, so instead I nod like an obedient child, something I’ve been doing a lot of this morning. I guess when you act like a baby, you get treated like one.
“I will,” I promise him. Pulling back, I rest my hand upon the door for slight stability. “I told Ali I would go see Evie, you know, apologize and stuff.”
He looks at me, nodding.
I dart my gaze around, not wanting to make it obvious to him that I need to be alone. “I’m sure I smell like a winery, so I’m going to shower, but I’ll call you later?”
His smile is tight, but he accepts it, leaning in to kiss me briefly before walking away.
I watch his figure retreating until he’s out of the building, and then I run to my bathroom and throw up again. I give myself ten minutes on the bathroom floor before heaving myself into the shower.
Forty minutes later I look semi-acceptable, opting to forgo any heavy makeup today. After grabbing half a dozen cupcakes and some flowers, I make the trip to Evie’s house, knowing that she is not only the person I need to apologize to the most, but also the person I need to confide in. Because if there is one thing Evie is skilled in more than anyone, it’s life and all the shit it throws at you.
The walk up to Evie’s flat is long and dreaded. Memories of our relationship over the past seven years flash through my mind. Times when Evie was the surrogate mum I needed more than I ever knew at the time.
Growing up, I always knew Evie as Owen’s supermom of a mother. Her husband passed when Owen was an infant, and then she fell pregnant with Owen’s younger brother, Hugo, when Owen was ten. She raised both boys on her own while maintaining a job as a family lawyer, where she eventually met Steve.
I didn’t know much of Evie personally growing up, only that my parents admired her and she would come around to collect Owen from practice. Owen played a huge part in raising Hugo, so I can see why Lottie relied so heavily on him during the first few months of her pregnancy.
It wasn’t until the deaths of both my parents that I really got to know Evie. Despite raising two young men and holding down a steady job and household, Evie was the one who stopped by weekly with dinners, who refused to let me spend my first Christmas in isolation, and who after months of sadness, forced us both to her house every Sunday for a family roast. And so, it makes it all that much more hurtful that it was Evie I let down this morning with my absolute carelessness.