Hawk broke into my thoughts when he walked up to me and whispered a question.
“Did you call Trent?”
I nodded, and then he sighed as if he knew the storm that was coming and was bracing himself for it.
“Was he with Vicki?”
Again, I nodded wondering why Hawk was ignoring Mom. She was dying for attention, I noted by the way her eyes darted from Hawk to me, as if she was watching a tennis match.
“What language is she speaking?” I asked thinking that I was in some parallel universe, and none of this was really real.
He shrugged, “I have no idea. Ask her. She keeps talking like that, and it seems to give her comfort.”
“Why didn’t you tell us that she was here?”
He smiled, “I called both you, and Trent. Your phones were off, and I didn’t want to leave a message. Anyway, look at the state of her. I couldn’t leave her side for a second. I had Marta go to get you, but then she said that she could hear noises. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what you’ve been doing during the holidays, does it James?”
I turned away, ashamed of the idea of Marta hearing Trent and I fucking our stepsister. This thing with Vicki had to stop, it wasn’t heathy for any of us.
Hawk stood up, and he started to pace the room. Mom’s eyes followed him, and then I assumed that she got tired when she closed her eyes, sat up a bit, and finished the remains of her glass. Not only was she worse than when I’d last seen her, but she seemed to have gone insane. She opened her eyes as if she’d seen me for the first time and trilled out, “Trent, and James, you’re both here.”
I looked behind me to see if Trent had stepped in the room because he couldn’t have got here that fast. Right, I knew what was up, she was seeing two of me. Trent hadn’t stepped in the room. She moved, putting her glass down gently as if it was a precious stone, and then crawled to where she thought Trent was, and then did the same thing to me. Then she used my legs to stand up. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, as I watched my mom hug me again as if for the first time.
“Oh, how I’ve missed my boys.”
She started to laugh and then cry as if she was auditioning for a part in a theater production and was running through both emotions at the same time. I didn’t know how to feel or what to expect from her, but no matter what, I didn’t expect this.
“You see this is what years of substance and alcohol abuse does to you,” Hawk said loudly over Mom’s incoherent ramblings. I remembered that he had a problem once, and he’d recovered. I used to be jealous of the way that he held his own around alcohol. He never gave in or was even tempted by it, now. I’d watched him in the past on family occasions when someone mistakenly gave him a glass. He’d refuse, and remind them of his past. He was never ashamed to admit that was a drunk, just like his father, and his father before him. He managed to control himself, however, something that I wish Mom had done. Trent, and I would have to follow in his footsteps, not hers.
I heard my brother as soon as he walked in the room. Mom’s arms wrapped around him like a boa constrictor, and I expected him to do the same to her. Instead, he pushed her away as if she was a hobo that he met on the street.
“Fuck this!” He blurted as he ran out as fast as he ran into the room.
“Trent?” Hawk called out, and he had a frown on his face as he lunged forward out of the door after Trent.
Mom shifted from Trent back to me, when he pushed her away. It seemed she needed me for support once again. How the hell did she get here if she couldn’t even stand up straight?
I pushed Mom away from me for two reasons. First, she was squeezing the life out of me. Second, but most important, I needed to see my brother. I knew that it was my turn to leave now. I heard her nearly fall to the floor as I walked away. Hawk met me at the door as we watched Mom manage to balance on one of the sofa’s arms, trying to figure out how to sit down.
She was pathetic, and the worst part was that she was our mother.
Chapter Three
It was Friday again, and I must admit that I’d been counting down the days. I’m not sure why, it wasn’t like the arrival of Friday would bring anything like normality to my life. In fact, the word, 'normal’ doesn’t really exist when it comes to my family. We were, to be frank, abnormal and it didn’t really matter which day of the week it was. The weekend only meant I didn’t have to get up for class and that was enough for the moment.
I was frustrated because Trent, and I still haven’t talked about mom being here. When I got back to the suite on Monday night Trent was alone and studying as if his life depended on it, so I did the same. In fact, we’ve both been doing that every night. Not talking, just getting up in the mornings, going to classes, and studying at night. Even eating was something that we did as if it was a luxury. We ate in silence and if we did speak, it would always be about one of our subjects. Nothing else.
I didn’t know what to say to him about Mom, and I assumed that he felt the same way. We were both speechless about seeing her and there was nothing to discuss. I could have laughed and joked about the state she was in, but neither her state nor appearance was something I wanted to laugh about. If anything, my only wish was that she stayed in the main house, and never ventured out again, but then, she could hardly stand up straight so I doubt venturing anywhere was an option for her.
Studying saved me from drinking, and as I threw my books in my locker as if it was a sack of rash I thought about what to study. The finals were drawing near, and half the senior year would be lost, just thinking about universities, finals, and the prom, not necessarily in that order.
No, I had to think ahead, and so did Trent, and I gathered that he was doing the same thing as me, and clutched at his books as if they were a bag of gold.
“What you up to this weekend?”
That was another issue, since that night when we found Mom was home, both Trent, and I spoke like that, as if we were roommates living in the same suite. The pair of us were dying to move out because of the tension between us.
“Library. Study. Read. Nothing interesting. You James? What you got planned?”
He lifted his eyebrow, probably expecting me to say that I would be hunting down mom to spend time with her, and maybe have a few shots. Maybe he even thought I’d have a few shots with her. He’d be wrong though. The bottle of whiskey which was vanishing too damn fast before, had stopped disappearing. Neither of us were drinking, not like we’d been doing the last couple of weeks.
I almost laughed when a knew thought came to mind. Mom should be an advocate for people to stop drinking. I could see her picture, with a bright red font over her head in bright neon letters. The words would read: Stop Drinking or you’ll end up like this!
“I know that I need to study, but I don’t feel like it, you know?”
He nodded, “Yep, but we need to get out of his place. Fuck! I’ve been studying more this week than I did the whole of last year. My brain feels as if it’s on fire.”
He was going to say something else, but Claire got in there first, and seeing her reminded me that we weren’t on speaking terms, I couldn’t exactly remember why. This was part of the reason why I had to stop drinking, something would happen and then I would forget. Even if I wasn’t drinking at the time, I’d ever be getting over a hangover or creating one and important things would completely blank out of my mind.