You need to install gambling blockers on all of your devices. Use Gamblock and PokerProblem as a start and then research what else is available. Put as many on as possible to help lock you out. This will at least stop you from getting further into debt.
The other person concentrated more on the issue with her husband.
As hard as it may seem right now, you need to tell him. He’s going to find out at some stage, perhaps when he goes to pay for the trip to Europe. You’ve said earlier how much he loves you. Prepare for him to be shocked and disappointed, but hopefully, he’ll be supportive too.
Hannah wondered how supportive she’d be if Damien lost all their savings. From everything she’d read, gambling addiction was no different from alcohol addiction or substance abuse. If he had problems with either of those, she’d be beside him, trying to help. Gambling was different though. The financial stress it brought was just awful.
As she watched the conversation unfold further, she was surprised that neither of the people chatting to Jazbelly70 had suggested she see a therapist or go to a meeting. Her fingers hesitated only momentarily before she typed a message.
BrownDog40
Hey Jazbelly70, feel your pain right now. Wondered if you’d considered speaking to a psychologist or joining one of the GA meetings? You might find it helpful.
She sat back, her heart beating a little faster. She felt like a fraud dishing out advice.
Jazbelly70
Hi BrownDog40. Thanks for the suggestion. Yes, I’ve looked at GA meetings but have been too scared to take the plunge and go. What if I knew someone there? How on earth would I explain what I was doing?
Hannah smiled, her fingers already typing.
BrownDog40
The meetings are confidential, and if you met someone you knew would it be a bad thing? If they’re there too then they’re struggling and need help. You might find a kindred spirit who you can confide in. And if there’s no one there that you know, that’s a great outcome too.
Jazbelly70
Good point, BrownDog40. Thanks, I’ll look into it.
A surge of adrenaline pumped through Hannah. That felt good, really good. Giving a gentle piece of advice. She hoped Jazbelly70 did take her up on it. She shuddered. While she agreed that Jazbelly70 needed to tell her husband, she didn’t envy either of them. Breaking that sort of news would be traumatic enough but being on the receiving end of it would be even worse.
A knot twisted in her stomach at this thought.
She read through a number of other conversations that were taking place. The daily struggle to stay away from the online rooms seemed to be one of the major battles addicts were facing.
Two hours passed in a flash and she heard the automatic garage door open. Damien and Amy were home. She quickly cleared her browsing history and powered down.
The chat room had been eye-opening. A window into a world that until a few days ago she’d given very little thought to, and it wasn’t one she’d ever thought she’d need. She hadn’t even had a chance to ask for any advice on how to approach Damien. She could already guess from what she’d read that people would suggest she be diplomatic and supportive and have help options available. She needed something more specific though. She’d get back online later and ask the question. Ideally, she’d like to speak with someone who’d been through this. Either as the gambler admitting their downfall, or the partner hearing about it for the first time.
Hannah didn’t have the opportunity to get back online to the chat room on Sunday. Damien had suggested the three of them head out after lunch to Stiggant Park in Warrandyte and take Bear for a walk along the upper Yarra River. They all loved it there, and Amy was delighted with the thought of introducing Bear to the river and bush.
As she got dressed for work on Monday morning, she thought back to their afternoon. To Damien squeezing her hand as they’d walked along the picturesque river with Amy and Bear bounding along in front of them. From the smile on his face she assumed he was thinking just as she was, that their child had had a complete transformation. The broody pre-teen had disappeared, and their happy, fun girl had returned. Hannah just hoped the shine wouldn’t wear off as Bear became less of a novelty.
‘I’m sorry,’ Damien suddenly said.
Hannah stopped in her tracks. While she’d been mulling over various ways she could approach him about the gambling and his debt, she hadn’t considered the scenario of him admitting the problem. Maybe he’d been in the chat room and received the same advice she had been giving out early that morning.
She waited for him to continue.
‘I know I’ve been moody and distant. The thing is, I’ve been doing something that I haven’t felt comfortable telling you about.’ His eyes shifted from her face to the river. ‘As I said to you, I’ve found this year particularly hard, dealing with the loss of my biological parents and having no knowledge about who they were.’
She was right; he had used the poker to try and numb his pain.
‘I didn’t know how to deal with it. The fact that it’s so final, that I’ll never know anything about them is tough to wrap my head around.’
If Hannah weren’t wracked with guilt, she would have drawn her husband to her to comfort him. But her legs were trembling, and she had no idea how she’d explain that away.
He took a deep breath and made eye contact with her again. ‘Last week I started seeing someone. A psychologist.’ His cheeks reddened with the admission. ‘I didn’t want to say anything, but I feel uncomfortable keeping such a big secret from you. I hope you don’t think I’m a big baby or that I’m wasting money.’
Hannah stared at him. What? She tried to compute what he’d just said. That he hoped she didn’t think he was wasting money. What about the fifteen thousand?
‘Han? You think I’m an idiot, don’t you?’
She shook her head, realising she needed to react to his admission. ‘God no, of course I don’t. I think it’s a great idea. Hopefully, it will help you get some closure. And no, I don’t think it’s a waste of money at all.’ The fifteen thousand, on the other hand . . .
Relief flashed across his face. He pulled her to him and hugged her tight. ‘That’s why I love you. You’re always there for me. It’s probably the most important thing to me about us. That you’d support me no matter what. I’ll let you know when I have my sessions, as the first one left me feeling a bit down afterwards just dealing with it all. I wouldn’t want you or Amy thinking there was something else wrong.’
Hannah returned his hug, feeling like a massive fraud. Yes, she supported him, but her version of support was the very reason he was now in therapy.
‘Mum!’
Hannah was brought back to the present and the fact she should be getting ready for work as Amy poked her head around the bedroom door.
‘Could you drop me a bit earlier this morning? I need to go up to the music room and see if I can get a new reed for my saxophone. If they don’t have any, we might need to get some after school.’
‘Of course. I’ll be ready in five minutes. Your lunch is down on the bench. Get your bag packed and leave Bear some fresh water and biscuits and we’ll get going.’
An hour later, after dropping Amy at school and grabbing a coffee, she sat at her desk checking her emails. Her phone pinged. Zane Fox reminding her of their eleven o’clock meeting. Her heart rate increased, as did her distaste for the man as a second text arrived demanding she confirm her attendance. Did he really think she’d forgotten?