I jumped in my truck and started the drive. I had to remind myself to stay focused on driving. My mind kept drifting back to the moment it happened. I had been second-guessing myself, rethinking everything I said and did that day.
If only I had been more alert. If only I had picked up on the signs a few minutes earlier. I could have called the medics and possibly bought him the precious minutes he needed. I didn’t, and now the man was dead. The doctors said it was a massive heart attack. He was a walking timebomb. The man worked so fucking hard, he’d literally worked himself into an early grave.
I parked my truck in the parking lot that was already filling with friends, employees, and business associates. Ben was a respected man. It was one of the many reasons I admired him. I leaned against the side of my truck, soaking in the sun as I watched people congregate in small groups outside. They were laughing and chatting like it was just another gathering.
“Don’t want to go in?” I heard a familiar voice ask.
I turned and grinned at my old friend, Oakley Mallet. He was dressed in a pair of black slacks, a white button-up shirt that was left untucked, and a skinny black tie. He wore a jacket that was left open. It was about as dressed up as one could expect from a guy like Oakley. He was the shining example of a surfer, minus the blond hair. His black hair was too long to be respectable, but it wasn’t so long to be hanging down his back. He was tall, lean, and very much a free spirt.
“I was thinking about it,” I answered. “Did you just get into town?”
“I came in last night,” he answered.
I could see the sadness on his face, but he wasn’t going to cry. Neither would I. Ben would have told us to buck up. Men didn’t cry. “Are you staying at the house?”
“For now.”
“How are you?”
He blew out a breath. “I’ll be okay. I heard you were with him when it happened. I’m glad you were there.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything for him.”
He shrugged as he watched the people milling about. “It was his time.”
That was Oakley. He was very Zen. I knew he was hurting inside. He would go back to California, jump on his surfboard, and ride the waves until he worked it all out of his system.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past few days,” I told him.
He smirked. “God help us all.”
“Funny. I keep thinking about him and us when we were younger. The man was patient and kind and so generous.”
Oakley smiled, looking very peaceful. “I was lucky. Cora and I were both very lucky to have him as our father.”
“And I’m the lucky idiot that happened to stumble into your lives. He was very much like a father to me.”
“You were probably his favorite son,” he teased. “You went into the family business.”
“I think he knew a long time ago you were not born to be an executive.”
“I’m lucky,” he said. “A lot of sons born into families like mine were expected to be in the family business. If the sons didn’t do what their families expected, they were cast out. My dad supported my dreams.”
“He wanted you to be happy. Your dad was an unconventional parent.”
He slid his hands into his pockets, looking very relaxed. “Remember when he caught us trying to watch porn on the scrambled channel?”
I burst into laughter. “Thanks for bringing that up. I was trying very hard not to remember that.”
“He didn’t care. You almost shit your pants when he asked you if it was the Red Shoe Diaries. Clearly, he knew the show.”
“I do not want to think about your dad watching porn,” I told him. “That is not an image I want in my head.”
“Or the time we took his old Corvette out? He did not believe my story for a second when I tried to tell him I had to move it out of the garage to get my ATV out.”
“And right into the fence,” I said with a laugh.
“It was an honest mistake,” he said with a smile. “I’m lucky he was so patient with me. He did make me work my ass off that summer to pay for the damage.”
We both fell quiet for several minutes, each of us lost in our memories of the man that would never again give us a stern lecture or tell us he was proud. I still could not get my head around his loss. Everything was going to be different. His loss was going to be difficult to overcome. We would overcome it, but I knew I would never stop missing him.
“Oakley!” I heard a shout.
We both turned in the direction of the sound. It was Cora. She was standing at a side entrance, waving a hand. She looked beautiful as always. She was wearing a black dress with lace sleeves. I hated to think it, but she looked damn good in black.
She waved again, gesturing for us to go inside before disappearing back into the church. “How is she doing with this?” I asked.
Oakley let out a long sigh. “She’s going to be fine, but she’s taking it hard. She’s moving into the house to stay for a few days. She says a few days, but I have a feeling it will be longer than that.”
“What about you? How long are you going to stay?”
“I don’t know. I really want to get back to the beach.”
I knew what he was saying. “She needs you.”
“Yes, I suppose she does.” He didn’t make a move to go inside.
“Are you ready to do this?” I asked him softly.
He slowly shook his head, staring at the historical church building. “I’m as ready as I will ever be. I really didn’t want to do any of this. I prefer to grieve on the water. I need the water.”
“It won’t be so bad,” I told him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll hang out and catch up. It will be good for you and your sister.”
“I know I need to be here. I hope you will make some time to hang out.”
“I will. We should probably go in before she comes out here and drags you in. I want to make sure I get a seat. It looks like it will be standing room only in there. Your dad was a popular man.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked. “You’re sitting with us. We are the only family he had. We need to try and fill the pew. You are not sitting anywhere else.”
“I don’t want to impose,” I told him.
“Shut up,” he said and began to walk. “You know damn well you’re sitting with us. Don’t be an asshole.”
I followed him, happy to have him back in town, even if it was only for a little while. We entered through the side door and Oakley was immediately pulled into the arms of an elderly woman. I felt a little out of place and slowly pulled away. I felt like an asshole sitting in the front pew, but I felt like more of an asshole because the only people I knew were the ones that worked for me and Ben. I didn’t run in the same circles as the Mallett family. I watched Oakley and Cora as people expressed their condolences. They both looked uncomfortable.
I talked with a few of the employees, making sure they knew how much Ben appreciated each and every one of them. It was what Ben would have wanted. He was a good man and cared about every single one of his employees. They were loyal to him, as was apparent by the turnout.
I remembered the holiday parties he hosted every year. He personally handed out bonuses at the parties, giving every one of them a kind, specific word showing that he knew each of them. I briefly wondered what this Christmas would look like. Would there be a party? Would anyone want to have a party?