I wink. “That’s the only way you should be thinking about it.”
I’m about to push open the door and leave, but then Callie throws her arms around my midsection. I’m filthy from work, but I don’t bother to tell her that. Instead, I snake one arm around to her back and one around to cradle the back of her head, holding her against my chest.
We both exhale, and I don’t know who needs this more. The angel caught up in chaos, or the demon searching for peace.
Her cheeks are flushed when she pulls away. “Sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me.”
I tip her chin up so her eyes meet mine. “Remember what I told you about apologizing.”
She laughs as she turns to walk back toward the kitchen. “I’ll work on that.”
“Hey, Callie.”
She spins around, a hopeful gleam in her eyes. “Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you.”
And then she dazzles me with the most brilliant smile I’ve ever seen. It steals my next breath right from my chest.
When I meet Billy outside—who no doubt just saw everything—he shakes his head and huffs out a laugh.
“What?” I ask, not really wanting to know what he’s about to say.
“Dude, you are so screwed.”
Twenty-Four
Callie
September comes and goes in the blink of an eye.
Lots of changes are in motion. Brandon and Miles are back in school. Josie enrolled the twins in daycare for three days a week. Warm summer nights have turned a bit chillier, though the days are just as hot.
Life moves on around me, but for once, I don’t feel stuck. I don’t feel like I’m trapped on the inside, watching everyone live and grow on the outside.
This time, I’m living and growing, too.
Paul has been served with a restraining order and divorce papers. I haven’t heard from him since the night at Josie’s last month. Part of me is surprised he hasn’t reached out to me. The other part is relieved. I try not to think about it too much. It makes me feel sad for the good pieces of our relationship that I’ve lost. The happy times we shared. The good news is he’s cooperating with my lawyer. Will said that normally it can take up to six months for a divorce to be finalized, but if Paul continues to comply, he can expedite the process so it’ll be over before that.
That’s all I want, to close that chapter of my life.
Despite what Josie and Cole think, I believe in my heart that Paul is not a monster. He’s not a bad person. He’s human. He has a problem, and I hope he seeks help for it. The hardest part of moving on hasn’t been forgiving Paul. I forgive him for his flaws.
But it’s been difficult learning how to forgive myself.
My days are spent at the diner. I love creating new dishes for customers to try, and I love talking with Gertie even more. She has become like family to me. In the evenings, I keep busy by going to therapy or group and spending time with Josie and the kids. Cole and I have been looking for apartments, but nothing has felt like the right place for either of us. Still, I enjoy our time together.
Cole and I have grown closer. I never would’ve guessed that the rude, scowling man in Josie’s backyard—who looked like the landscaper—would become such an important person in my life. Though he denies it, he has a heart of gold. I’ve seen it. I’ve been on the receiving end of his kind and gentle nature.
If only he’d face what he’s running from.
I know he’s tortured by something. Something more than his ex-wife cheating on him. Something he blames himself for. I want to take his pain away, to help him heal.
But I know better than anyone that healing needs to start from within.
One night in October, as I’m closing up the diner, I decide to reach out to a few of the women from group to see if they want to have a few drinks with me and Josie by the fire pit in her yard. I could really go for a girls’ night in.
Jasmine, Carrie, Janae, Jennifer, and Chelsea show up at nine with bottles of wine and fruit and cheese to snack on.
“Bitch, you forgot to mention you’re living in a castle,” Carrie says, nudging me with her elbow as she walks through the door.
“No wonder you haven’t found an apartment. I’d be dragging my feet too.” Janae’s eyes roam around the foyer and travel up the spiral staircase.
“I just haven’t found anything that feels right yet.”
Chelsea drapes her arm around my shoulders as I lead them to the backyard. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m good. Some days are tougher than others, but I feel better now than I did when I was living with Paul. It’s like an insane amount of weight was lifted off me. It’s crazy to think that I was okay living in fear like that for so long.”
“It’s not crazy,” Jennifer says. “You were comfortable in your situation. It was familiar to you.”
Carrie nods. “Change is scary as fuck.”
Josie greets us when we step outside. “Who said fuck? I like you already.”
The girls laugh, and I introduce them as we take our seats around the fire pit.
Josie hands me a glass of Moscato, and I close my eyes as I take a sip. “I can’t remember the last time I had a glass of wine.”
“I can’t either,” Josie says with a pout. “We used to sit out here every night.”
“Paul got violent when he drank.” I hike a shoulder. “I figured if I didn’t drink, then he wouldn’t feel the need to either.”
“Didn’t work, did it?” Carrie asks.
I shake my head.
Carrie leans over and squeezes my knee. “That’s all behind you now.”
My eyes find Jennifer’s forearm. “I keep thinking about your tattoo and how you said it reminds you that life is precious.”
She smiles. “I look at it every single day.”
Janae’s eyebrows lift. “Are you thinking of getting one?”
“Oh, please can we go together?” Josie asks. “We can get matching best friend tattoos!”
I laugh. “I’ve been thinking about it. For so long, I had to hide the marks Paul left on my body. If I got a tattoo, it’d be my choice. A mark I was proud of.”
“Cheers to that!” Janae scoots forward to the edge of her chair with her drink lifted, and we clink our glasses together.
“Jasmine, you’re quiet tonight. You okay?” Chelsea asks.
At that, Jasmine bursts into tears. She covers her face with her hands, shoulders shaking.
I rush toward her, kneeling in front of her chair. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“One of my friends found out she’s pregnant today.”
Sounds of sympathy come from the group, and my heart wrenches. I pull her into my arms, and one by one, the girls join us.
After a few minutes of crying, Jasmine dabs at the corners of her eyes. “Thanks for the group hug. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to put a damper on the night.”
“You did not put a damper on anything,” Jennifer says. “That’s what this group is all about. We talk and we help each other.”
“I feel like such a bad friend,” Jasmine says, sniffling. “It’s not like I’m not happy for her. I am.”