‘Wow. This is gorgeous,’ I said, slightly emotional. ‘Although I don’t have much to autograph.’
‘…yet,’ said Sven. ‘Something tells me this won’t be the case next year.’
‘Do you know something I don’t?’ I asked.
‘I believe in you,’ he said, while giving me a pat on the back.
‘Jesus Lord, what is this cheese-fest you two?’ said Sara, poking fun.
I laughed, then looked around myself. I was surrounded by people who genuinely loved me. My father never accepted me, but these people welcomed me with open arms and supported me throughout some difficult years.
I was the lucky one.
Shopping after Christmas was a little ritual of mine. I was a firm people hater, but nothing would get me hyped up as much as pushing a little bitchy gay from the thirty-inch waist section of the sales corner at Topman. Sara had fought hard for over an hour in the ladies’ department. We were both Internet shoppers, but I was in need of an outfit for New Year’s Eve. Sara and I had planned to go to one of those swanky Essex-like parties on a boat in Canary Wharf. It was organised by a client at her firm, so we would hopefully receive some perks, because so far it cost me £100 just to be able to get in. I wasn’t mad. I had raised enough funds to be able to have at least a little fun. My tickets for both Ibiza and Santorini were booked. I only had to get a hotel room for the wedding. I’d wait until my trip to Prague with Jimmy. Also, I wasn’t sure whether Duncan would want to perhaps share a room. We had messaged each day since Christmas. I wanted to kiss him again. One wasn’t enough. I wanted to do it all the time.
Jimmy would be my last job. I was sick and tired of being other men’s property, no matter the price. I wanted to go on a normal date; I wanted to offer to pay for dinner. I wanted to put my arm over my man with pride. I wanted to have selfies of us on my phone, which I’d look at during my work commute, and smile. I wanted all that, and it wouldn’t have been possible with my whoring around the city of London on my days off.
Duncan was going to be there. He would be flying back from Edinburgh and coming directly to the party. I was excited to see him. I was excited to kiss him at midnight.
Sara finally found me in the sea of last-minute suit shoppers.
‘There you are,’ she panted. ‘There’s no signal here, and I couldn’t find you. I thought you had left!’
‘I can’t leave until I find something decent.’
‘How hard can it be? It’s a suit. They’re hardly different from each other.’
‘What about colour?’
‘It’s going to be fucking dark. Just pick one.’
‘I want something festive!’ I said, while doing jazz hands.
‘Why do you do that? It creeps me out.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Plus, knowing you, you’ll be out of it before you know it, as soon as Duncan shows up.’
‘Ha, I’m a slut. How funny.’
‘No, I think he is.’
‘Oh, don’t tell me that.’
‘I’m joking,’ she said. Then she grabbed a midnight blue jacket, with a satin lapel. ‘What’s wrong with this?’
‘Nothing?’ I said, while touching it sensually.
‘Do you want two minutes alone with it?’
‘No, it’s perfect. How did I not see it?’
‘I find perfection amongst trash. It’s what I do.’
‘Is that why you don’t have a wedding dress yet?’
‘It’s all trash, hun. Fucking trash all around. I’ll get married in jeans.’
‘I think your Catholic mum would have a stroke.’
‘Yeah, but think of all the jewellery I’d have access to.’
‘Don’t joke about that,’ I chortled.
‘I kid, I kid,’ she said while looking at her phone. ‘Crap. I forgot I had a nail appointment.’
‘Are you going to be late?’ I asked, still holding the jacket.
‘Not if I leave now. Will you be alright on your own? And you should get that.’
‘I’ll be fine, go.’
‘Okay, I love you,’ she said while giving me a kiss on the cheek. ‘I will see you later all dolled up.’
She left in a hurry, and I was stuck by myself in the store. I checked the price tag, and it was still £200. Would it be worth buying it? I’d probably only wear it once. It also reminded me of a Dior suit we carried at work. Maybe I could get that one. The shirt was extremely easy to get out.
I could probably work in the store for a few hours with the excuse of helping them out with the mob of people last-minute shopping for New Year’s Eve.
How would I get a suit out, though?
I was pondering.
I was scheming.
It didn’t take long for me to make that decision. The shop was starving for help, especially at the back of the house where everything was a mess. That was exactly where I wanted to go. I was surrounded by clothes that didn’t have security tags, thanks to my meticulous work. I had to be quick, but also act as nonchalant as possible. People do not normally think that others who are perfectly calm and confident are doing anything wrong. The suit I had chosen was beautiful. This one had a satin lapel, but it also had a silver line underneath, so it would shine when reflecting light. The suit was nearly two grand. I couldn’t even remotely imagine spending that. Ever.
The jacket fit me divinely.
There were still a few people in the shop, but it was already closing time. I quickly hung the suit in a fitting room and closed the door. That was the first step. I power walked to the managers’ office to grab my backpack and my winter coat.
‘Leo, you’re still here!’ Katherine blurted as soon as I got into the office.
‘Yeah, I got sucked in with all the people buying stuff and I had to stay extra.’
‘Thank you for coming in today! It actually helped us so much.’
And, of course, this would be the only time in over a year that I would receive some sort of gratitude for doing my job. The day I had decided to jeopardise it and get arrested.
‘No worries. Hey, I’m running a bit late for the party I am going to tonight. Do you mind if I get changed into my outfit in a fitting room? I have no time to get home.’
‘Yeah, absolutely,’ she said with an uncharacteristic smile. ‘I’ll be doing the same. And my hair and make-up. It’s the retail life.’
‘Thank you. And Happy New Year!’ I said with a big fake smile.
I quickly got into the fitting room with my suit and put it on as quickly as possible. I was shitting myself. My face felt like it was on fire and my whole body was shaking.
Too late to go back.
I put my winter coat over the suit and quickly left the then empty shop floor.
I walked up the stairs to reach the employee exit. I quickly clocked out and greeted the security guards. I was almost out of the building.
Then the horror.
The alarm was triggered as soon as I walked past the detectors.
Fuck.
Once again, I was internally screaming, all while my whole skin felt like it was getting barbecued.
‘Was it me?’ I asked, trying to play dumb.