I approach her door and knock three times, then hear her call out from inside. Although Evie has been gone most of the past year, traveling with Steve, she’s been back more than a month and I’ve only seen her once. A relationship is a two-way street, and unfortunately, I stopped driving down ours lately.
My lips are smashed together while I rock back and forth on my heels, waiting for the door to open. It’s fucking freezing, and not wearing gloves was a definite error on my part, but I think a small portion of my mind was trying to punish myself.
As soon as the door swings open, I release a breath I had long been holding, the shadows of it dancing in front of me due to the chill.
Instead of yelling, scolding me for scaring the hell out of everyone and ruining her birthday, Evie takes one look at me, gloveless and all, before grabbing me by the hand and pulling me inside.
Once I’m standing in her small hallway lined with mismatched photo frames and pictures from throughout all the years I’ve known her, and the decades before, she pulls me into her chest, her soft arms holding me close.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper into her hair, Evie only a few inches taller than me. “I’m sorry for not showing up and having you so worried.” I pull back, blinking, before handing her the flowers and cupcakes, my attempt at a peace offering. But Evie, being Evie, doesn’t need any of that.
“Oh, my girl, I could never be mad at you. I’m just glad you’re okay. Not showing up isn’t like you, so I was more worried than anything.” Her voice is like honey as the words leave her mouth, each one smooth and comforting.
She smiles at me, the slight lines next to her eyes creasing. Her cat-shaped eyeglasses sit atop her blonde hair, her calming blue eyes the spitting image of Owen’s.
“I’ve just put the kettle on. My gut told me you’d be arriving any second.”
Without anther word, she spins around and leads me into the small sitting room filled with mismatched knickknacks and a few of my own pieces of art I’ve given her over the years. The fact that they mean enough to her to hang proudly in her living room tells me all I need to know about Evie’s heart.
“Why don’t you sit?” I ask her. “I’ll get us a cuppa.”
She dismisses me with a wave, telling me to plant my arse on the couch before disappearing into the small kitchen. I don’t want to piss her off, so I quickly sit myself down, then open up the cupcakes so she can take her pick. I already know the dulce de leche will be her favorite, but just in case, an assortment of chocolate, vanilla, and red velvet give her other options.
After returning with our tea, she plops down next to me, pours the hot liquid into our teacups, and adds a dash of milk and two sugars. I motion to the cupcakes, and she goes straight for the one I knew she would. Finally, all situated, she turns to me, back to business. “Now, Emmy,” she says, “tell me what’s going on.”
I close my eyes, not even sure where to begin. Do I tell her everything? Can I even lie to her?
Opening up, I turn to face her, knowing with one look that there’s no way I could bullshit her. I mean, I’m not even sure there’s a soul in all of England who could pull the wool over her eyes.
“I’ve messed up,” I say, the words spilling out of me. “I feel like everything is spinning out of control and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“Tell me everything, Emilia, and don’t leave anything out.”
I nod, deciding to lay everything on the table, knowing if any person can help, it’s her. And so I tell her, the whole story spewing out of my mouth uncontrollably and probably sounding a whole lot mad.
“I’m sort of seeing Reeve, but you see, no one knows because when we started, we agreed to keep it between us for a while, just so we knew for sure we weren’t making a mistake, because of course if it all went to shit and we had told everyone, then people would have to take sides and obviously Ali and the girls would stick with me and deep down I was so scared Reeve would be left alone again, just like he was when his dad left him. And it was working initially but as time went on, I knew I wanted it to be real, you know? Like real, where everyone knows because I hate lying and I hate keeping secrets, but I’m still scared about things going wrong, or even if Reeve isn’t ready and I push him too soon. Plus, he’s been really distant lately because of everything going on at his home, and oh, Evie, I do want to tell you, but I can’t betray his trust, but I can tell it’s weighing heavily on him, and then the other night he said he didn’t know if he wanted kids and it’s just left me so unsure and so confused.
“And then there is everything with work, there is so much pressure with this new client I’ve secured and I just feel like I’m going to stuff it all up, like the entire thing is just this big windup and any second they will sack me and it will all be over. And did I mention how guilty I feel? The guilt of lying to everyone is just eating away at me. And last night it was all too much, so I came home and drank two bottles of wine and then passed out and missed your birthday.” I take in a massive breath, feeling as though I’ve just said it all with one long-ass sentence that is sure to wind me.
I risk looking at Evie, who is just sitting there, face still neutral as she processes before she begins to nod, her hand coming to rest on my thigh.
“That is a lot of emotion and pain for one person to be dealing with.” Having a sip of tea, she takes her time, radiating everything I’m currently not.
“I just don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt so out of control.”
“Let’s look at it, one thing at a time, shall we?”
I nod, my body suddenly incapable of even speaking I’m so exhausted.
“So, Reeve Sawyer, hey?” She laughs softly, not cruel or taunting, but more impressed I dare say? “I wasn’t sure the boy would ever get balls to make his move with you, Emilia.”
My eyes widen. “Evie!”
She waves a hand, unfazed. “You will grow to know these things with age and experience, but it wasn’t ever hard for me to see the connection between the two of you. Reeve was always watching when he thought no one was around, always there to comfort you, make sure you were okay. I can see, though, with time, the roles between the two of you have shifted, with you now being the sole gatekeeper of his feelings.”
“I just didn’t think it was going to be this hard, you know?”
“Is the secret keeping the hard part?”
I look her in the eye, nodding. “I’m just not sure if it’s the secret keeping from the others or the secrets I feel like he’s keeping from me about his family.”
“Well then, Emmy, I think it’s clear that there is only one way to fix this situation you’ve found yourself in. And I think you know deep down what it is.”
I bite the inside of my mouth, nodding. Evie says nothing, just stares at me as if waiting for me to say the answer aloud. That’s the thing with Evie—she will always give advice, but never directly tell you all you must do. It’s as if she knows we need to come to these realizations on our own.
“I think I’m scared,” I whisper, my gaze directed at the floral carpet. “I think I’m scared if I’m honest with Reeve, everything might fall apart.”