‘Patrick seemed so nice. Ridiculously nice. But I feel stupid for going,’ Kate replied.
‘Why?’
‘Because I don’t think there was ever going to be a chance that I would have allowed it to work. I was never going to like him back.’
‘And why is that, do you think?’ There was something in Hattie’s face that made Kate feel nervous, an intent in her questions that she couldn’t quite make sense of. She put it down to not really knowing Hattie very well outside the group context. Perhaps this was just what she was like in real life.
‘There’s been a lot of change in my life lately,’ Kate replied carefully. ‘My living situation, my job. You know those old school friends I talked about in group once? The ones who basically dumped me? Elise, who used to be my best friend back when we were in school, she tried to reach out, and I deleted the email. I wouldn’t have done that a couple of months ago either.’
‘Email though? Who tries to restart a friendship over email?’
‘She wanted to meet up properly. To go over everything I think. Maybe make amends. Sometimes I think I should have gone, just to see. Do you think I’ll regret not trying harder with her? With all of them?’
‘No! They gave up on you first!’
‘I knew you’d have opinions—’
‘Kate, did you ever really like them? I’m not talking about when you were at school, but maybe I am. Did you ever choose them at any point?’
‘I’m not sure . . . We were in the same classes. We saw each other every day. They were the people I hung around.’
‘Did you ever take a moment to think about who you were, and what people you wanted to be around? You fell in with them, sure, I get that. That’s what happens at school. But after that, after university. Who cares whether or not they liked you. That shouldn’t matter. Did you ever actually like them?’
‘I guess not.’
‘They don’t have to be bad people or anything, but you don’t have to like everyone. You’re allowed to dislike some people, sometimes for no reason at all. The great thing is that you get to choose now. You get to work out who you like, who you want to be around. And it’s not just because of proximity. You could have called on anyone tonight, but you came to me. Why?’
‘Because I trust your opinion. My head has been crazy lately, and I knew you’d think straight. And be firm with me. I appreciate that.’
Because Hattie always seemed to know exactly what the right thing was, and said it even if it wasn’t appropriate to do so. That’s why Kate liked her; there was no beating about the bush with Hattie, no second-guessing as to her true intentions. Hattie was all upfront honesty and big, obvious facial expressions. Unlike a certain other person she knew and was trying to forget.
‘Good, that’s what I like to hear!’
They clinked their drinks together and toasted their friendship.
‘I guess I did choose Lindsey – we chose each other. But now she’s got this great new life and is having all these adventures, and I miss her. Between that and this guy I’ve been kinda-but-not-really seeing, I thought that maybe . . . I don’t know. I guess I’ve been feeling pretty desperate.’
‘Wait, I thought you said you’d only met that Patrick guy tonight, and that he was a definite no. You’d seen him before?’
‘Oh, no. Not Patrick. That was just tonight.’
Kate realised her blunder and hoped that she’d be able to get out of it quickly.
‘So what guy then?’ Hattie asked. Kate noticed something telling in her expression, a twitch of intense thought, like she was piecing something important together in her head.
‘I misspoke. I meant the dates I’ve been on, with Patrick, and that other guy, Ethan. Nothing but disaster dates can make you feel pretty desperate I guess.’
‘Look, I’m pleased you reached out to me,’ Hattie continued after eyeing her carefully. ‘Especially if you’ve been having a tough time. I was going to call you, actually.’
‘You were?’
‘Yeah . . . I remember you talking in group about your living situation, and moving back in with your mum and dad? And I thought, we’re going to have a spare room in our place in a month or two, and maybe you could save me and my other housemate the hassle of vetting a stranger?’
‘You’re kidding?’
‘Nope. The third room is going to be free relatively soon. Our housemate is moving in with her boyfriend – good luck to her, she’s going to need it with that one. I’m not going to make out that it’s the nicest house in the universe, and the area can be a little dodgy on Friday nights . . .’
‘You’re really selling it to me.’
‘But the rent is reasonable, I love to cook for everyone, and we all chip in for a cleaner because, honestly, who has time for that? The other housemate is really chill. She’s a designer and gets far too invested in Love Island for my taste . . . so what do you think?’
‘I think that sounds pretty awesome, actually.’
‘You really think you might be able to put up with me full time?’
Kate laughed and said that she was looking forward to the challenge.
‘Great, so come over at the weekend and see the place. There’s plenty of time to think about it, nobody’s rushing or anything.’
‘I’d like that.’
Hattie looked pleased, and Kate felt pleased. She went to the bar to buy them both some more drinks to celebrate, but when she returned to their table, Hattie looked more serious, and contemplative.
‘So now that I’ve managed to get a smile on your face, there’s one more thing I wanted to mention.’
Hattie averted her eyes, nervous about the topic, which Kate sensed was a rarity for her.
‘It’s about Freddie.’
‘Is he OK? Has something happened?’ Kate’s heart pulsed unexpectedly, a sudden palpitation that forced her to swallow back a larger gulp of her drink than she had planned. It burned at the back of her throat.
‘Well look at you, all concerned about him.’ Hattie smiled wryly.
‘I’m not concerned,’ Kate lied.
Whatever, I don’t believe you, Hattie seemed to say with a shrug, before she continued: ‘He’s fine, probably, I presume.’
‘Right, so what then?’
Hattie’s face shifted into something more calculated and thoughtful. ‘Just settle an argument for me, OK?’
‘What argument?’
‘Me and Cathryn. We were talking after the last group, about you two. She says there’s nothing, but I don’t know, I think there’s something.’
‘Something?’
‘Between the both of you.’
Kate fidgeted and gulped again. Suddenly her mouth was incredibly dry, despite the drink at hand.
‘There, I knew it,’ Hattie laughed.
‘What?’
‘You and Freddie. You like him, admit it.’
‘Can we not talk about this, please?’
‘You more than like him, don’t you?’
‘Hattie, I don’t know why you’re asking me about this. It’s a complicated question with an even more complicated answer. Stupidly complicated.’