“Losing your child is unlike anything else. People offer advice, and they tell you cliché quotes. But I can tell you from experience, time is not going to heal this wound. I’ve just learned to breathe around the hole in my heart. The guilt never goes away, as if I had a hand in Hannah’s death. I know I didn’t, logically, but still. I was blessed with a daughter three years later, and I still wonder, why couldn’t Hannah have lived too? What could I have done differently?”
Jennifer pushes up her sleeve to reveal a beautiful tattoo of two flowers on her forearm. “I got this Sweet Pea for my daughter and this Forget-Me-Not for my Hannah in heaven. It serves as a reminder that life is precious.”
Melissa leans over and pulls Jennifer into an embrace. Carrie passes the tissue box around the circle since there isn’t a dry eye in the place now.
And my mind drifts to Cole.
I don’t know his story. I don’t know what he’s been through. But if it’s anything like Jennifer just described, then I don’t know how he’s burying it inside like he is.
At the end of group, as I’m getting ready to leave, a young woman with dark curly hair approaches me. “Hi, Callie. I’m Jasmine.”
“Hi, Jasmine. It’s so nice to meet you.”
She fidgets with the strap of her purse on her shoulder. “I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story with us. I haven’t felt ready to share mine yet.”
I give her shoulder a squeeze. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready.”
Her brown eyes fill with tears. “I’ve been trying to have a baby for five years, so I can relate to what you’re going through. It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize that your dreams won’t come true like everyone else’s.”
I want to offer her hope, to say something that will lift her spirits. But I know from experience that it won’t help. Jasmine may never have the child she wants.
And neither will I.
“I’m sorry,” she says, wiping her eyes. “I didn’t mean to unload that on you.”
“No, no. It’s okay. I’m glad you did. It helps, talking to someone who understands what you’re going through.”
Chelsea joins us with her phone in hand. “We should all exchange numbers. I’m an army wife, so I’m new to the area. I could use some friends here.”
“Absolutely,” I say.
Although I leave carrying the heavy weight of the women’s stories, I feel lighter after unloading mine.
And a small, broken piece of me snaps back together.
Twenty-One
Cole
“Go, go, go!”
Miles sprints across the yard and dives behind the side of the pool house.
“Nice footwork, Mayhem.” I clap him on the back.
“Thanks, Night Hawk.”
Callie stifles a laugh.
I lift my eyebrows, feigning offense. “Are you laughing at my code name?”
She covers her mouth with her hand as her shoulders shake. “No. Not at all.”
“You’re one to talk, Wonder Woman. Real original.”
Her eyes go wide. “What’s wrong with Wonder Woman? She’s awesome.”
“Guys, focus!” Miles points his index and middle fingers at his own eyes and then faces them toward the yard. “They’re coming.”
I crouch down and peek my head out from behind the corner of the pool house. Brandon and several of his friends are hiding behind a nearby tree.
Miles’ friend, Jason, whispers, “What should we do?”
“Get your squirt guns ready.”
Callie and the boys pump their guns and take aim at the tree.
“I’m going to run,” I say, “and when I do, I want you guys to rain down on those boys with everything you’ve got.”
Miles narrows his eyes. “Copy that, Night Hawk.”
Callie cracks up again.
“Screw you, Wonder Woman.” But my lips are tipped up into a smile.
I give the boys a silent countdown with my fingers, and then I take off running in plain sight.
Brandon and his friends charge after me, spraying me in the back with their water guns.
“Yeah! We got you, Uncle Cole!”
But Callie, Miles, and Jason are right behind them.
“Now!” I shout.
Brandon and his friends get blasted with water.
Miles does a victory dance. “We win! We win!”
Brandon ruffles his brother’s hair. “I want a rematch.”
“Why don’t we up the ante,” Callie says. “Kids versus grown-ups.”
Brandon and Miles look at each other and grin. “You’re on!”
Callie squeals as I grab her hand, and we run for the nearest tree.
“I have a plan.” Callie scans the yard and spots the boys huddled behind a bush. “We’re going to rush them.”
I lift an eyebrow. “You want to let them win?”
“Trust me.” She winks. “Follow my lead, Night Hawk.”
I do my best to follow her without gawking. She’s in a yellow two-piece, leaving little to my imagination. She has the perfect hourglass figure, curves in all the right places.
“You ready?”
I clear my throat and nod.
Good thing I’m wearing sunglasses.
Callie drops her water gun onto the grass and runs out from behind the tree. I follow suit, wondering what she’s going to do next.
The boys fly around the pool house, squirting the both of us, and they stop to high five each other.
But Callie doesn’t stop running.
She hoists Miles into her arms and makes a beeline for the pool.
Brandon’s mouth drops open when he realizes that I’m running at him full-speed. He spins around and attempts to run away, but I catch him and toss him over my shoulder.
Callie jumps into the pool with Miles in her arms, and I do the same with Brandon. Their friends jump in after us, everyone laughing and cheering.
“Good plan, Wonder Woman.”
Callie slaps her palm against mine and brushes her wet hair off her forehead. “Now I look like a drowned rat. Should’ve thought that idea through.”
You look beautiful. “You’re having more fun than those trophy wives out there.”
Callie grins. “Yeah, I am.”
Josie saunters over to us, using her hand as a visor over her eyes. “You two going to come join the adults for a while or what?”
I grimace. “I’m good.”
She plants her hands on her hips. “Just let me introduce you to some of my friends. They’re asking about you, and I don’t want them to think you’re being rude.”
I hike a shoulder. “Don’t really care what they think of me.”
“I do.”
Callie makes her way to the steps. “Come on, Cole. If I have to be subjected to trophy-wife torture, then so do you.”
I grit my teeth. “Fine. But I’m not sitting next to Brenda and her geriatric husband.”
“Cole,” Josie hisses. “They’ll hear you.”
“I’ll say it louder so they do.” I cup my hands around my mouth and pretend like I’m going to shout their names.