He pulled out a chair, its legs scraping against the kitchen floor, and gestured at me to sit. I sank heavily onto its wooden seat, automatically taking a drink from the glass he pushed into my hand. Sangria, of course. I set it down and filled a glass with water instead.
Wordlessly he served up the food. Vibrant yellow rice and pale pink prawns. I took a mouthful but it stuck in my throat along with all the questions I wanted to ask. I set down my fork and he did the same.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said.
My chest tightened. What was he sorry for? Ignoring me? Or something else. There had to be a reason he’d been rejecting my calls. He spoke.
‘I can’t keep doing this. This travelling back and forth. Snatching time when we can. The lack of our own space.’
I’d been expecting something like this. Steeling myself for it, but that didn’t make it any less painful.
‘I’ve been offered a job. A travel consultant. I’d be travelling for months initially, but after that I’d be away regularly. There’s a decent salary. All expenses paid.’
There was so much I could have said, but I couldn’t say any of it. If I talked, I would cry and I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to ruin this for him. This was Adam’s dream and I needed to support it, support him, even if I wasn’t sure if this meal was a ‘goodbye’ or a ‘will you wait for me’.
‘It wasn’t a decision I took lightly. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but…’
I nodded that I understood. His eyes met mine and his were full of tears too. This wasn’t easy for him either.
‘I turned it down,’ he said quietly.
‘Why?’ My voice was a whisper.
‘Because travel was my dream but sometimes we have different dreams and now, Anna, it’s you. You’re all I ever wanted. Do want.’
‘But you said… you can’t do this anymore.’
‘No.’ He rose from his chair and walked to me. Crouched down and took my hand between his. ‘I don’t want a long-distance relationship anymore, Anna. I want your face to be the last thing I see before I go to sleep at night. Your voice to be the last thing I hear. I want you. Properly.’ He dropped one knee to the floor and before he had even pulled a ring out of his pocket, I was crying.
‘Anna Adlington, will you do me the greatest honour of becoming my wife?’
Perhaps if I could have frozen one perfect moment in time, it would have been that.
‘Yes.’ I launched myself into his arms and he fell backwards. ‘Yes!’ I covered his face in kisses. His hands were in my hair, his lips found mine. My fingers fumbled to undo his belt as he unzipped my dress. It was a good job Mum wasn’t coming home.
Later, upstairs, I snuggled under my quilt, raising my hand and splaying my fingers, smiling as the small diamond on my ring finger glinted under the lamplight.
‘Here.’ Adam passed me a plate of lemon meringue pie and climbed into bed beside me. ‘I’m afraid it’s cold, future Mrs Curtis.’
‘That’s okay. You’re pretty hot, future husband.’
I took a bite but I still didn’t have much of an appetite. I thought about the way my period was late. The sickness I felt. Adam and me hadn’t talked about having children, a family of our own. Our long-distance relationship had been so draining we hadn’t looked properly towards the future.
I stole a glance at him as he forked a slab of pie into his mouth. I hadn’t taken a test yet. Should I say anything?
If I was pregnant, he would be happy, wouldn’t he?
Chapter Twelve
Adam
When I proposed to Anna that night, I didn’t expect that six months later we’d be actually getting married, but then I hadn’t expected her to tell me she thought that she was pregnant.
‘Please say something,’ she had urged as she’d twisted the corner of the duvet cover round and round her finger.
‘I… I…’ It’s the best news I’ve ever received. We’re going to be better at this than my parents. I’m going to love you forever, but ‘Holy fuck,’ was all I actually managed to say.
‘Adam!’
‘Sorry, it’s… brilliant, Anna. Really. Brilliant.’ I hadn’t realized just how happy the thought of being a dad made me until the following day when we bought a test from Boots, giggling like teenagers, before finding out it was a false alarm.
‘Oh.’ Anna couldn’t keep the disappointment from her voice. ‘It must have been stress that was making me feel sick and messing up my cycle.’
I had hugged her closely to me, feeling like a heel. The worry of me going AWOL had caused this. But later we had talked. Properly talked. We now knew undoubtedly that we wanted children.
‘We should get married first,’ Anna said.
‘The sooner the better. This year.’
So a winter wedding it was. Initially we had worried about possible snow and ice but then British summers are never predictable. You can’t book the sunshine and I didn’t need it to be perfect – I was marrying the perfect woman and everything else came second to that.
‘Nervous?’ Josh handed me a can of Fosters. It was only ten o’clock in the morning but I couldn’t resist cracking it open. There were a few hours to kill until we had to be at the church.
‘Yeah. A bit. It’s mad, isn’t it, how much has changed.’
‘Totally. Who’d have thought one holiday would lead to this.’ Josh gestured around his new flat.
‘You don’t regret moving?’ Me and Anna had bought a two-bedroom starter house near to her mum. Josh had stayed in our old place for a few weeks but then decided to move up north too.
‘Nah, I was ready for a change of scene and you might be a twat but…’ He took a swig of his lager. ‘Someone has to look out for you. I am the best man.’ He adjusted his cravat.
‘That doesn’t mean you get to cop off with the chief bridesmaid.’ Despite his best efforts, Nell had, so far, continued to resist his charms.
‘One kiss. If she’d kiss me just once, I’d die a happy man.’
‘She’d eat you alive.’
‘Probably. How about you? Any regrets?’
‘I don’t…’ I trailed off.
‘What’s that supposed to mean? Anna’s happy?’
‘She’s been weird the past few days. Really weird. She was so excited about the wedding but now she keeps crying when she thinks I’m not around. Every time I’ve tried to talk to her about today, she’s clammed up.’
‘You think she’s realized you’re a twat and she’s going to do a runner?’
‘Don’t even joke about it.’
‘Mate, it’ll just be nerves. Anna loves you, God knows why, but—’
The ringing of my mobile cut him off. I answered it. Listened. My stomach churning as I took in the news.
Bad news.
The worst.
Chapter Thirteen
Anna
It didn’t matter that my dress was creasing, my eye make-up running. I curled on my bed, listening to Adam’s heartbreak at the other end of the phone.