Channing lifts her chin toward the dining room and I bite the corner of my lip as I climb down from the kitchen counter. Walking over to them, sitting down in one of the chairs as they do the same.
This doesn’t feel like a friendly neighborhood visit, it feels like so much more, kind of like the way their husbands walked in on me here and basically said I was a bitch for not giving Ford a chance. They weren’t wrong and I know whatever these women say, they won’t be wrong either.
“Why are you really here?” I ask.
Channing places the Styrofoam container in front of me, then takes one out for Exeter before another for herself. She does this all silently and I hold my breath as I wait for what she’s going to say to me.
“We like you,” Exeter starts out.
Shifting my gaze from Channing, I look at Exeter. She shifts from side to side in her seat and I can tell that she’s nervous.
“A lot,” she continues. “But we love Ford.”
“Okay…”
Channing inhales a deep breath then releases it on a sigh. “We’re not bitches, swear. We just… Ford’s never been happy since we’ve known him, and after his initial shock at seeing you, we think that you guys could find your happiness with one another. We don’t want you to run away from that.”
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I pick at the little closure of the container, not opening it. My gaze flicks back and forth between the women as I try to think of something to say that doesn’t make me sound like the biggest bitch on earth.
“It doesn’t have anything to do with him. It’s me,” I whisper.
Channing reaches out, her hand wrapping around mine, squeezing it tightly. “If you want him, you can have him.”
“I know,” I whisper. “It doesn’t have anything to do with wanting. We um… we reconnected yesterday,” I blurt out.
Exeter laughs softly at the same time Channing lets out a giggle. Shaking my head, I close my eyes tightly before I reopen them to look at the women in front of me. Happy women. Women that I could see being friends with, in a different life.
“Just once?” Channing asks. My eyes widen, flicking between them, and I press my lips together. Channing’s eyes widen as well and she shakes her head. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant, is it over?”
A laugh bubbles out of me, and I nod my head as I catch my breath. “I’m leaving tomorrow,” I admit.
“No,” Channing shouts.
“I am. I’m not like Beaumont and Louis, I need to be back in California. I have interviews and responsibilities.”
Exeter shakes her head. “Beaumont has them too, so does Louis. They had them when shit hit the fan and their relationships with Hutton and Tulip were new.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Is it not the same because deep down you don’t want Ford?” Exeter asks.
Pressing my lips together, I roll them a few times as I look down at my lap. Slowly, I lift my gaze to meet theirs. “I never stopped loving Ford Matthews. Last night was the best night of my life. I don’t think I could have dreamed of a better night,” I whisper. “We don’t fit though. He’s here with his cattle and I need to be back there.”
Channing stands, leaving her food where it is. “I’m disappointed,” she whispers. “I thought that you were made of sterner stuff, Stephanie. I thought that you were driven.”
“Driven for dick?” I ask with a snort, sounding snotty as hell.
Exeter clears her throat. “These men, they’re not easy. But when they love, they love hard and when you’ve been on the receiving end of that, it’s easy to feel as though it could disappear as quickly as it happened. I know you had Ford when he was young, but he’s not the eighteen-year-old you remember, just like you’re not the eighteen-year-old he remembers.”
“When he finds out who I really am, he won’t want anything to do with me.”
“He already knows about the pictures, what else could there be?” Channing asks.
Shrugging a shoulder, I refuse to tell them. They wouldn’t understand. They have all the happiness in the world, they have everything they could ever want.
Meanwhile, I’m here being blackmailed by my ex-fiancé, a selfish asshole who only wants to further his career and control me for the sake of controlling me and nothing else. He didn’t like the fact that I left him, so he’s devised some plan to keep me tethered to him.
“She’s not going to tell us, Channing, let’s go. But I just want to say, whatever the reason you’re walking away from him, if you just told him about it, he would help you fight those demons, whatever they are.”
“He can’t fight my battles for me,” I whisper.
Exeter shakes her head, opening her mouth, but it’s Channing who speaks first. “You underestimate these men, you underestimate Ford. That’s exactly what he can do and he will if you let him, just like Rylan did for me and Wyatt did for Exeter.”
Without another word, I watch as they turn and walk away from me, leaving three burgers and three orders of fries sitting right in front of me.
I do something that I haven’t done in at least fifteen years. I sit down at the dining room table and I binge on all three burgers and fries as I cry. Because I know, without a doubt, that they’re right.
Ford would chase, fight, and end any fucking battle for me, gladly. I’m just not allowing him to. And I won’t. Not because I’m being overly stubborn, which let’s face it, I know that I can be, but also because this is something that I need to deal with myself.
FORD
I don’t even bother driving to town to check for myself. I already know that she’s gone, I can feel it. It’s been days since I’ve seen her or heard from her. Wyatt reported the donation truck at her parents’ house this morning and the real estate sign that went up shortly afterward.
As I ride Starlight out toward the fence that I should be finished mending, but I’m not, I try not to think about Stephanie, my Stevie, leaving me once again. With a heavy sigh, I dismount her and get to work.
I spend the rest of the afternoon and too far into the evening working. It’s better to be out here than it is sitting inside of my empty house. It’s goddamn depressing.
When the sun completely sets and the darkness takes over to the point where I can’t see a fucking thing, only then do I pack up my shit and head back home. I left all of my supplies out here the last time I was here, only taking my tool bag with me.
Climbing up on Starlight, I don’t take off for the house immediately. Instead, I look up at the moon as it shines down.
How have I let my life come to this? Thirty-five years old and completely alone. Everyone around me has their shit together and I’m still fucking nameless women in bars. Tugging on Starlight’s reins, I guide her home slowly. I’m in no rush. I’ll probably just take a shower and climb into bed right before I pass out.
Work is the only thing keeping me from finding my way to Stephanie and begging her to come back to me. I don’t mind humbling myself, but I’m not going to make a fool out of myself, not when she obviously doesn’t want anything more to do with me.