‘How could you tell?’ Freddie asked, the sudden question causing Cathryn to pause in surprise. ‘How could you tell that she liked you?’
‘Well, she touched me a lot. Like on the arm, grazing my fingers. Looking into my eyes and listening. I don’t think she pulled out her phone once the whole evening. She just seemed to care.’
‘Friends care though, don’t they? How do you know that she didn’t just want to be friends?’ Freddie questioned.
Again he could feel Hattie paying attention to him, intrigued by his more frequent speaking up.
‘I just knew. I guess it’s like that. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, with Amy, I knew. But at the same time, I knew that I didn’t feel the same way.’
‘Do you think there’s something more to that?’ said Andy. ‘I mean, if someone shows an interest, do you think that you might have instinctively backed off?’
‘Oh, like getting frightened? You think that might be it?’ Cathryn pondered, worried. ‘I did think about staying. The place we were eating in was very nice – it served cocktails that came with little umbrellas and everything – but it just didn’t feel right.’
‘Cathryn is allowed to not fancy someone,’ Hattie interjected confidently.
‘I agree,’ Cathryn concluded. ‘I don’t think I’m just waiting for someone to pick me. I think I’m waiting to pick someone myself, too.’
‘I still don’t know how you knew that she liked you. You knew how you felt, but how could you tell about the other person?’ Freddie asked.
Hattie was staring at him. ‘Is there something you want to tell us Freddie?’
‘Kate and I went out,’ Freddie said. He thought about not saying it, and he hesitated enough to make Hattie raise her eyebrows even more suspiciously, but then the words were there, and his mouth was talking.
There was silence, just for a moment, before Hattie tentatively asked: ‘Like, out out?’
Freddie nodded in reply. He decided quickly that he didn’t want to tell the group that they’d had sex. It felt too private; something that he wanted to protect from their scrutiny.
‘Wait, are you talking about Kate from this group? You went on a date?’ Cathryn checked again.
‘Sort of,’ Freddie said. He could do this in vague terms. They didn’t have to know the details.
‘I knew that she liked you,’ Hattie proclaimed. ‘I knew it. She was always looking at you funny, and I swear, I just knew it.’
‘It hasn’t ended well,’ Freddie continued, not letting himself dwell on what Hattie thought she knew.
‘What happened?’ Andy asked.
‘We don’t have another Lizzie and Steve situation, do we?’ said Mike, causing Lizzie to squirm before Andy shushed him.
‘I don’t know what happened,’ Freddie admitted. ‘I have absolutely no idea what happened. But it ended with her saying that she needed space, which I’m giving her, and me realising that I like her. A lot.’
‘Damn!’ said Mike excitedly.
‘What would you say to her now if you could?’ Andy asked.
‘I’d tell her . . . that I think that she’s the best person I know. That I feel like a better person when I’m around her.’
‘Sounds like you’re in love with her,’ said Hattie. ‘When has all this happened, by the way?’
‘I guess almost since we met here. Maybe a bit after? I bumped into her where she works, and things just happened. Except, I don’t know if they’ve happened for her.’
‘You don’t think she feels the same?’ Hattie asked.
‘Would she say that she needed space if she does?’
‘You don’t think you should ask her?’ said Cathryn.
‘I think . . . I think that I can’t even imagine having that conversation. I think that it might kill me, to be honest.’
‘OK, so, Freddie,’ Hattie sat forward in her chair, stern with intent. ‘Here’s what I’m hearing. That you can’t tell Kate how you really feel because you’re scared that she doesn’t feel the same way. But what if she does feel the same?’
‘What if she doesn’t? Sorry to bring this up,’ Freddie looked apologetically towards Lizzie, ‘but I don’t want to hurt anyone, or make situations difficult. I don’t want there to be any awkwardness.’
‘I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t embarrassed when Steve told me how he felt,’ Lizzie replied. ‘But I still respect him for doing it. Just because I don’t feel the same way, he’s not a bad person for telling me.’
‘What do you want to do, Freddie?’ Andy asked.
‘Sometimes I don’t want to do anything. Sometimes I just want to forget her completely. It would be easier.’
‘Nothing will happen if you do nothing,’ Hattie said.
‘I wonder,’ Cathryn said. ‘I wonder if you’re just as scared of her saying she feels the same, as you are of her not.’
‘What do you mean?’ Freddie asked.
‘I think you know. If she feels the same about you, then both your lives will change for ever. That’s got to be tough for someone with OCD, who likes their routine.’
Freddie felt stung by that; a heightened electric sensation that was as thrilling as it was frightening.
Andy might have sensed that, as they started to draw the conversation away in another direction. ‘Maybe we should focus on the fact that Freddie’s had some quite profound feelings lately. They may be difficult, but you’ve acknowledged them, at least in part. And we should still celebrate that.’
Freddie looked up at Andy, who was smiling at him kindly.
‘You might not have the confidence yet for whatever comes next, but you’ve made a start, right?’
Freddie nodded back at them appreciatively.
‘I’m still convinced she felt the same way,’ said Hattie, but Andy swiftly moved the conversation on.
Walking back through Bloomsbury, Freddie finally found the courage to call his parents.
‘Freddie!’ his mother cried, so loudly that it forced him to hold the phone away from his ear for a moment. ‘Why haven’t you replied to me? Or to Stella? We’ve been worrying about you! Have you spoken to David? What happened between you two? He won’t say anything. Are you all right?’
‘I’m fine, Mum,’ Freddie sighed. ‘How’s David? Is he OK?’
‘Won’t you call him? Ask him yourself.’
‘I think it’s best that doesn’t happen right now.’
‘What happened, Freddie?’
‘We had a disagreement, Mum,’ he said as carefully as he could.
‘But since when have you been violent? Was that really necessary?’
‘Probably not,’ Freddie conceded. ‘I was just tired of it. Of everything, throughout my whole life. And let’s just say that he wasn’t particularly kind about Kate.’
‘What did he say about her? I’ll kill him!’
Freddie smiled but also felt sad all over again. He was pleased that his mum had liked Kate, but hated the thought of how disappointed she was going to be when she inevitably discovered the truth.