Lies.
He raises his hands up, palms towards me. “I’m just asking, damn! I just haven’t seen you with anyone in a long fucking time, man. I’m worried. Does your dick still work? I won’t judge, plus they make pills and shit for that now.”
I shake my head, rolling my eyes, using my pointer fingers to rub my temples. This idiot.
I’m not sure if my cock still works, to be honest. I wouldn’t know considering I hadn’t had sex in a little over four years. I had my dick sucked, or should I say attempted to have my dick sucked at an after party, but the girl was a brunette. So when I looked down and I didn’t see those red waves spilling out around me, or those green eyes when she looked up, I couldn’t keep it up. Sex felt pointless now. Everything that required me to give any type of emotional effort felt fucking irrelevant.
Everything after her seemed like a waste of my time.
“Hey man, change the channel off this shit!”
I turn my body slightly, seeing an insanely overweight man cussing a bartender for changing what I assume is ESPN. People and their sports. I start to turn back around when I hear something that makes my ears pique with interest.
“It’s on all of the sports networks right now, man.” The bartender snaps back, “This chick apparently broke a fuck ton of records. She’s supposed to be a first-round draft pick.”
Chills roll up my spine, the taste of lemons build on my tongue, and I think for just a moment I can smell her lavender shampoo. I move my eyes to the TV screen they are focused on, trying to slow the cotton in my throat.
The screen blacks out before a video starts playing. A tall figure makes its way through a hockey tunnel, the number thirty-three printed boldly on their jersey. Long, red hair sways back and forth as she walks. Once she reaches the end of the tunnel, a voice plays over the video.
“The daughter of a legend,” it starts before showing highlights of JR Sullivan in flashes. I’m in some of those moments, I think to myself. My eyes are glued to the TV. They wouldn’t move even if I wanted them to.
“A hockey prodigy who owned her talent at a young age…” Video clips of a small kid weaving, and deking other kids, scoring goals, celebrating with her team. It’s a montage of all she is, all she has become, all she will be.
“She broke records, won championships, built a program.” A collage of goal after goal after goal appears on the screen. Highlights from her high school and college years. It shows the moments she won championships, the times she broke records that no one will touch for years.
My chest burns with pride, I have no right feeling. But I feel it anyway. This moment she worked so fucking hard for. All the early morning practices, the blisters, the broken ribs. It was all worth it now. Yet, I’m not there to celebrate it with her.
Now it shows her sitting in her college locker room, her head is down, the sounds of loud music plays throughout the video. Her hair is falling down in front of her face, her elbows rest on her padded knees. It zooms in on her taping her stick in slow motion.
“Now? She’s coming to change the game for women’s sports. She has unfinished business. All she is waiting for is her name to be called. Are you ready to see what’s next?” The camera pans to her skates before moving up to her face.
I watch as she lifts her head to face the camera. Those green eyes pierce me through the screen keeping me in place. I take in an audible breath as her name appears over her face, closing out the video.
I didn’t want to watch this, but I couldn’t not watch her. I owed her this much.
I can’t believe I forgot about the women’s draft tonight. Fuck, how had it been almost four years? How had it been that long since I’d seen her? The wounds I’d tried to heal were ripped wide open again. I’m losing blood in the middle of this dive bar.
Four long fucking years. I didn’t even try to reach out at first. I knew she was hurting. She needed time. Then she ignored me after I tried to contact her. I’d avoided seeing her dad as much as possible. I couldn’t stand looking at him in the eye after everything that fucking happened between us. I’d lost so much of myself the day she left. It was pieces I’d never be able to get back. They were hers to keep, forever.
The television shows the inside of Montreal’s hockey arena. Gone are the fans and in their place are fifty-two of the best players across the globe with their families waiting to hear if their dreams are going to come true. Nervously praying their hockey dreams will continue to the next level.
I know Valor is probably chewing on her cheek, trying to act calm, but on the inside, she is so nervous she could pass out. She isn’t comfortable being in front of that many people unless it’s in a pair of skates.
I hope someone has Lemonheads for her. They always calm her down.
“Hundreds of young women have worked their entire lives for this moment. To be here and be a part of this special event. To be a part of this draft and perhaps become players in this league.” The Women’s National Hockey Commissioner stands at the podium speaking loudly into the microphone.
“Their families have sacrificed for years while supporting their hockey careers, and now they get the privilege of witnessing all their dreams come true.” He pauses, giving a smile. “Now, let’s get started. The first selection of the Women’s National Hockey League draft goes to the Chicago Wings.”
The clock begins ticking, meaning there is only three minutes for the organization to finalize their pick. My heart is hammering in my chest. It’s like I am there. I can feel how nervous Valor is. Her knee is bouncing like crazy. She’s probably chewed all the skin off her cheek, and I know she’s holding her dad’s hand for dear life.
“With the first pick overall, the Chicago Wings are proud to select, from the University of Chicago, Valor Sullivan.”
The arena goes crazy with applause, and the camera pans to Valor and her family. My heart aches. I want to be there. I should have been there. I am her family too. Or I guess I was her family.
“Fuck yeah, Vallie girl, fuck yeah,” I say out loud without even noticing it. I don’t even care though. There is no one here who will understand the pain of missing something like this.
I’d fucked up with her. I know I did. I regret it every day. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that I was there to witness her become the star she is today. It doesn’t mean I’m not proud as fuck of her. I showed her how to toe drag, and how to throw a left hook. I picked her up from practices when her dad couldn’t. I spent birthdays and holidays with her. I was there to watch her become the athlete she is today.
So fuck these people in this bar, I’m going to cheer her on from a distance.
When the camera hits Valor I try not to reveal in my face just how badly I want her. Confidence radiates from every inch of her. Gone was the girl ashamed of her height and her legs. In her place was a stunning woman wearing heels that made her tower over most men.
She’d grown into her body more, and the glow of confidence made her shine with attractiveness that wasn’t obtained by many people. She is beautiful. She is the woman I always knew she could be. The dark green pantsuit clings to her curves. The color makes her eyes sharper and her hair brighter.
She celebrated with her family quickly, wrapping her arms around Aurelia, who looked like she was ready to cry. Then she moved to her dad who kissed her forehead, leaning down to whisper something in her ear. The smile on my face was the first genuine one I’d had in a long time. I felt like me again.