How does he do it? How does he always see right through me? He always has. Those cobalt eyes slice through me, finding my darkest parts and exposing them, shining the spotlight on everything I try to hide.
Whatever lie I’d planned to tell dissipates.
“Why?” His voice sounds strained, like he’s desperate for the truth.
I let my hands do the talking while I search for the right words to say to him. Trembling, I reach out and slide my palms over his broad chest. He shivers as my fingertips trail down over the contoured ridges of his abdomen.
It’s reckless and foolish, but I’m too tired to care.
“I want to feel again. I want to feel something other than despair and pain. I don’t want to think, or plan, or hold back.” My eyes lock with his. “I came here to see you.”
Cole takes my face into his hands and rests his forehead against mine. He squeezes his eyes shut, wincing as if my words have caused him pain.
“Callie,” he whispers.
His palms are calloused, but his touch is gentle, barely brushing my skin.
I want more.
“You hold me like I’m this fragile thing. You don’t have to be scared to touch me. I won’t break.”
His eyebrows press together. “But you are fragile, Callie.”
My lips tug downward. “You think I’m weak because I let someone hit me.”
“No.” His fingers push into my hair, and he cradles the back of my head, gripping me tighter. “You’re not fragile because you’re weak. You’re fragile because life is fragile. It can end in an instant. Every moment we have is fleeting.”
Life is precious.
My heart pounds as my gaze falls to his lips. “Then we shouldn’t take another second of it for granted.”
With a groan, his mouth is on mine.
We collide, and I let go.
Full and smooth, his lips are the softest thing on his hard exterior. Everything about him is a contradiction. He’s tender and rough at the same time. Both the calm and the storm, the dark and the light.
And maybe that’s how we should be. Maybe that’s what makes us human. Maybe there isn’t right and wrong, or black and white. Nothing is cut and dry. We have no right to pass judgment on anyone—not even ourselves. We’re all convoluted paradoxes ruled by our emotions, searching for what makes us feel alive.
With Cole, I’ve found that. He makes me feel alive.
Our tongues entangle, and a spark ignites into a flame, a rip-roaring fire that consumes us both. I melt into him, pressing up onto my toes so that I can get more—more of him, more of this feeling.
Kissing Cole is everything I never knew I needed.
In an instant, he lifts me and pins me to the wall. My legs wrap around his waist, my arms around his neck, hands lost in his hair. It’s like I need every part of me touching every part of him, like I can’t get close enough.
His fingers dig into my waist, and I smile against his mouth at the thought of his grip bruising my skin—a good kind of bruise for a change. One that represents something so different than the bruises in my past.
“I can’t get you out of my head, Callie. Can’t stop thinking about you, wanting you.”
He presses himself against me as he pillages my mouth, and I moan, rolling my hips, craving the friction between us. Fisting my hair, he yanks my head to the side and devours my neck, sucking and biting my sensitive skin.
“Me too,” I say on an exhale. “I want you, want this. You feel so right. We can be each other’s hope.”
At that final word, Cole’s body stills. He pulls back to look at me, agony contorting his features. It’s as if he has snapped out of a spell and is now realizing what he’s just done.
He sets me down on my feet, panting, gasping for breath, and staggers backward.
Away from me.
“Cole, what’s wrong?”
But I already know. I said the one word he doesn’t want to hear. The one word he doesn’t believe in.
Hope.
“I’m sorry,” he says weakly, as if he doesn’t believe it himself. “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”
My head jerks back. “Why not?”
He gestures between the two of us. “This can’t be.”
“We don’t even know what this is, and you’ve already come to the conclusion that it isn’t possible?”
“Yes.”
I huff out a disbelieving laugh. Embarrassment tinges my cheeks, but I use my anger to mask it. “Why not? Please enlighten me on how you’ve figured it all out in a matter of seconds.”
He stalks forward, stabbing his chest with his index finger. “I’m not good for you, Callie. Not long-term. I can’t be the man you need, the man you deserve. I have nothing to offer you. You shouldn’t feel hopeful with me. I can’t give you more than this physical connection. I don’t want to lead you on.”
I grasp his face in my hands and force him to look at me, as if my eyes can reflect what I see in him. “You have so much to offer. You are kind and caring, and I know you’re suffering, but so am I. We can help each other through it.”
He jerks his head out of my reach and paces, pulling at the ends of his hair. “We shouldn’t do this.”
“We just did! And it was incredible. It felt right, Cole. I know you felt it, yet now you want to take it all back because you’re scared. You know what? I’m scared too. I’ve gone through hell, but I clawed my way out, and now all I want is to be happy.”
“Exactly.” His face hardens, and the gates he uses to protect himself come down around him. “I can’t make you happy.”
“You’re right.” My shoulders drop in defeat. “You can’t make me happy. I’m the only one who can do that. And for the first time in years, I just did something that made me happy. Kissing you made me happier than I’ve felt in a long time. So, thanks for ruining that.”
I spin on my heels and head for the door, willing the tears of humiliation to hold off until I get to my bedroom.
“That’s what I do, Callie,” he calls after me. “I ruin everything I touch.”
I grip onto the door handle for strength. “The only thing you’re ruining is your own life.”
Twenty-Five
Cole
Two Years Ago
My body jolted awake.
Hungry already?
With a groan, I rolled out of bed and shuffled to the nursery next door.
Mia’s shrill wail got louder when I stepped inside her room. “Okay, Mia girl. All right. Daddy’s here.”
I lifted her tiny body out of the crib and held her against my chest. Her screaming stopped as soon as she was in my arms, and I smiled. “Let’s go make you a bottle.”
Penny and I had barely slept since we brought Mia home. The first night was easy, but each night got more challenging. Yesterday, Penny poured salt into her coffee, and today I almost drove to the store in nothing but my boxers. Sleep deprivation was driving us mad.
But it was all worth it.
Penny gave birth to Mia Rose just after 3AM last Tuesday. Watching my incredible wife in action like that was life-changing. It felt like my body was going to explode with love, respect, and adoration. Then I looked at Mia, and my entire world changed.