I groaned, dreading the following days. “The will is being read Monday. Then we have to deal with the estate. It feels like it never ends.”
“It will get better,” he said. “It will always hurt, but it will get better.”
I closed my eyes, relaxing as the hum of the car lulled me. I thought about the coming days. I dreaded going through my father’s private things, but it was better for me or Oakley to do it than a stranger. It seemed so wrong. His study was his private domain. I had been inside it a few times but never to paw through his things or touch his collectible books.
“What about your competitions?” I asked without opening my eyes.
“What about them?”
“You can’t stay here,” I told him.
“I took some time away. It’s already arranged. I need to be here. This is where I need to be. The ocean isn’t going anywhere.”
I knew it was a much bigger sacrifice than he was letting on. He loved surfing. He loved competing. He loved the water and the sun and the freedom. I hated that he was putting his dream on hold to help me. He was always looking out for me and trying to help me. He was the best big brother.
“I feel too young to be an orphan,” I said.
“We are both too young. I can’t help but feel I let Dad down. I know he wanted grandkids. You were busy with your education and I was too busy chasing a young man’s dream. I hate that our kids will never know our parents. They are going to be seriously lacking in the grandparents’ department.”
I felt a sob bubble up. I put my hand over my mouth to stop it, but it was out before I could. He reached over and took my hand. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I wasn’t like this when Mom died.”
“You were young and didn’t understand the gravity of forever. Plus, you had Dad.”
I smiled and nodded. “He was a force. I don’t want to say he took her place, but her absence wasn’t quite as big with his spirit filling the void. He was extra present. He was always trying to keep us busy.”
I sighed, remembering the weeks and months after she died. “He kept us busy.”
“We have each other. I will do my best to fill the void they have both left. I will try to keep you distracted, but I think we both need to face this head on. You’ve got to go through it to get over it.”
A slow smile spread over my face. “Did you pick that up at one of your bonfires?”
“Actually, I did. We’re going to tackle this head on. I think we’ll be stronger for it.”
I didn’t have a better idea. He was probably right. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I didn’t want it to be easy. I wanted to feel the pain a while longer. My dad deserved for me to suffer a little. The limo pulled into the parking lot where a taco truck was set up. Oakley hopped out and ordered for us before returning five minutes later with two bags full of delicious-smelling tacos.
The driver took us home but went the back way, avoiding the gate that would take us to the front of the house where there would be a throng of guests. We had grown up in the house and on the property. We knew it well. The limo bounced along the dirt road that led to the small lake. We thanked the driver, letting him know we would walk up to the house later and he was free to go.
We settled in on a grassy knoll that overlooked the small lake. At least, we called it a lake. It was more aptly described as a large pond. Just the same as the back forty was really about the back ten. My father’s estate included fifty acres but there had not been cattle or crops on the property in decades. He declared long ago he was not a rancher or a farmer.
“Remember when we used to spend our summers down here?” I asked.
“How could I forget?” he asked with a laugh. “I think this is where my love for water began.”
“And then remember when he stocked the thing with fish?” I asked with a curled lip.
Oakley burst into laughter. “He was thrilled. He wanted to go fishing.”
“It was so gross,” I complained. “I could not swim with all of those fish swimming about.”
“But it was fun catching them,” he insisted.
“I miss those days when everything seemed so simple. At the time, I was convinced my life was boring and miserable. I would give anything to go back to those days.”
“I think that is part of growing up. You look back on the days you ignored with fondness. The days when getting up and doing the same old thing was taken for granted.”
He was so right. That moment with him, sitting in the grass in our funeral attire and eating tacos, was going to be a day I remembered for the rest of my life. The pain I felt subsided a bit. I wanted to focus on making good memories. I needed to fill my heart with good in order to push down the sorrow.
We ate and talked for hours, losing all track of time.
“Should we head up to the house?” I asked after a while.
“If you want.”
“The mosquitoes are coming out. Welts are not a good look for me.”
He laughed again. “You always did have a sensitivity to mosquito bites.”
“Yes, and I still do. We should go. I feel horrible for missing everyone. I hope they can forgive us.”
“It isn’t like we’re going to see most of them ever again. The few people we will see, they will understand. If they don’t, fuck them. He was our father and we have the right to grieve any damn way we want.”
I was glad to have him back. I was glad to have his company and support. I had a feeling I was going to need it in the weeks to come.
Chapter 5
Rogan
The office felt weird. There was the usual sound of phones ringing and the quiet murmur of voices as employees talked to each other and customers, but it felt off. Everyone was subdued. There wasn’t any of the usual watercooler conversations. I didn’t know if there ever would be. It felt very strange to work in an office where someone died not more than a hundred feet away.
I knew there was a lot of uncertainty among the employees. None of us knew what came next. The company was blossoming, and to shut it down would be asinine. Someone would be stepping into the driver’s seat, but we didn’t know who. I had my suspicions, but I wasn’t completely sure.
There was a soft knock on my office door.
“Come in,” I called out.
The door opened and a full head of gray hair appeared. I got to my feet and smiled. “Come in, Beau.”
The man smiled and walked in, closing the door behind him. Beau Camber, Ben’s good friend and steady advisor, looked at me with a sad smile. “How are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m fine. What about you? I wasn’t expecting you today.”
He sighed, shaking his head. “Ben wouldn’t want the world to stop turning just because he wasn’t a part of it.”
“Have a seat please.” I gestured to the chair before sitting back in my executive chair.
“Are you doing okay?” he asked me again, studying me closely. He knew about my close relationship with Ben. I trusted Beau and knew he was asking out of concern.
“I’m getting there. The first day back is a little weird, but like you said, we all have to keep moving forward.”