She waves K.T. over to us and then sighs happily. "Well, I'm sure you've heard by now that Thom asked me to marry him." She holds out her hand and we make the appropriately impressed girl noises over the size of the ring she's sporting. It really is pretty, and it suits her.
"Lily was there for the whole thing. She took some great pictures of the two of us at that very moment." Her eyes shift over to meet mine again. "Thank you."
Yes, this is definitely what I love about my job. When I get it right for someone, there's no better feeling in the world. At least for where I'm at in my life right now. Better not to think about how much bigger my dreams are than where I currently am.
"I'm glad I could be there." It's the truth too. It's a privilege for me to see who people really are, and that's what art does. It strips away the layers to whatever is underneath, and to me, the realness there is always beautiful.
"Now, why don't you tell her about you and Daniels. Or do you need me to do it?" K.T. plops down next to me and gives me a flat, toothy smile that reminds me of a shark. She's just plain bad at friendliness. As anyone could see by the way that she's forcing me to cough up the details of the kiss I shared with He Who Shall Not Be Named.
"There's nothing to tell," I say airily, then promptly put a giant bite of food in my mouth so I don't say anything incriminating. I don't want to get called out by K.T., who undoubtedly saw me trying to dry hump him all the way through her bar counter earlier, much to my humiliation.
K.T. pounds the bar with a fist. “There’s no lying at Girl Club. Keep the fake stuff for out there in the rest of the world.”
“Girl Club? What are you talking about?” My hands are skittering nervously across the bar top now.
“I’m talking about a safe place for you to have female friends. You, me, and Darcy. Membership to be amended as needed.” She waves her hand between us. “Girl Club.”
Darcy’s eyebrows rise. “Are there rules to Girl Club?”
K.T. gives us another sharp looking smile. “The first rule of Girl Club is we don’t talk about Girl Club.”
At that, I laugh. “Okay weirdo.” Eep. Did I really call K.T. a weirdo right now? Better to shove a big bite of megaburger in my mouth and pretend like that didn’t happen.
Darcy leans toward me and snags a few more fries. “She’s the biggest weirdo, isn’t she? But I do like the idea of us having Girl Club.”
K.T. leans toward us and eats some of the fries too. “You’re the one sucking face with Daniels and you’re calling me a weirdo?”
Darcy's eyes light up with interest. "Oh? You and Daniels? Well I could tell he was laying it on real heavy with you, but I guess I figured you wouldn't be interested in a clown like him."
I squirm uncomfortably at the question, but can't really answer because I'm stuck chewing for the next few months. Why did I take such a giant bite of my burger? Any minute now, one of these two beautiful girls is going to make some nasty remark to me about eating and I'm really going to lose my little tiny remaining composure and probably cry right here in public.
Darcy's not watching me eat though. She's lost in thought. Instead, she hums and taps her pretty chin with one long finger. "Did I ever tell you about the time that Daniels photocopied his ass and then papered my locker with the picture?"
I manage not to die from choking on the food I'm trying to swallow, but it's a close call. "No Darcy. You definitely didn't tell me about Daniels putting a bunch of pictures of his ass all over your locker." My pulse is racing. Was he wearing pants when he photocopied his ass?
Probably not, and the very idea of seeing Ken Daniels' butt is enough to give me a pang of longing right in my lady business.
I'll bet his naked ass is a miracle.
She shrugs. "It even showed his freaking grundle." Her entire face pinches up and she shivers. "Horrible."
K.T. almost falls off her seat she's cackling so hard. When she straightens back up, there are actual tears in her eyes. From laughing about Daniels' grundle. Speaking of which, I'd better go ahead and ask now. Loudly, so I can be heard over the heavy metal that’s playing.
"Um, what's a grundle?"
Both women look at me for a moment, the pause in the aftermath of my awkward question makes the very air around us feels super awkward plus.
Darcy takes a deep breath. "Well Lily, a grundle is another name for the taint." She nods and then waits for me to respond. Well, here we go.
"Okay. And what's that?"
K.T. stands up and reaches over the bar to grab a beer. "I'm definitely going to need a drink for this one."
Darcy leans past me and swats at her. "You stop that. Lily's not like us. She's a nice girl. I wish I didn't know what those words mean either, but I work with a bunch of wild animals at the station. So yeah."
She looks at me and squares her shoulders, like she's getting ready to give me some terrible, earth-shattering news. I put down the fry I'm eating and focus on her face.
"The grundle or taint is a name for a place on a man's body. Between his balls and his butthole." She flinches a little when she says it.
I'm sure I look shell-shocked, and I'm definitely itchy and blushing. Again. Gah. I can't seem to help it today. Or any other day really.
"Why is that even a thing? Why does it have a name?" I ask helplessly, my eyes moving from Darcy to K.T.
K.T. shrugs. "You've got that same expanse of skin. It's no big deal."
My hand flies up to my mouth. "I do not have a set of balls. No way. I don't have a taint or a grundle. Ick."
At this, K.T. actually does fall over from laughing. Well, good. Because otherwise I might have to smack her.
Darcy gives me a small, very apologetic looking smile. "Just because you've never sat on a copier and made a few hundred copies of it doesn't mean it's not there. You need to get a hand mirror—"
At that, K.T. lets out a yelp of laughter that sounds even louder because the heavy metal she'd started on the jukebox finally cuts off. And that's it. I kick at her with my pointy-toed boot, but she's wriggling all over the floor so I miss.
"A hand mirror," she finally snorts out. "A freaking hand mirror." She wipes her eyes. "I swear. I couldn't make this up. I can't wait to tell Reed later—"
This time it's Darcy who takes a kick at her. Unlike me, she doesn't miss.
"You stop that right now. Whatever happens in Girl Club stays in Girl Club."
I pause and look at Darcy. "Does this mean we're friends for real now?"
K.T. rubs her shin, but still manages an epic eye roll. "Obviously, Sherlock Holmes. Now let's figure out how to get Daniels to pull his head out of his ass and give you another of those epic inferno kisses."
Darcy's eyes latch onto mine. "Epic inferno? I've got to hear this."
I know I'm blushing again, but I almost feel excited about telling her. At least about the kissing the hot guy part. And maybe these two can help me figure out how to make it happen again, but this time with less jerk involved.
Ken