The music changed, indicating it was time for us to take our seats. I thought about taking a seat near the back with the employees, but Oakley must have known I would attempt to get away. He jerked his head, motioning me up front. I excused myself from the others and made my way up front, feeling completely out of place.
I took a seat on the end with Oakley beside me and Cora beside him. She was quiet as the service started. More than once, I saw Oakley put an arm around her and offer comfort. His expression was blank, not letting on that he too was suffering.
There were a few moments when the ache in my throat nearly made me choke, but I fought back the pain. I fought back the emotions that threatened to bubble to the surface. I looked over at Cora a few times. She was trying to be strong but the pain on her face was hard to miss. She dabbed at her eyes, being careful not to smudge her makeup. She never looked so beautiful as she did in that moment.
There were plenty of sniffles and the occasional sob from behind us. I stared at the picture of the man that we were all mourning. Oakley and Cora had inherited Ben’s black hair. Oakley had blue eyes and his sister green, which they must have inherited from their mother. She had died before I met Oakley. I had seen pictures of her but never paid much attention to her eye color. Oakley was tall and lanky, much like his father. Cora was petite, making me wonder if her mother was as well.
I felt bad for them. They were all alone in the world. I knew that feeling well. They were lucky to have one another.
Chapter 4
Cora
I never really understood what people meant when they said they had a heavy heart. I did now. My heart felt very heavy. Every beat hurt. Every beat felt like a struggle.
I wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed. I wished I could wake up tomorrow and realize it had all been a nightmare. I didn’t want to deal with any of it anymore.
I kept moving, walking across the grass to where a white tent was set up for the mourners. Oakley was at my side, quiet as we approached the coffin perched over the hole in the ground. My anxiousness increased with every step. It all felt so final. The last few days nothing felt real. The idea of burying him made it too real.
I was escorted to one of the folding white chairs positioned in front of the casket. Oakley sat beside me. We both stared at the beautiful mahogany casket. He had picked it out himself, which was only a little macabre. When I first saw it, I had run my hand over the smooth wood, admiring it until I remembered what it was. I had jerked my hand away, horrified by my admiration.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” I whispered. I had not meant to say the words aloud.
“Me either,” Oakley said. “He was so vibrant. So full of life the last time I saw him.”
“I saw him that morning,” I told him. “He didn’t look great, but he didn’t look sick. He told me he ate a spicy burrito. He was always eating spicy burritos. I didn’t think twice about it. What if—”
“Don’t,” he stopped me. “Don’t play that game. There is nothing you could have done.”
“I hate that he was alone,” I said.
“He wasn’t alone. Rogan was with him.”
“That’s right,” I said, remembering the moment he caught me in his arms. “I’m glad he was there.”
The preacher began to speak, giving the final words before it was all over. People began to leave. Oakley put an arm around me as I stood staring at the coffin. I was trying to make peace with it. I was trying to get my head around the fact I would never see him again. My heart hurt. I reached out and put my hand on the coffin once more.
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I stood at the graveside for a long time. Oakley had drifted away, fading into the background with all the other guests. It was just me and Dad. I was thankful for the time alone with him, even if it wasn’t technically alone.
“How are you?” I heard a male voice.
I turned to see Rogan standing nearby, his hands in his pockets. I tried to smile but it wouldn’t come. “I’m okay,” I answered. We both knew it was a lie.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Your dad was a great man. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.”
I nodded. “He was a good man.”
“If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’ll do anything I can to help you through this.”
This time, I did smile. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”
“I’ll leave you alone,” he said, his eyes sliding over to the coffin.
I could see he was suffering, but he was being far less obvious about it than I was.
“Again, I’m so sorry,” he said and visibly took a deep breath before walking away.
I turned back to the coffin adorned with beautiful white roses. “I’m glad he was with you, Dad. I know you liked him. Maybe you even loved him. I have to go now, Dad. I’m going to visit you all the time. I’ll bring you and Mom flowers and keep you updated with things. I love you, Dad. I hope I told you that before—well, you know—before you left. I don’t remember the last thing we talked about that wasn’t about work. I’ve racked my brain and I can’t remember what it was or if I said I love you. I do.”
I turned and walked away, heading toward the waiting limo. I realized then the cemetery had cleared out. Oakley was leaning against the car, his hands in his pockets and his legs crossed at the ankle. He had on his dark sunglasses, but I knew there was sadness in those pretty blue eyes of his. He was hiding it well, but I knew him.
“Why don’t we go get something to eat?” he suggested. “I know you haven’t eaten today.”
“We have to go to the house,” I told him. “Everyone is going to be there.”
“They don’t need us,” he said. “Besides, I really don’t think I can take any more condolences right now.”
“I don’t think I can either,” I confessed.
“The limo is ours to go wherever we please. Let’s go get some tacos and go down by the lake.”
“The lake on Dad’s property?” I asked.
He grinned. “No one is going to be looking for us on the back forty,” he replied.
“Good point. Do you think it will be okay if we don’t go? I don’t want to be rude.”
“It isn’t rude. We can do whatever we want. We owe no one anything.”
I climbed into the back of the limo and leaned my head against the seat. “Thank you,” I breathed.
“You’re welcome. You need to rest. I know you. You haven’t been sleeping.”
“It’s hard,” I told him. I didn’t tell him my lack of sleep today was due to an erotic dream about his best friend. I didn’t think he would appreciate that.
“I’m going to stick around for a while,” he said.
I turned to look at him. “What? Really?”
“Yes.”
“Oakley, I know you don’t want to be here. Don’t stick around for me. I’ll be okay.”
“Yes, you will be okay, but I’m going to be here. We need to go through Dad’s things and figure out what to do with stuff.”