Josie elbows me in the stomach. “Don’t you dare.”
I wrap my arm around the back of her neck and dig my knuckles into the crown of her head. “Don’t start something you can’t finish, big sis.”
She shrieks. “You’re getting me all wet, you jerk!”
I let her go with a shove. “Ah, it’s just water.”
Callie laughs. “You two must’ve been such a handful growing up.”
“You have no idea.” I shake my hair out and towel off. “She used to terrorize me.”
Josie scoffs. “Yeah, until you had your growth spurt.”
“Payback’s a bitch.”
Josie sticks her tongue out at me. “Come on. Let’s go sit by the table.”
I’m subjected to introductions and meaningless conversations for the next hour. The only thing that keeps me invested is Callie. She’s quiet until she has something to say, something of value, and when she does, I listen with rapt attention.
My mother always used to say that people should talk less and listen more. I think she would’ve really liked Callie.
I really like Callie.
My stomach, jaw, and hands clench at the same time, as if my body can restrain this feeling to keep it from seeping out. I’m a prisoner in my own mind, daydreaming of the things I could have if my life had gone differently. If I’d made better choices.
Maybe Callie is here to serve as my punishment. The thing I want that I can never have.
At that thought, I push back from the table and head back to the pool house. I gave Josie what she wanted. Now I just want to be alone.
After several minutes, there’s a knock on my door.
Callie’s standing on the other side of it.
She’s wearing a sheer black cover-up “What are you doing in here?”
I war with what to say.
I can’t stop staring at you.
I want to hold you and bear the weight of your pain.
You make me feel things I shouldn’t.
I need to stay away from you in that bathing suit so I don’t pounce on you like a jungle cat.
No, the truth won’t go over so well.
“Just needed to get away. I don’t exactly fit in out there.”
She glances over her shoulder at the couples and their children. “I get that.”
“Want to come in? We can hide out together.”
“Sure.”
“I don’t have much to offer you in here. I’ve got water, beer, and some cereal.”
She laughs as she steps inside. “I’m good, thanks.”
I watch her as she makes a slow circle around the room. Her eyes bounce around from the bookcase to the flat screen mounted onto the wall, landing on the stack of cardboard boxes in the corner.
“Your things are still in boxes.”
I shrug and take a swig of beer. “No point in unpacking. I don’t plan on staying.”
She frowns as if that news upsets her. “Where will you go when you leave?”
“Not sure.”
“Do you think you’ll stay in California or go back to New York?”
“I miss New York, but I think I miss the way New York used to be. There’s nothing left for me to go back to.”
She hums. “I don’t know what I’m going to do either.”
“Do you ... do you think you’ll get back with Paul? Try to make things work?”
She turns around to face me, and I’m hit with the full weight of her green-eyed stare. “I met with a lawyer this morning.”
I can’t hide my surprise. “You did?”
“He’s one of Dan’s friends. He says he trusts him.”
I lean onto the back of the leather couch. “And how did that go?”
“It was overwhelming. I don’t want to drag this out or take Paul for all he’s worth. I just want to be happy. I want to be free.” She shrugs and looks out the window. “All this money, and it doesn’t mean a damn thing.”
“Money isn’t worth your happiness, but you should take whatever it is that Paul owes to you according to the law.”
She laughs a humorless laugh. “That’s not what your sister thinks.”
“Yeah, well, my sister thinks a lot of things for someone who’s never been in our shoes.”
Callie nods. “You and Gertie are the only ones I know who understand. It helps.”
“I’m glad.”
“I wish I could know what you’ve gone through,” she says quietly.
“Trust me, you don’t.”
“I keep wondering if it’s better or worse than what I’ve been coming up with in my head.”
“Why am I even a thought in your mind?”
She walks toward me and sits at the edge of the couch beside me. “It’s kind of like when someone has a secret, but they refuse to tell you what it is. So, you’re left speculating what the secret could be and wishing the person would just tell you so you didn’t have to wonder anymore.”
I smirk. “You’re just curious then?”
“I think it’s more than curiosity. I ... I’ve grown to care about you, Cole. You’ve shown me who you are over these past couple of months. I don’t see the same person you see when you look in the mirror.”
My heart wrenches with yearning. “Hearing the truth will change the way you see me.”
“Your mistakes don’t define you. It’s a chapter in your life, a part of the whole. All I can judge you on is what you’ve shown me.” Callie reaches out and caresses my jaw with the lightest, feathery touch. “And you’ve shown me nothing but a caring man with a huge heart.”
I want to believe her.
I want to lean into her touch.
Allow her to make the pain subside, even for just a moment.
Awareness spins around me, a mixture of lust and need. My fingers itch to get lost in her hair, my mouth craving the unknown taste of hers.
“Tell me,” she whispers. “Let me help you carry the weight of your burden like you’ve been helping me with mine.”
“It would crush you.”
“But it’s crushing you to bear it alone.”
I swallow, my throat dry and my voice hoarse. “I can take it. I deserve to.”
She shakes her head and lifts her other hand to my cheek, gripping my face in both hands so that all I can focus on is her.
As if I could see anything else while she’s in the room.
“No, Cole. You don’t deserve to live in hell any more than I do. I used to think I deserved it, but I’m learning that I don’t. What happened to us isn’t our fault, but what we choose to do with it after is up to us. I saw you laughing with your nephews earlier. Your smile took my breath away. You were happy once. You can find that again. You can feel it again.”
My body betrays me, acting on instinct without a second thought. My thumb slides over her bottom lip, and her eyes flutter closed.
I lean in close, so close that our noses touch. “What if I told you that I feel happy with you? Then what, hmm?”
“Cole, I—”
A knock on my door cuts off her words, causing us to jump apart from one another.
What the fuck am I doing?
Another knock. “Uncle Cole, are you in there? We’re going to light the candles and sing to Miles.”