‘Don’t worry – you’ve been putting in the work here. I’ll be sad to see you go, but you’ll just be upstairs.’
‘It’s just temporary, I’ll be back.’
Beth smiled, and then was on her way.
‘What did Beth want to talk to you about earlier?’ Renee asked when lunch rolled around.
‘They’re trying me out in the Learning and Development office, for that job I wanted to go for,’ Kate replied happily.
‘No way. That’s so cool. I knew good things were around the corner for you!’
‘I start tomorrow, can you believe it?’
‘So soon?’
‘I guess they’re desperate. It’s temporary, but I think if I impress them then they’ll let me stay on.’
‘Gosh, look at you,’ Renee stared at Kate curiously. ‘There’s something happening . . . a vibe. Is it the job, or is it that Freddie guy? Or both?’
‘We’re just friends, me and Freddie,’ Kate said quickly.
‘I don’t believe you.’
Kate took a moment to consider if now was the right time, if this was something that she wanted to reveal. She hadn’t even told Lindsey the full details. They’d messaged afterwards, but Kate had felt coy, wanting to keep it to herself for a while before letting her friends in. She’d wanted to protect the moment in a tight warm hug inside herself for as long as possible. But it was easier with Lindsey. A few blushing emojis followed by the aubergine emoji was enough to keep her at bay. With Renee right in front of her, it was harder to be discreet.
‘He came over on Friday night.’
‘And?’
‘And we . . .’
‘You didn’t?’
‘I did.’
‘Good for you! I knew you liked him!’
‘I‘m not sure I . . .’ Kate stuttered before Renee interrupted her, eager for gossip.
‘So, was it good?’
‘Um . . . I guess?’
‘Which means it wasn’t good.’
‘No, it was good.’
‘If it was good, you’d know. You hesitated. If it was good, there’d be no hesitation.’
Kate didn’t know how to tell Renee that she didn’t have much to compare it to. She had liked it. She wanted to do it again. But there were threads of angst tied up in it too, and confusion about how Freddie had reacted afterwards. It made her uncertain to claim the experience as a total success.
‘No, it’s not that: it was good and I think it could be even better next time. But the problem is, I think it might have been a one-time thing,’ Kate admitted to Renee, trying to sound confident, and not too sad about it.
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. We’re really different, and he’s got a lot going on—’
‘So that means you need to get back on the horse. Pronto.’
‘I do?’
‘Yes, you do. Freddie is the past. More boys are the future. This is your time, Kate! Everything is looking up for you and you need to make the most of it. What about finally embracing online dating?’
‘Tinder is awful though.’
‘Doesn’t have to be Tinder. There are loads of other ones out there. Ones where you get to read more about the person. Personality type stuff.’
‘I’m not sure, it feels a bit soon.’
‘Kate. You can do this. If you want to get yourself over a one-time guy, the only way to do it is with another one. Just have fun.’
Renee reminded Kate of a sweet puppy when she was sincere. Her eyes were glittering in the staff-room light, large and hopeful. It made it very hard to say no to her.
‘When I get home later, I’ll try some apps and see what happens.’
Once Kate got home, she got to work. She downloaded the app Renee had suggested, wrote a basic profile and started flicking through the pictures of eligible men. Somehow, some of Renee’s electric hope had fired its way into her and she was happy and excited. She felt good. Her body felt good. She remembered again the way Freddie’s hands had felt, how she had discovered nerve endings she had no idea previously existed, and knew that she wanted to feel like that again. If all she had with Freddie was their silly little virginity pact, if he didn’t feel anything more, then what was stopping her from finding someone else and trying again?
She was a little stunned when she matched with Ethan. He was good-looking, in a quirky, interesting way, with a patch of white in the stubble of his otherwise dark beard. The written part of his profile was appealing too: he’d just come back from a three-month trip to East Asia, undertaken after he’d decided to jack in his desk job in the City, and was now a freelance creative, whatever that meant. He said that he hated being tied into gym membership contracts and preferred to go on long runs instead. He cycled around the city, didn’t have the head for novels, but liked popular science audio books by ‘leading thinkers’.
Kate was nervous about her photos though, not because she thought they were bad; the opposite actually. She liked the way she looked in them, but wondered if they told any objective truths. There was a way to position the face, a way to hold the camera, and a direction against the light, which all conspired to give her face sharpness, and give her cheekbones some semblance of definition. She hoped that she was being fair to herself, that she was being fair to whoever ended up picking her.
Hey, Ethan had messaged.
Hey back at ya, Kate had replied, smiling.
What are you up to? he had asked. She wondered if it was a sexual question, but then reasoned that it was still only seven in the evening.
Pretty tired, long week at work.
What do you do?
I work in an art gallery.
That’s really cool. I used to paint a lot, Ethan typed.
I did too but haven’t for a long time. Keep meaning to take it back up.
Ethan was cute, at least in his messages. He kept the chat restrained to conventional conversation, no asking what she was wearing, or requests for photos. He professed to being a feminist, which impressed Kate, and told her that he always thought of himself as a sapiosexual. She had to look that one up and was relieved by what she found.
He seemed genuine and easy-going, and the arrangement to meet came quickly.
Kate was waiting for him by Bill’s just behind Long Acre, the night bright with the Covent Garden bustle, the air cool after a heavy rain shower that had passed quickly earlier in the afternoon.
She was a little surprised when he didn’t look exactly like his photos, but not enough to be turned off the idea of spending the evening with him. Ethan had listed his age as twenty-nine and his height as six foot two. Neither seemed to be accurate. If Kate had to guess, she would have put his age nearer thirty-five. Also, she was five foot nine and he was only a bit taller than her. But she pushed her concerns away and considered that as her photos were styled to be as flattering as possible, he might be a little surprised seeing her in the flesh too.
At least it was definitely him. The beard had grown out since he took the profile photos, and was a little unkempt, but there was that distinct white patch regardless. He smiled when their eyes met.
‘Hi, Kate!’ He went right in for a hug, which she found reassuring, and flattering. ‘Did you get here OK?’