‘I think I’m nervous around you,’ he admitted, looking down into his glass of wine. ‘You make me nervous; I think you’re pretty amazing.’
‘You do?’ Kate did not feel amazing.
‘Well, look at you. You’re beautiful, and you’re confident, and you know what you’re talking about. I like that about you. I like it a lot.’
Kate blushed and felt her heart move inside her; not a pang of desire exactly, more of a lurch, but maybe it was possible she was confusing things. Nobody had ever called her beautiful before. Nobody in her whole life, bar maybe her parents when she was a lot younger, had ever told her that they thought she was beautiful.
‘I think you’re someone I could see a future with.’
Kate couldn’t think of any meaningful words to say back, but it turned out that she didn’t need to, because suddenly he was kissing her, hungrily. He was almost climbing over her, pushing her back on the sofa, his hands already on her breasts. Kate barely had the chance to put her mug of wine down before she gave in, letting him push into her, completely dominating her space. His physicality was just as overwhelming as his words, leaving her no room to breathe or think. He was just suddenly there, all over her.
‘Wait, wait,’ Kate said, pushing back, trying to gain her breath, trying not to dwell too long on the strange, new taste of his mouth.
Ethan sat back in his place on the sofa, looking like he was struggling to regain his composure.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s just, I think you do something to me. It’s like I can’t help but be an animal around you. I’ve been holding back all evening, you’re just so beautiful.’
Now Kate knew that he was lying, but she also wasn’t sure if she cared. It was just sex. Sex that she wanted.
I can turn the tables on this, Kate thought. I can control it.
Ethan was just as much an opportunity for her as she was for him. There was sex, laid out on the table right in front of her. He clearly wanted it, wanted her, and she was allowed to want sex for sex’s sake too, wasn’t she? Yes, it was a shame that it came wrapped up in a scumbag package (by this point Kate was wondering how much else he had told her was a lie; whether he had ever been to East Asia, or if he had been on a long-distance run in his entire life), but who was she to be choosy?
Kate told herself that this was what she wanted. That this was what she had to do to get the feelings that she wanted to feel.
‘Let’s go to the bedroom,’ she decided, and his eyes grew wide with surprise and satisfaction.
There was no hesitation here either, just instant and insistent fumbling. The fact that Kate didn’t know what to do or where to put her hands didn’t matter as Ethan’s mouth was constantly attached to hers, his hands heavy on her, pawing and prodding. The moment her dress was unwrapped, his hands moved to the top of her tights. The moment they were rolled down, he was unhooking her bra. Then, after he flung his top off and to the other side of her room, he announced: ‘I’m turning the lights off.’
Again, there was no chance to object. Ethan practically jumped off the bed to flick the switch, before he was suddenly back to kissing her. There was something automatic about his technique, like a machine hard at work, but she didn’t know how to tell him. In fact, there seemed to be no way to tell him anything, because the kissing could have almost been designed solely to shut her up and stop her complaining.
‘Slow down, slow down,’ Kate said, eventually managing to pull herself away.
‘What?’ Ethan asked. In the darkness, he seemed to have lost his ability to tell her she was beautiful. His tone was gruff and impatient.
‘I just don’t think we have to move this fast,’ Kate said.
‘You’re not one of these “three date” girls, are you? I thought this was a done deal.’
‘No, I’m talking about this precise moment. It’s a bit much. What’s the hurry? Why the rush?’
‘Look, you took me to the bedroom, so is this going to happen or not? I have an interview in the morning and I’d like to get off sometime soon, before it gets too late.’
‘Wow, that’s romantic.’
He growled. Or was it a groan? Either way, a sound came out of him that revealed his annoyance.
‘I thought I was the one doing you a favour here.’
‘Wait, what?’
He sighed and the bed shifted as he fell backwards, as if he had given up. Kate sat still, utterly paralysed with contempt. She had him pegged on the scumbag scale for sure, but not to this extent. Who the hell was this guy?
‘So this is clearly not going to happen now, so I give up. Home truth time. I don’t like you, you’re not exactly my type, but I thought this would be easy.’
‘Easy? Your type? So what was the plan here?’
‘Don’t be an idiot. You know what’s going on.’
‘Clearly I am an idiot. Enlighten me.’ Kate got up and went to get her dressing gown before she turned on the light switch. She looked back at the bed, at the man who was there, lying all the way back, his hand rubbing his forehead in frustration, his proud erection clearly still in evidence. Kate wondered if she was going to vomit with repulsion.
‘You’re going to make me say it?’
‘Say it.’
‘I just needed to get laid. I’ve got a big day tomorrow and I need to relieve the tension. I know girls like you need a bit of wining and dining first, so I did that. I even paid for it.’
She stared at him, feeling her rage build, and determined not to let him see the tears that were forming. ‘So what, you think I owe you?’
‘Whatever.’
He paused. Kate wondered if perhaps he had enough humanity to stop talking because he could see that she was upset, but apparently not.
‘Are you at least going to let me jerk off before I leave? I’m not going home like this,’ he gestured to his penis.
‘Get out,’ Kate snarled. He stared at her, disbelieving, so she repeated it, louder: ‘Get out now.’
Without time to get himself together properly, Ethan was forced to put his jeans on first and stuff his underwear into his pockets. Kate stayed intimidatingly close as he grabbed his socks, shoes and coat, before slamming her front door behind him, so that he’d have to finish sorting himself out in the hallway.
‘Damn it,’ she murmured to herself, after she had heard him leave the building.
Still, she would not let herself cry. She would have broken utterly if she had let a single tear fall. She briefly thought about ringing Renee, but couldn’t bear the thought of her friend’s ferocity. She’d surely want to hunt the man down and shred his flesh with her fingernails, before telling Kate to pick herself up and try again. But that wasn’t what she wanted. Calling Lindsey was out of the question too; it was very early in the morning in Hong Kong, and she didn’t want to cause any upset when it was impossible for Lindsey to do anything from the other side of the world.
She didn’t want Renee, and she didn’t want Lindsey.
What she wanted was someone who would listen to her and be kind to her.
What she wanted was Freddie.
Chapter 19
He’d drafted a bunch of messages to send to her, but none of them had been quite right. Some sounded too chill, some not nearly chill enough. He didn’t know if he should say a simple thank you, or if she had expected anything more. He thought briefly about sending her flowers, but wondered if that was corny and old-fashioned, and also whether it was appropriate for ‘just friends’. Flowers felt like something more. So he waited, hoping that the right idea would pop into his head suddenly, but the inspiration never hit, and the moment passed. The moment was still passing. The moment had gone on longer than a week.