I could only lie there quietly and stare up at Sax as he muttered the hateful words in the coldest, most unfeeling voice I'd ever heard him use. The fact that he believed what he was saying tore me up inside. I'd hurt him terribly with my actions, when at the time I'd genuinely thought that I was saving him. I knew now that I’d made a mistake in believing that. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying or making it worse by reacting out of desperation. Now wasn't the time to try and make him understand why I'd done what I'd done.
That was a long way off.
Chapter 6
Sax
I wasn't proud of how I'd used Holly and then walked away, treating her no better than a club whore. My anger and confusion over what had happened to us was turning me into a man that I barely recognized, at least where she was concerned. If her attack had been the reason that she’d left, I would have given her forever to heal and come to grips with it. The rage that I’d felt when it happened had been directed at the fucking bastards and my own inability to protect her, and not at Holly.
Junior, the little fucker, had had us all fooled, and we'd never seen his betrayal coming.
Tamara, who’d been a club whore for years, had fooled us, too. She'd been the bitch who'd betrayed Holly, Raven, and Bobbie on the day they'd been kidnapped, tipping Junior off to their whereabouts. She was the reason they'd been taken from the salon by Junior's hired mercenaries.
I wished that I could kill them both all over again.
Fuck. I wished that none of it had ever happened in the first place.
Annabelle came down the stairs carrying Ava. She was cooing and smiling down at the baby as if the kid were her own. I'd noticed that about her, that she loved children, that she was good with them. I'd heard that she was with Jolene's brother, Danny, now. Apparently, Demon had him on some kind of probation and was watching closely how he treated his sister. If that was true, I doubted that they'd even fucked yet.
The club had gone through some changes while I'd been gone, nothing surprising. Demon had talked about starting up a chapter in Las Vegas when we'd picked up a huge construction contract there, and since I’d been gone he’d put that plan in place. Many of our brothers had relocated there for the work, and LD had been a shoe-in for the new chapter’s president. He could be just as ruthless and dangerous as Demon. He'd always been a scary fuck, but the edges were softer now that he had a woman.
My gaze followed Annabelle as she sat at the table where Bobbie and Raven were having breakfast. The women immediately began to do that mushy cooing shit that women did when there was a baby close by. As they passed Ava around, I caught a better glimpse of her than I had when she'd been sucking at Holly's tit the day before. She had a lot of hair and big brown eyes, and right now she had a big smile on her face as she was fussed over. I could see Holly in her pale, chubby, little face, and around her nose and mouth. But there was someone else there, too, in the eyes, something that struck a familiar cord that I couldn’t put my finger on.
I wondered which one of my brothers Ava resembled, and then quickly shook the thought away. I trusted my brothers. When had I stopped trusting Holly? Christ, I didn't like the feeling that left in my gut. I'd accused her of fucking around on me. If I hadn't been so fucking blind with hurt over her leaving me, maybe I would have been able to accept the idea that her pregnancy had been the product of rape.
But that only explained how she’d gotten pregnant, not why she’d left, and I couldn't shake the thought that something about the situation didn't add up. In all the years that we'd been together, she'd never gotten pregnant. Why now? No, there was something Holly wasn't telling me. Why the fuck was I sitting here stewing over it? Would the truth change anything?
Ava's happy squeal brought me back to the here and now. Holly was coming down the stairs, and the kid had obviously caught sight of her mother. My eyes ate Holly up, noticing again how motherhood had filled out her luscious curves. Her tits stretched the t-shirt she had on and bounced with every step she made as she came down. Damn, she might not be mine anymore, but that didn't stop my dick from standing up and taking notice of her fine ass.
I recalled the hours before when I'd gone to her room. I'd fucked her good and hard, maybe too roughly. But she wasn’t walking like her ass was sore. Her gaze flickered to me, and I smirked when her cheeks turned pink, just like they’d done when she was younger and we'd first got together.
That's right, Baby. I reamed your ass out good and filled it with cum.
I wasn't going to apologize for that. I'd do it again if the opportunity presented itself, that's why I'd warned her to stay away from me. I knew that I couldn't keep my hands off of Holly. Seeing her again after all this time only proved how much I still wanted her.
After her initial stumble at the sight of me, she pulled herself together and reached for her daughter. The kid squealed louder, wrapping her little arms around Holly's neck and giving her an open mouthed kiss on the chin. I had to fight back a grin as Ava sucked Holly's chin into her mouth. Watching Holly's beautiful face soften with love for her daughter did something to me that I couldn't explain, and I had to look away. I was overwhelmed with feelings of loss and regret that I couldn't deal with right now.
I pushed my half-eaten breakfast away and picked up my coffee cup.
"Church, Brother," Loco announced as he continued past me without stopping.
It was then that I noticed that others were already making their way in the direction of the room where we held church. "Coming, man." I noticed Holly glance my way as I was getting up, but the second our eyes met she quickly looked away.
I hoped that she was gone by the time I came back out.
Demon was already at the head of the table when I entered church. I returned welcome home pats on the back as I made my way through the room. Cole took his spot next to Demon on one side, and Oz was seated on the other. Cole motioned for me to sit next to him. I frowned, wondering what was up. That spot was usually saved for the VP, and I realized at that moment that Demon hadn't mentioned if the club had voted in a new vice president to replace LD once he’d become president of the new Las Vegas chapter.
"What's up, Brother?" I sank down into the chair that he pulled out for me.
He shrugged, grinning. "May as well take the VP's chair since we don't have one yet."
"And why is that? Fuck, it's been months." That should have been the first order of business once LD left for Vegas. In fact, I was surprised that Cole hadn't moved into the position.
Demon's sharp, commanding voice kept Cole from responding.
"Listen up, Brothers!"
The room quieted down, and all eyes moved in his direction. He looked my way. "We've been waiting for your ass to come back home, Brother. Hope you beat down whatever demons you were chasing."
I didn't know about that. I hadn't expected to see Holly again, and so soon after getting back. "I can handle them," I said instead. "I'm good, Prez. Demons won't get in the way of my duties."
Demon nodded, satisfied with my answer, even though I suspected that he didn't believe me. "Glad to hear you say that."