‘The world will still be there if I don’t go for another month, another year even.’
It was everything I wanted until he said, ‘Or you could come with me? It would be an adventure.’
Instantly, I tried to break free of his hold. ‘I… I can’t.’ I tried not to cry. ‘I don’t feel the same way.’
He held onto me tightly and studied my face.
‘Anna, if you tell me you don’t want to see me anymore, I’ll go. But if you don’t want to travel because you want to stay close to your mum, then I’ll stay.’
My throat contracted. How could it be that he knew me so well, but how could I ruin his plans? His trip?
‘I want to stay. I want to meet your mum,’ he said. ‘I want to hear more about your dad. All you need to do is say yes.’
Tears came and this time I didn’t try to hold them back. ‘Yes,’ I whispered and then louder, ‘Yes!’
I leaped into his arms, not a flicker of doubt that he’d buckle under my weight. Knowing with certainty that he’d always catch me.
My heart was bursting, singing with happiness and hope. Singing so loudly other passengers stopped and smiled at the couple so smitten with each other that there wasn’t a single part of her that wasn’t touching a part of him. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her face buried in his neck as he spun her around. We were that couple. Unselfconscious and unashamed. In that moment our love was absolute. Our hopes for the future circular, no beginning and no end. Just the unequivocal knowledge that whatever life threw at us, there would always be an us.
I never thought of a time we wouldn’t be together. As he spun me around, I felt dizzy with joy. Now I’m dizzy with sorrow. If we had known what lay ahead, would we have done it anyway?
I’m not sure that we would.
Chapter Ten
Adam
‘You look like shit.’ Josh stood behind me. I was trying to shave with an unsteady hand. In a few hours I’d have to face Anna Adlington. Explain my shabby behaviour.
I studied my reflection. Ten months ago in Spain my skin had tanned to a warm brown, now it was pale. Washed out. Dark bags bruised the skin beneath my eyes, a deep furrow of anxiety between my eyebrows. Pieces of tissue speckled my chin where I’d nicked myself with the razor, the blood seeping through.
I felt like shit too. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept properly.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you today?’ Josh rested his hand on my shoulder. ‘I can drive and then leave you to it. You’re knackered and it’s a long way.’
I shook my head. Four hours. There were four hours between Anna and me. On a good day I could make the journey in three hours forty-eight. On a particularly bad day it took almost five. The distance between us was a problem. With my eyes burning with tiredness and my bones aching to rest, it seemed ridiculous now we’d ever thought that it wouldn’t be.
We couldn’t always see each other every weekend because I had to work one Saturday in four. When we were together, Anna was often marking or planning future lessons and when she took a break it wasn’t all spontaneous, rampant sex like it should be in the first throes of a relationship. Anna living with her mum meant we didn’t get as much privacy as I’d have liked. Don’t get me wrong, Mrs Adlington – Patricia – was lovely. Despite still carrying the shell-shocked look of grief that she’d lost her husband when he was only forty-nine, and the burden of caring for her own mother who was showing signs of dementia, she was kind and funny and had welcomed me with open arms. Often Patricia would stay at her mum’s on a Saturday night, giving me and Anna some alone time but it wasn’t the same – trying to relax on an unfamiliar cream sofa that I couldn’t eat or drink on, surrounded by an unhealthy amount of cat ornaments, photos of Anna’s dad staring down at us from the walls. Sometimes I just wanted my own flat. My own sofa. Eating a chicken korma in front of the TV instead of having to sit at the table, but Anna didn’t drive and the travel fell on my shoulders, which were stiff with exhaustion.
The ‘us’ of Alircia, who’d talked and laughed and lived, were unrecognizable to the people we had become. We had thought we could beat the statistics, and in a way we had. There’s less than a 50 per cent chance of couples staying together in a long-distance relationship, and out of those couples who don’t make it, the average time they were together was four and a half months. We’d made it to ten so that was a win of sorts.
The screen of my phone lit up with a photo of Anna. She was on the beach in the turquoise dress she’d worn on our last night in Alircia. She looked so beautiful my heart ached.
I rejected the call.
‘She’ll try me next,’ Josh said and seconds later his phone began to ring. He read my face, pressing the decline button on his screen. It wasn’t fair. I’d been avoiding speaking to Anna for days and she was worried. She knew something was wrong. I’d fired off the odd text, I’m okay. Sorry busy will call you soon. Low battery, but they were bullshit and she probably knew it.
The truth was that since I’d had the offer of a new job, I’d been avoiding her.
It wasn’t like I’d sought it out. The CEO of the agency stopped by my desk for a chat. We were discussing football over a coffee when he casually dropped into conversation that he was looking for a travel consultant.
‘You never did go off and see the world, did you, Adam?’
‘Nah but there’s still time.’
‘What if the time is now?’
He’d offered me the job there and then.
‘You’d be creating bespoke packages for corporate clients and the wealthy. It’s not too dissimilar to what you do now but on a larger, more expensive scale, but you have to know the resorts inside out. Some will want five-star luxury but others something a little more bespoke. I want you to set it up, scout out locations. Take as long as you need to source suitable accommodation, from high-class hotels to yurts off the beaten path.’ He paused and waited for my reaction.
‘I… I’m flattered you thought of me but—’
‘No buts. You’d be perfect. You’re an intelligent graduate who loves travel.’
I loved Anna too but I didn’t mention her.
‘This is a chance in a lifetime.’ He clapped my shoulder. ‘Think about it but don’t take too long.’
I had thought of nothing else. My dream was being handed to me with a great big fucking bow wrapped around it. What kind of fool would I be to turn it down?
I talked it over with Josh, his parents. I talked it over with everyone except the one person I should have been talking to – Anna – but now I was ready. I was ready to try something new and brave and daring.
I raised my hand to check my watch before remembering that I didn’t have it anymore. My wrist was bare.
‘It’s eleven,’ Josh told me.
‘I… I’d better get going.’
‘Are you sure you shouldn’t tell Anna that you’re coming?’
‘No.’ If I spoke to her she’d guess something was wrong and this wasn’t a conversation we could have over the phone.
‘You’re doing the right thing.’ Josh gave my shoulder one last clap.