‘Yes, the baby. She’s getting too attached. As we spoke, her hands were over her stomach as if she is really pregnant. She’ll be devastated when her part in the trial is over. It will be like the trauma of miscarriage again.’
Oliver is silent for a moment. ‘I don’t think I understood the implications on an emotional level of allowing Anna to take part in the trial. It seems cruel now to have allowed her to connect to Adam, to be with him again on some level, and then send them both back to the UK without access to the equipment. I like her. I’m not as detached as I should be.’ He runs his hand over his beard. ‘Have I messed up? Caused her irreversible trauma?’
‘I don’t know. This isn’t exactly a scenario we covered in my training but I’m not convinced your invention is doing what it should.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I think possibly Anna is imagining how she would like things to be. That she hasn’t really connected to Adam at all. She wants a baby more than anything, and suddenly she’s pregnant again.’
‘They both want a baby. Don’t forget, Adam is unaware of the miscarriage; it’s not too much of a reach to think that he—’
‘So you believe it’s working?’
‘I believe that Anna believes it. I think so. I hope so.’
‘But you can’t be sure?’
Oliver removes his glasses and rubs his eyes. ‘No, I can’t be certain. I still can’t get the computer to record for a start. It’s one thing to capture still images from a person’s mind but the computer can’t cope with images that move at lightning speed the way the subconscious plays things out. I should have done the trial myself and then there’d be no question as to whether it was a success or not. But…’ He sighed and slipped his glasses back on.
‘Clem,’ Eva said softly.
‘I remember what it’s like. That waiting. Wondering. Anna reminds me a little of Clem. A little of myself. That makes it harder now.’
‘How so?’
‘Anna thinks she’s seen something amazing and I have to be the one to take that away from her.’ There’s a burning behind his eyes. He has approached this so very wrongly. He looks to Eva for answers but she doesn’t speak. ‘I think we need to stop. Figure out why the computer isn’t recording. Sofia is actively seeking out another suitable candidate. There’s a woman in St Barnabas’s Hospital we think is ideal. I’m going to talk to her next of kin. I’ll be the one taking part in the trial with the next participant.’
‘What about Anna?’
‘She’s going to take it hard.’
‘Of course, but it isn’t fair to let her carry on if it isn’t working. It’s a form of delusion almost.’ Eva taps her pen against her clipboard. ‘But then it doesn’t seem fair to pull her out of it, if it is working.’
‘That leaves us in a quandary. There’s no definitive way of knowing at this stage.’
‘Yes, there is. You’ll have to do the trial, Oliver. With Adam.’
Oliver pushes his glasses. ‘Even though Anna is against it?’
‘Especially because Anna is against it. Why doesn’t she want you to try it, Oliver? On some level does she know it’s all in her head?’
Oliver mulls this over. ‘You’re right. I’m going to give it a go myself. Let’s find out, one way or the other, whether it’s working the way Anna says it is.’
‘And if it isn’t?’ Eva asks.
It pains Oliver to say it. ‘I’ll have to send them both home.’
Chapter Forty-Nine
Anna
‘No.’ I can’t believe what I am hearing. ‘I told you that I don’t want you connecting to Adam yet, Oliver. I won’t give you my consent.’
‘Anna, after yesterday, I can’t let you try this again.’
‘I’m fine. It was a shock coming back without hearing you count down but I’m okay. The headaches aren’t getting any worse.’ They are but I’m not going to tell him.
‘I don’t believe you. You keep holding your head. Something is wrong.’
‘Other than my husband only having a 3 per cent chance of survival?’ I struggle to gain my composure. ‘Look. This means so much to me, Oliver. More than you know.’ Adam and I can have the relationship I always wanted, a three, not a two. Open and honest. Sharing our feelings. I won’t back down. ‘You owe me. If I hadn’t come here, you’d still be congratulating yourself for having designed something on paper that you had no idea would work in the real world.’
‘It’s a bit more technical than that—’
‘I don’t care about the technicalities. The design process. All of your facts and figures. I care about my husband.’ I lower my voice. ‘I need to be with him.’
‘I… I’m not sure you are actually with him.’ Oliver pushes his glasses up once more. ‘What you’re seeing, describing is…’ He rubs at his beard while I wait, wishing he’d hurry up. Wanting to shake the words out of him. ‘It’s possible that it’s not… not Adam’s consciousness but your own projections. The things—’
‘Everything I have told you is true.’
‘But I haven’t been able to see them for myself.’
‘I know that.’ He’s not telling me anything new. ‘That’s why I remember everything and tell you everything.’ My hands stray to my stomach. ‘I’ve held nothing back.’
‘Anna, the thing is, without being able to record where the images you describe are coming from, there’s no guarantee they are from Adam. You share the same life, you want the same things.’ Oliver studies me while I process this. ‘The only way to tell if it’s working is for somebody else—’
‘Absolutely not.’ I shake my head furiously. ‘No one else is delving around inside my husband’s mind. The things I’m seeing, feeling, they’re Adam’s thoughts. I know they are.’
Oliver leans back. Nudges his glasses, which are slipping down his nose again. I want to rip them off his worried face and smash them. I take a breath. Force myself to calm down.
‘It is working.’ I am fighting back tears. ‘I won’t give you permission to connect to him yet.’
‘Anna…’
‘If you want to carry on, you’ll have to use me again.’ I know he doesn’t want to give up. ‘It’s not like you have anyone else if I take Adam away, is it?’
There’s a pause. Another nervous rub of his beard. ‘I told you there would be numerous participants; we can’t base our findings purely on Adam.’
‘But…’ I feel sick with panic. ‘You don’t have anyone else yet, do you?’
‘Not yet, no. But you need to be aware it’s something we’re working towards. You being here, doing this, it isn’t a long-term plan, Anna. You knew this.’
‘But…’ I glance at Sofia; she can’t meet my eye.
‘I’ve always said that after we’ve collected the results that we need, I’d cover the costs of flying you home, pay for Adam to be assessed by a private doctor in the UK.’